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Cars that Can't Crash?

Posted by Zonk on from the first-engineer-humans-that-can-drive dept.

johnsee writes "Microsoft is working with Ford Motor Co towards car that can't crash. The future of cars according to Gates will involve high-definition screens, speech recognition technology, cameras, digital calendars and navigation equipment with directions and road conditions." From the article: "Also on Friday, Microsoft unveiled its Performance Peak Initiative -- a line of computer systems to help the auto industry better coordinate supply chains, streamline design, production and sales and fill vehicles with computer gadgets."

25 of 921 comments (clear)

  1. And the winner is... by winkydink · · Score: 5, Funny

    For best straight line ever seen on Slashdot:

    Microsoft is working with Ford Motor Co towards car that can't crash.

    --

    "I'd rather be a lightning rod than a seismometer." -Ken Kesey

    1. Re:And the winner is... by lawpoop · · Score: 5, Funny

      Milliseconds before impact, the entire windshields and all the windows go blue.

      --
      Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
      -- Pablo Picasso
    2. Re:And the winner is... by stretch0611 · · Score: 5, Funny

      So the company that is synonomous with "Blue Screen Of Death" is going to put there software in cars from the company that stands for "Fix Or Repair Daily" to build a car that won't crash?

      --
      Looking for a job?
      Want your resume written professionally?
      DON'T USE TUNAREZ!!!
    3. Re:And the winner is... by dlelash · · Score: 5, Funny

      Awww... now my Irony Meter is broken!

    4. Re:And the winner is... by Tackhead · · Score: 5, Funny
      > For best straight line ever seen on Slashdot:
      >
      >Microsoft is working with Ford Motor Co towards car that can't crash.

      They also get infinite mileage.

      In theory, it's like what happens when you take a cat, and strap a piece of toast to its back, buttered-side up. Wrap some wires and magnets around it and launch it into low-earth orbit. As long as there's carpet on the floor of the spacecraft, the cat will spin and generate power indefinitely. You can do this with less than six pounds of butter per year.

      Don't try prototyping this. Just about everywhere from ten feet up and low earth orbit, you end up with something that works like the opposite of the Schrodinger's Cat experiment; the waveforms always end up pretty firmly collapsed.

      Come to think of it, "Don't try prototyping this" applies just as well to the buttered-cat perpetual mostion experiment as well to the Microsoft car.

    5. Re:And the winner is... by ggvaidya · · Score: 5, Funny

      Yes! The safest car is one that does not move ...

    6. Re:And the winner is... by bugnuts · · Score: 5, Funny

      In other news....

      Ford's Pinto division is working with NASA towards shuttles that don't explode.

    7. Re:And the winner is... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      "Format Or Reboot Daily" .... seriously, do you imagine having to reinstall Windows on a %#$@ car???

    8. Re:And the winner is... by Haydn+Fenton · · Score: 5, Funny

      Hahaha, I wish I had mod points for you.
      That crash really would be a blue screen of death.

    9. Re:And the winner is... by RealityMogul · · Score: 5, Funny

      You won't need to re-install, just update the driver. Hmmmm....

      Driver calling tech support...

      Driver: I need some help, my car won't start.
      Tech Support: sounds like a driver problem.
      Driver: Hey, fsck you!!! I know how to start the damn car!
      Tech Support: No sir, I mean the driver for Windows.
      Driver: Oh, ok, sorry. Yeah, my kid is always screwing the damn windows. Up and down, up and down. I'll let you talk to him.
      Tech Support: Thank you sir, that would be easier for all of us.

  2. Can't Crash? by -kertrats- · · Score: 5, Funny

    I smell an episode of Fear Factor in the making....

    --
    The Braying and Neighing of Barnyard Animals Follows.
  3. What about an OS which "can not crash"??? by PaulBu · · Score: 5, Funny

    ... to begin with...

    Paul B.

  4. my head... by nanojath · · Score: 5, Funny

    microsoft...

    can't crash...

    must... make... joke... before head explodes...

    --

    It Is the Nature of Information to Transgress Artificial Boundaries

    1. Re:my head... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Insightful

      Based upon Microsoft's ability to drive computers, I'm not so sure I want them driving a car. Certainly not one with ME in it.

  5. Old Joke by AKAImBatman · · Score: 5, Funny
    Sorry, but this story is just begging for this old joke:

    Bill Gates wanted to look good and impress everyone with his success. He decided to measure the accomplishments of Microsoft against General Motors. The comparison went like this:

    If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades, you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. (160,000km/hr)

    Or you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds (14 kilos) and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50.

