Slashdot Mirror

← Back to Stories (view on slashdot.org)

Will Sex In Games Ever Be Sexy?

Posted by Zonk on from the as-opposed-to-creepy dept.

The Guardian Gamesblog has an editorial up discussing the pitiful state that sexuality is in when it comes to games. Titles like "Singles: Flirt up your Life" and "The Guy Game" are not sexy...they're just embarrassing. From the article: "Historically, you can understand the reasons behind the industry's adolescent handling of adult themes: a younger audience, a male-dominated development environment and, of course, basic pixilated visuals which only ever really allowed a nudge, nudge, wink, wink, 'Confessions of a Bitmapped Bikini Lady' approach to portraying sex."

6 of 110 comments (clear)

  1. Easy..just need smooth lines by pio!pio! · · Score: 3, Funny

    Well written dialogue can be very successful at drawing the user in and creating a suspension of disbelief. It can overcome cartoony or 3d polygonal looking graphics and having to use a keyboard and mouse.

    Example

    Man: "I put on my robe and wizard hat....uh oh going limp!"
    Woman: "HAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!"

    1. Re:Easy..just need smooth lines by jericho4.0 · · Score: 3, Funny
      from bash.org;

      bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
      BritneySpears14: Aight.
      bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
      BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
      bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
      BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
      bloodninja: Me too baby.
      BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
      bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
      BritneySpears14: Hey...
      bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 chicken of the Infinite.
      BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
      bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
      BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
      bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
      bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
      BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
      bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
      bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
      bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
      bloodninja: Baby?
      --------------
      BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
      eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
      BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
      eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
      BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
      BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
      eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
      BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
      eminemBNJA: Oh ****
      BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
      eminemBNJA: Oh ****
      eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

      --
      "A language that doesn't affect the way you think about programming, is not worth knowing" - Alan Perlis
    2. Re:Easy..just need smooth lines by pipingguy · · Score: 5, Funny

      sexg0d: Hello, Sally_nicetits. What do you look like?<br><br>

      Sally_nicetits: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?<br><br>

      sexg0d: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from C&A. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of madras sauce on it from dinner...and it smells funny.<br><br>

      Sweethart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?<br><br>

      sexg0d: OK<br><br>

      Sally_nicetits: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.<br><br>

      sexg0d: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.<br><br>

      Sally_nicetits: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.<br><br>

      sexg0d: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.<br><br>

      Sally_nicetits: I'm moaning softly.<br><br>

      sexg0d: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.<br><br>

      Sally_nicetits: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.<br><br>

      sexg0d: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.<br><br>

      Sally_nicetits: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.<br><br>

      sexg0d: I'll pay for it.<br><br>

      Sally_nicetits: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.<br><br>

      sexg0d: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?<br><br>

      Sally_nicetits: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breast. My nipples are erect for you.<br><br>

      sexg0d: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.<br><br>

      Sally_nicetits: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.<br><br>

      sexg0d: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!<br><br>

      Sally_nicetits: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.<br><br>

      sexg0d: I suddenly sneeze. Your breast are covered with spit and phlegm.<br><br>

      Sally_nicetits: What?<br><br>

      sexg0d: I'm so sorry; Really.<br><br>

      Sally_nicetits: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.<br><br>

      sexg0d: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.<br><br>

      Sally_nicetits: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.<br><br>

      sexg0d: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!<br><br>

      Sally_nicetits: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.<br><br>

      sexg0d: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.<br><br>

      Sally_nicetits: What's the matter?<br><br>

      sexg0d: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.<br><br>

      Sally_nicetits: Are you OK?<br><br>

      sexg0d: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.<br><br>

      Sally_nicetits: Can I help?<br><br>

      sexg0d: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

  2. In the old days by FidelCatsro · · Score: 2, Funny

    Well joystick waggling games went out of fashion in the days of the zx specturm and commodore 64.

    --
    The only things certain in war are Propaganda and Death. You can never be sure which is which though
  3. Stealth Game Sex? by pyrrhonist · · Score: 4, Funny
    From the article:
    Arnold Schwarzenegger once said that he hated the sex scene in Terminator because it was totally at odds with the rest of the film - the same complaint would no doubt be levelled at sex in, say, Metal Gear Solid. Although 'stealth sex' is an intriguing concept.

    They'll never see you coming!

    --
    Show me on the doll where his noodly appendage touched you.
  4. Re:You need an audience who knows what good sex is by KDR_11k · · Score: 2, Funny

    Am I the only one who expected Slashdot to be the last place to ever see a post like this?

    --
    Justice is the sheep getting arrested while an impartial judge declares the vote void.