How to Become A Real-World Superhero

utherdoul writes "Batman isn't from outer space and wasn't born with a mutant gene --he uses his riches, raw determination and technological know-how to equip himself to fight evil. So why couldn't the average geek do the same? I've written a story for Forbes.com that breaks down the Dark Knight's expenses and explains what it would cost to become a real-world Batman using commercially available training and technology." From the article: "Batman's suit is a modified piece of infantry armor built by the applied sciences division of Wayne Enterprises. It's waterproof, bulletproof, knife-proof and temperature-regulating. Paired with an impact-resistant, graphite-composite cowl and spiked ninja-style gauntlets, it allows Batman to protect himself against everything from swords to machine guns."

Comments

Duh.

[Black Parrot]

> Batman isn't from outer space and wasn't born with a mutant gene --he uses his riches, raw determination and technological know-how to equip himself to fight evil. So why couldn't the average geek do the same?

Did you miss the part about riches?

Cut to the chase - $3.4 million

[winkydink]

ans several years of your life for training.

The Bottom Line
Final Cost: $3,365,449

The Training: $30,000
The Suit: $1,585
The Belt: $290
The Car: $2,000,000
The Cave: $24,000
The Alter Ego: $1,109,574
The Butler: $200,000

Re:Cut to the chase - $3.4 million

[superpulpsicle]

Recovering some old ladies $10 purse as a superhero: Priceless.

Re:Cut to the chase - $3.4 million

[modecx]

Legalized abortion costs the public virtually nothing and has a much greater effect on reducing crime...

Is that kind of abortion of the postadolescent variety? Because a superhero might be able to help greatly with that, too!

I can see it now: The Aborter. He's a mild mannered abortion clinic doctor by day, helping rid the world of unwanted babies... By night he's on par with The Punisher, except he has a custom-formulated serum that makes villians crap their intestines right out, resulting in a long, miserable (and incredibly messy) death! He also has sonar vision (don't ask how that happened, you don't want to know!) that can also detect "bad seeds", while they're in the womb!

Re:Cut to the chase - $3.4 million

[Diamon]

Wow you can pull off an alter ego as a billionaire by barely spending a million dollars? I guess Wayne manor is just cardboard, duct tape and a coat of paint.

Re:Cut to the chase - $3.4 million

[AeroIllini]

But you would think somebody in R&D would at some point read the latest press on Batman say "Hey! I remember working on that project!"

I think the people in Wayne Enterprises all work on parts and pieces of the projects, never really knowing what they were for, and I think Alfred was supposed to be the one who assembled them into their final form. (I guess that means he also gives the Batmobile a tuneup once in a while.) With that sort of divide-and-conquer strategy, the only employees you'd have to keep quiet would be those in the Bat-Shaped Black Plastic Casings Division.

What?

[Daedalus-Ubergeek]

Batman isn't from outer space and wasn't born with a mutant gene

Also, Batman isn't real.

Re:What?

[hords]

Also, Batman isn't real.

No, but Angle Grinder Man IS! And boy, does it take balls of steel to wear that outfit!

Batman's weakness

[Spy der Mann]

Why doesn't anybody aim at his chin? (no armor there)
All it requires is a sniper.

Re:Batman's weakness

[techsoldaten]

Well, that depends on how you define major injury.

- he has recevied wounds that resulted in broken ribs and broken arms (for that matter he has fallen from great heights in such a way that the reader would assume much worse);

- he has occassionally suffered the effects of neurological toxins which rendered him incapable of normal function;

- he suffered from a disease similar to vampirism that made him incapable of being out in the light;

- he has drowned to the point of needing to be resuscitated;

- he has been impaled and flailed to the point where blood poured out of his costume;

Now, I am not enough of a comics geek to be able to point out issue / page numbers, but I fondly remember these events from the pages of the comics I read in my youth. I always thought he was the toughest superhero because of the predicaments in which he would be placed by writers.

M

Re:Batman's weakness

[YOU LIKEWISE FAIL IT]

"Platonic", you ignorant poltroon! A "plutonic" relationship would be one you had with an igneous rock formed by solidification at considerable depth beneath the earth's surface.

Re:Batman's weakness

[tomhudson]

http://www.health24.com/sex/Glossary/1253-1271,263 53.asp

Doggie style

Also known as rear entry. Sexual position in which a person who is on all fours is penetrated from the rear, either vaginally or anally.

Turns out that the "other" doggie style is the most used:

Survey says "Doggie Style" is most used sexual position:

Husband begs for 2 hours
Wife rolls over and plays dead

Main Problem:

[imsabbel]

Even being totally l33t equipt and fit like Rambo wont give you the magic "perfect Luck" factor batman has.

Even if your suit will stop 99% of all bullets, and your fit enough to beat thugs people into submission 95% of the time.... ... If you go crimefighting every night, after a few months youre chances of being a corpse in some alley are really really good.

Ah yes, become a superhero!

