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In Need of Repatriation Advice?
kir asks: "I've been living in Japan for the last 10 years -- 6 in the USAF, 4 in 'freedom'. My wife and I recently decided to move to the U.S. (back for me, not for her). I am wondering what advice the vocal Slashdot minority might give me. I'm most interested in tips on finding a job from here and gauging a proposed salary based on a location of which I know nothing. I'd also find helpful tips on preparing for culture shock (both my mild case and my wife's possibly severe one). Thanks!"
Also, don't assume that just because you're a citizen and are coming back, your wife can come back. If you married her overseas, she has no more legal right to enter the US than any other alien (IANAL, but that is my understanding).
My advice is to talk to an immigration attorney ASAP.
Advice: on VPS providers
I'd start with salary.com, actually. There's a lot of information on cost of living, expected salary ranges by geographic location for virtually any position, and comparisons between different areas so you can start to guage how expensive it is to live somewhere.
;)
As a personal recommendation, Saint Paul or Minneapolis, MN (or the surrounding area) is probably one of the best places for a tech-minded person to find work right about now. The salaries are still high versus the cost of living, and there are a lot of positive things about Minnesota... just so long as you don't mind the freezing cold in the winters or the massive snowdrifts.
That green slime had it coming.
I wasn't in Japan nearly as long as you, but having dealt with my transition and seen couples go through the same thing -- don't underestimate your culture shock relative to your wife's, for two reasons:
... there's a reason why the expat went to the local spouse's country in the first place and a reason why the spouse was drawn to him/her. Frequently the spouse wants to head to the expat's country more than the expat does.
1) When you're accustomed to being a highly visible minority, losing that status can be at least as disconcerting as gaining it.
2) Not speculating on your particular relationship, but as a general observation
What I'm listening to now on Pandora...
I've dealt with the same Japan-US culture shock with a woman in my life. If she has not traveled much in the US she is likely to be shocked by the seemingly disrespectful way we treat each other. Explain that just because someone is curt with you doesn't mean they don't like you. Also, the Japanese tend to have a 'just world hypothesis'. i.e. where an American will scream, "THIS ISN'T RIGHT", the Japanese will sort of accept things as they are. She should be prepared to be a bit more questioning of things- the American system is (for better or worse) based on the average person being more informed, critical, and proactive.
BE VERY READY TO DEAL WITH UNBELIEVABLE IDIOCY WITH ALL THINGS GOVERNMENT IMMIGRATION RELATED. I advise you get either 1) get a lawyer, or 2) have her come to the U.S. on a fiancee visa, and get 'married', ignoring your previous marriage. I think that if she comes on the standard tourist visa-waiver (instead of a fiancee visa), there will be trouble with this approach and she will need to leave after 90 days, but I'm not sure.
Make sure you bring lots of good seaweed and dashi when you come. It is impossible to buy it here!
If you hate the place so much, move. What's keeping you here?
The US now sees fit to enforce its laws even outside of its borders.
A few random thoughts...
Health insurance in the US is a giant pain in the ass compared to Japan. Try to shield your wife from this as much as possible by dealing with the paperwork. There will still come a day when some doctor's office gives her grief over some mundane insurance detail and she'll be furious at having to deal with this.
As you already know - customer service of all kinds is the US is a nightmare compared to what you are used to in Japan. This will bother you a little but drive your wife absolutely insane. Japanese people take it for granted that service workers do their job with politeness and a smile and as you know US customer service is hit or miss. On the other hand 24 hour stores in the US are way more convenient than Japanese convenience stores.
Japanese supermarkets in the US can be quite good depending on where you relocate.
Try to avoid friendships with Japanese in the US who are only here for a few years on overseas work assignments. As they go back to Japan it will devastate your wife. She'll do much better if she can meet Japanese women who are in the US to stay. This may be impossible at first but it might save her some homesick feelings. Even better would be to make some solid American friends but this isn't always going to happen right away.
The hardest part of culture shock is to stop trying to compare the two countries. There is always an urge to whine about some annoyance that is better here or better there. Try to avoid that urge and just accept the US for what it is and move one with life.
Good luck
Don't forget that in the USA, public schools HAVE to take ALL students that want in. In most European countries (notably Germany), the schools don't have to take you if you don't get at elast a certain grade on tests. Essentially filtering out those who would drag down the scores to begin with. The USA doesn't do this, hence the score are lower.
Fly me to the moon Let me sing among those stars Let me see what spring is like On jupiter and mars
Too bad we can't moderate this with (-1, shameless plagiarism)... see the original.
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As an Airman stationed in Japan (Yokota AB as a ground rat), I can outline a few of the things that turned out to be minor "gotchas" when I came here-- which may also catch you heading back to the states.
One, of course, is the driving thing. Be warned, the whole "right side of the road" thing will get you for a while. Be prepared to signal with your windshield wipers.
Two-- expect to have at least one car. I know a lot of folks in Japan who don't own cars because the public transit system (particularly the train system) is sufficient. It's inexpensive, it's widespread, and it's relatively reliable. Don't expect public transit in the States unless you're in a big city-- and even then, you probably shouldn't rely on it exclusively.
Three-- sticker shock. So much stuff is more expensive over here in Japan. Nothing wrong with that, but expect to pay a lot less for some items in the U.S. Electronics, bicycles, cars, books, food, music, you name it-- it's usually quite a bit cheaper stateside. A dollar can probably go about ten to twenty cents further in the states than in Japan (of course, that also fluctuates slightly with the Yen rate-- which has been abysmal lately due to the weakening dollar).
Minor things to consider-- grocery shopping in the states is more often a weekly thing, not a daily thing. Nothing to stop you and your wife from shopping daily, but it will be a little harder to find some of the smaller portions you might be used to here. Traffic in Tokyo is about ten thousand times crazier than traffic in Los Angeles (I've done both). If you were thinking about having kids, remember that large numbers of American schools are crap compared to Japanese schools.
Food for thought. I love Japan, and I love the States-- staying in Japan or moving back stateside are both good ideas, if you ask me.