    In response to all this goading, GM issued a press release stating the following: "If GM had developed technology like Microshaft has, we would be driving cars with the following characteristics:"

    1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash at least twice a day.
    2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.
    3. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no apparent reason, and you would accept this, restart, and drive on.
    4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to start, in which case you would have to re-install the engine.
    5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought 'Car95' or 'CarNT'. Then you would have to buy more seats.
    6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was more reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
    7. The oil, water, temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single 'general car fault' warning light.
    8. New seats would force everyone to have the same butt size.
    9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
    10. Occasioanlly, for no known reason, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
    11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither want them or need them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by fifty percent or more.
    12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
    13. You'd press the 'Start' button to shut off the engine.
    --
    Javascript + Nintendo DSi = DSiCade
  6. A few questions by nizo · · Score: 5, Funny
    Eventually, Gates said, there could be a car that wouldn't let itself crash.

    Will I have to pay yearly license fees to drive my car, or will it just one day swerve off the road if I let my licenses lapse? Can they catch a virus from neighboring cars at the parking lot? Will it come with Clippy? "Hello! you seem to be flying off the roadaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh" (car flies off road, rolls, and catches on fire).

    Must resist urge to make bluescreenofdeath jokes.....

    --
    I Am My Own Worst Enemy
  7. Microsoft jokes aside.... by Mark_pdx · · Score: 5, Informative

    Making progress here is long overdue. The government has been studying this for at least 15 years.... I did some research work on this in the early 90's: Collision avoidance systems (radar or laser based) drowsy driver detection, etc.

    google IVHS (intelligent vehicle highway system) for starters.

    Not the Microsoft would be my first choice to design mass-produced life-threatening embedded systems.

  8. Cameras? by o-hayo · · Score: 5, Insightful
    TFA doesn't really go into detail, but I can only assume they want to use cameras to detect "things" and react accordingly. To me it seems like on old idea being applied to a new idea. Isn't there something better than photo/video analysis these days? I'm just not sure how well data from a set of cameras provides a good foundation for gauging depth perception, or the difference between a repaired section of a street and a pothole or puddle.

    What would stop a car, trying to avoid a potential accident, from steering itself off the side of a cliff?

    And what about choices that real people may have to decide. If I lost control of my car and the options were

    1) Attempt to crash into brick wall
    2) Attempt to crash into side of a hill
    3) Do nothing and continue on course to plow into a group of children crossing a street.

    What would the car decide? What's the failsafe if the magic computer stops working? What level of control is still in the hands of the driver? These are questions people will want to know the answer to, not a bunch of marketing oral-ejaculation about how this is the greatest thing since seatbelts.

  9. Safest Vehicle ever by ShaniaTwain · · Score: 5, Funny

    Its the safest vehicle ever.

    unfortunately due to a restrictive EULA you will not be permitted to sell it once you've used it, and you can be arrested for opening the hood.

    --
    Starsucks
  10. What do you mean by redundant? by mathmatt · · Score: 5, Funny

    How many redundant posts will we see in this thread?

    That makes me wonder though, how many duplicate posts will we see in this thread?

    1. Re:What do you mean by redundant? by Haydn+Fenton · · Score: 5, Funny

      How many redundant posts will we see in this thread? That makes me wonder though, how many duplicate posts will we see in this thread? ;)

  11. Where do you want to go today? - TM by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny
    CLIPPY: It looks like you're driving to work? Would you like me to stop at:
    • A Cheveron Gas Station?
    • A Starbucks?
    • McDonalds?


    CLIPPY: Sorry, I don't understand your input, Shell Gas?
  12. Douglas Adams said it best by Ars-Gonzo · · Score: 5, Insightful

    "The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.')"

  13. Funny you should say that...twice! by mathmatt · · Score: 5, Funny

    Yes, but how many redundant posts will be mislabeled "Funny"?

  14. I can see it now... by bmac83 · · Score: 5, Funny

    After making a second consecutive right turn, Clippy appears. "It seems like you're turning. Would you like help about this topic?" You say no.

    AutoFormat kicks in, causing your car to automatically turn right at every intersection. You manage to get rid of that, but now every time you try to turn left the steering wheel is AutoCorrect'ed to the right.

    You finally just let the car drive you wherever while you listen to MSN radio. You don't get where you wanted to go, but at least you didn't crash.