[Roofus]

This reminds me of a quote from Neal Stephenson's Snow Crash:

Until a man is twenty-five, he still thinks, every so often, that under the right circumstances he could be the baddest motherfucker in the world. If I moved to a martial-arts monastery in China and studied real hard for ten years. If my family was wiped out by Colombian drug dealers and I swore myself to revenge. If I got a fatal disease, had one year to live, and devoted it to wiping out street crime. If I just dropped out and devoted my life to being bad.

It's funny, because I used to think that exact thought. Then reality hit, and I realized I'm just a big pussy :(

Re:Ah yes, become a superhero!

[Daniel_Staal]

And why couldn't they, if they really wanted to? If they dedicated themselves to actually doing it?

They might not be the baddest, but they could probably get close.

Really, the difference between Bruce Wane and the most of us with that dream is that he decided it was more important than anything and everything else in his life. His life is filled with exactly two things: maintaining his cover, and being Batman. Nothing else matters, and nothing else exists.

He never has time to watch a movie, or read a book. To try to meet a girl (outside of maintaining his cover, or another superhero). The company is run by others. He has no life.

You may admire the choice, but admit the cost. Maybe you could have made that choice, if you had really wanted to. But could you have paid the personal cost?

If you think it would be worth it, try it. A few have. They didn't start with the resources Bruce Wane did, but I've read articles about a few. (Sorry, can't find them at the moment.) People who dedicated themselves to being the best hero they can be.

Most are trying to figure out how to have a normal life, how to fit in to the world.

$740 a month for Shoalin training?!!

[sTalking_Goat]

Man whatever happened to knocking on the temple door and waiting three days without encouragement

These Chinese keep claiming to be communists but I just don't see it.

What happened to the batman geek?

[DoctaWatson]

The batman I know and love from comics to cartoons to movies to even the hokey 60's Adam West has always been a brilliant detective and keen scientist.

I loved Batman Begins, but I really think they missed the mark when it comes to Batman's CSI savvy.

My head was spinning when Bruce Wayne says "Am I supposed to know what that means?"

So if you want to be a real Batman, figure in another several hundred thousand dollars for advanced degrees in science and criminology.

(Also... $30,000 + 3 years in China != the ability to fight like the movies, but only the keenly stupid would think otherwise, right?)

"Secret" Batcave

[cant_get_a_good_nick]

I always wondered how nobody knew about him being batman, where he's got all this high tech stuff that sometimes gets blown up (the batmobile in Batman and robin). Do they kill the contractors after they're done? There's gotta be one guy who gets drunk in a bar and says "you think you're job is cool, i just fixed the anti-lock brakes on the batmoboile at wayne manor"

Irritating website

[Fallingcow]

They made the content a pop-up that auto advances to the next page after a set amount of time.

Dumbest. Thing. Ever.

Contrast

[spellraiser]

City of Heroes account: $14.95/month

It's a no-brainer. Also, we are geeks, right? Real life is a bit too ... real. Especially when it comes to engaging in violence with unsavory characters.

Now, a badass remote-controlled robot to roam the streets, beating the crap out of the bad guys, that would be something else ...

Wayne Enterprises; hmm there COULD be a connection

[wernst]

ALL this guy's stuff is from the Whatever-Whatever division of Wayne Enterprises. You'd think this "Batman" fellow owned the freaking company or something... ;-)

Real Life Superhero

[bartle]

Anyone who's interested in whether it would actually be possible to become a superhero would probably enjoy this episode of This American Life.

The second act discusses the life of a woman who named herself Zora and decided to, from an early age, learn all the skills needed to become a comic book style superhero. She achieves her goals but then learns that there are very few job opportunities that require all the skills that she now possesses. It's well worth listening to.

A better plan...

[sterno]

You could spend $3.4 million on the batman shtick, or you could spend that money on hiring a vigilante army.

Think about it, what are they paying contractors in Iraq to do protection and security jobs where they are getting hsot at constantly. So pay for them, and then the equipment to arm them, and you'd have a wrecking crew far superior to you on your own.

Figure $250K/vigilante/year for salary and benefits and you could hire 10 of these guys for $2.5 million. Then you'd have about $1 million/year to spend on equipment for them. Body armor, assault rifles, etc.

Then whenever you want justice to be done, you give them a call and they crack some skulls for you. If you want, you can even give them bat ears to put on their helmet so they can keep with the theme.

The best part is, you don't have to worry about getting bruised or scarred. You can go to your rich parties, party it up and know that you've kept the streets safe without personally lifting a finger.

Re:A better plan...

[epiphani]

yes, but this is the logic of most of batmans' opponents, and everyone knows that they always loose.

even if the vest can stop everything...

[mangu]

...have you seen any bullet-proof vest that extends below the belt? Is there nothing important to protect there, or do they think snipers play by boxing rules?

riches wont do you any good

[gad_zuki!]

and if you had the riches what would you do?

There are no cartoonish supervillians. "Street crime" is usually taken care of by the police and is really none of your business. Imagine some moron busting the heads of the local pot dealer out of respect for "justice." If someone is really concerned about the safety of their streets and trains then they can always get a Guardian Angels' t-shirt and the little matching beret and play vigilante.

Big crime happens all the time by power structures like governments, organized religions, corporations, etc. The tools for fighting these nasties don't involve tights. They involve activism, raising awareness, getting others involved in politics, and other things that don't look real cool in graphic novels.

Not to mention if you had insane wealth, you're probably part of the problem. Check the holdings of some wealthy people, they sometimes fund some very shady companies or governments which do some fairly nasty things. Real world problems are rarely fixed with just a punch in the face and a snazzy batmobile.

I'm sure the editors of Forbes magazine have no problem with the worldview that if we just beat up some low level street criminals then everything would be fine.

Re:riches wont do you any good

[Some_Llama]

"Just because you want to get high doens't mean that it's not illegal."

And just because something is illegal, doesn't mean it is "wrong" or deserves a head bashing...

Re:riches wont do you any good

[deacon]

"Street crime" is usually taken care of by the police and is really none of your business.

Not only is this bullshit, it is also the cause of much of the casual crime that goes on today. If you see an old lady being kicked on the ground by someone trying to rob her, that's everybodys business. Obviously, the police are not on the spot when crime happens. They just show up later to collect the bodies.

If, however, you prefer no one helps you when you get mugged, I guess I'll respect your wishes.

The rest of your "class warfare" rant is too foolish to bother responding to.

Re:riches wont do you any good

[gad_zuki!]

>If you see an old lady being kicked on the ground by someone trying to rob her, that's everybodys business.

Oh please, there's an obvious difference between being proactive and reactive. Most people engage in altruism everyday without body armor and a super cool secret identity. You're talking about reacting to something that happens to you; the comic-book superhero is the opposite: a vigilante that seeks out and prevents or thwarts trouble.

So what are you going to do to *prevent* this little old lady from being robbed? Profile certain people? Illegally spy on others? Knock a few heads around to get some information? A bit of street torture? Maybe a lynching to teach bad guys a lesson?

Wanna really help on the small scale? Become a cop.

>If, however, you prefer no one helps you when you get mugged, I guess I'll respect your wishes.

Sigh. Again, you're failing to understand the context of the grandparent post. Nice way to take things personally too.

Re:riches wont do you any good

[Mr. Slippery]

Just because you want to get high doens't mean that it's not illegal.

Just because Christians in ancient Rome wanted to worship Jesus didn't mean that it wasn't illegal.

Just because black people in 1860 wanted to be free didn't mean that helping escaped slaves wasn't illegal.

Just because women before the 1960s wanted to control their own bodies didn't mean that contraception and abortion weren't illegal.

Anyone who attempts to live by any reasonable code of ethics is going to find themselves quite often rooting for, actively assisting, or even becoming, "criminals".

Re:riches wont do you any good

[asdfghjklqwertyuiop]

And just because some people can do it in moderation doesn't mean the majority would use a substance safely, in terms of puting themselves and/or others in danger.

Ok, so if someone on drugs puts someone in danger, just do the same thing we do to anyone else who puts someone in danger. The drugs are completely irrelevant.

Re:riches wont do you any good

[Mr. Slippery]

You forget the utmost important first step--petitioning ones governmetn for a redress of grievences. And that very important second step--attempting to change the government through peaceful means.

So when the government makes immoral and unconstitutional laws, I'm supposed to follow them until my congresscritter gets around to reading my mail? It's only ok to help fugitive slaves escape if you write your legislators first? Pardon me, but I must disagree.

Yes, I've written a letters to my congresscritters over the years, and have donated money to NORML and the ACLU, and my vote is certainly influenced by candidates stances on the War on (some) Drugs and other abuses of state power. But it's pissing in the wind.

And since you mentioned doing things that are illegal, let's not forget the first rule of civil disobedience, as taught by Ghandi and King--you NEED the other side to be seen to carry out the law onto you.

I never mentioned civil disobedience. I'm certainly not talking here about civil disobedience as a social movement as practiced by Ghandi and King. If the term "civil disobedience" applies at all, it is in the original sense as used by Thoreau:

Must the citizen ever for a moment, or in the least degree, resign his conscience to the legislator? WHy has every man a conscience then? I think that we should be men first, and subjects afterward. It is not desirable to cultivate a respect for the law, so much as for the right. The only obligation which I have a right to assume is to do at any time what I think right.

...

If the injustice is part of the necessary friction of the machine of government, let it go, let it go: perchance it will wear smooth--certainly the machine will wear out. If the injustice has a spring, or a pulley, or a rope, or a crank, exclusively for itself, then perhaps you may consider whether the remedy will not be worse than the evil; but if it is of such a nature that it requires you to be the agent of injustice to another, then I say, break the law. Let your life be a counter-friction to stop the machine. What I have to do is to see, at any rate, that I do not lend myself to the wrong which I condemn.

But I'm not, a priori, limiting the options to civil disobedience; I'm willing to consider the use of justifiable defensive force against violent actions by agents of the state.

A lethal height "dose" is....

[spineboy]

The generally regarded LD50 (lethal dose where 50% of the involved die) for height is about 4-5 stories. I do a lot of trauma orthopaedic surgery, and I have to say that we don't get many people alive who've fallen more than 50 feet. We do get some exceptions, but just remember the good old E=1/2MV^2 rule - survivability falls off sharply at height greater than 50 ft (roughly 40 MPH).