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How the ESRB Rates Games

Posted by timothy on from the they-know-it-when-they-see-it dept.

Ant writes "Joystiq mentioned a short Slate story on how the Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB) reviews and rates games. (Seen on Blue's News.)"

23 of 304 comments (clear)

  1. How the ESRB Rates Games by Fr05t · · Score: 4, Funny

    Not based on content added/unlocked by modders of course!

    1. Re:How the ESRB Rates Games by Fr05t · · Score: 3, Funny

      Yeah I know, I know :P They really need to up the M age to 18+, and crack down on retailers selling it to minors.

    2. Re:How the ESRB Rates Games by UserGoogol · · Score: 2, Funny

      Well, people who watch porn very often masturbate while doing it, but people rarely watch action movies while torturing hoboes. ^_^

      --
      "Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity." -- Hanlon's Razor
  2. I hear... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    it's a complicated process mostly involving some bits of paper, a hat and a dart board.

  3. short guide by aendeuryu · · Score: 5, Funny

    No violence, swearing: For all
    Violence, no blood, no swearing: 12
    Violence with blood & swearing: 15
    Extreme violence with blood & swearing: 18
    Boobies: OH MY GOD 25 AT LEAST WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN??????

    1. Re:short guide by FidelCatsro · · Score: 5, Funny

      You forgot one
      Cut out sex scene (available through large hack) : WARNING may bring about the rapture

      --
      The only things certain in war are Propaganda and Death. You can never be sure which is which though
    2. Re:short guide by TobyWong · · Score: 5, Funny

      Can you imagine what kind of society we would live in if people were exposed to naked breasts at a very young age?!?

      --
      - Toby
    3. Re:short guide by dstewart · · Score: 5, Funny

      A mammalian one?

      --
      Not every argument requires reduction to absurdity.
    4. Re:short guide by westcoaster004 · · Score: 3, Funny

      The solution is simple: ammend the US Constitution. Or just have them modify there part about "the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed." and have it changed to, "the right of the people to see and bare breasts, shall not be infringed."

    5. Re:short guide by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      Am I the only one who thinks it's odd we let them drive at 16 but they're not mature enough to see breasts yet?

      I, at the age of 40 still find it hard to drive while looking at breasts.

  4. a witches stew. by infonography · · Score: 5, Funny

    A dark Cave. In the middle, a Caldron Boiling.

    [Thunder. Enter the three Witches.]

    FIRST WITCH.
    Thrice the brinded cat hath mew'd.

    SECOND WITCH.
    Thrice; and once the hedge-pig whin'd.

    THIRD WITCH.
    Harpier cries:--"tis time, 'tis time.

    FIRST WITCH.
    Round about the caldron go;
    In the poison'd entrails throw.--
    Toad, that under cold stone,
    Days and nights has thirty-one
    Swelter'd venom sleeping got,
    Boil thou first i' the charmed pot!

    ALL.
    Double, double, toil and trouble;
    Fire, burn; and caldron, bubble.

    And we all agree, rate this one E for Everybody!

    --
    Sorry about the writing. Robot fingers, you know? Cliff Steele in DOOM PATROL #23
  5. The Busty Need Not Apply by blueZhift · · Score: 2, Funny

    From the article

    But by speaking with the raters in person, a company's representatives might learn, for example, that a particular character is probably a bit too busty for an "E."

    Heck, a lot of the people on the street are a bit too busty for an E, so I guess we won't be seeing models like them in video games eh? This censorship must stop! We must stand up for the rights of well endowed computer generated game characters! Next they'll be picking on the over or underweight. Where will it end?

    Okay, okay, it's a slow day...

    --
    To the making of books there is no end, so let's get started
  6. It's not random? by Umbral+Blot · · Score: 2, Funny

    I had always assumed it was in some kind of formula based on kick-backs and relation of the producers to the members of the board.

    --

    Philosophy.
  7. Re:Up tight Americans by Xaroth · · Score: 5, Funny

    How can sex be more offensive than violence?

    Have you seen the average American?

    *shudder*

    --
    That green slime had it coming.
  8. fourth-hand news? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    So this a Slashdot article, linking to a Blue's News article, linking to a Joystiq article linking to a Slate article about the ESRB? Wow, it's like the internet version of telephone...

  9. Re:Up tight Americans by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny
    How can sex be more offensive than violence?

    Ask my wife. And she really hates violence.

  10. Re:Up tight Americans by Compholio · · Score: 3, Funny

    How can sex be more offensive than violence?

    Because the Conservative and Unreasonable NuTS have taken over our country and they won't give it back.

  11. Murder, Theft, Swearing, Oh my by RamboIII · · Score: 2, Funny
    I played all the GTA games so far on my Sony Playstation2. Good game. I don't understand how a lady like Hillary Clinton could be moved by it enough to care though. I mean, it's a mod, not the original game itself. You have to change the content of the game before you can see the sex side of it.

    Hillary comes home early from a hard days work. Bill is sitting naked on the living room floor, with PS2 game controler in one hand, and his [your name for shlong here] in the other

    Hillary - Oh Bill, not again! WTF???

    Bill - Oh uhh, baby it's not what it seems.

    Hillary - Bill, you promised this wouldn't happen again. Where is she?

    Bill - No, no, baby look. It's called a "video game" and you play it with this "video controler". Look baby, I got a thing called a "mod" and now I can have sex with girls, and I don't have to cheat on my wife!

    Hillary - Well, let me see it.
    ---Hillary takes controller from Bill---
    Hillary - Oh wow Bill, that is neat.

    That's just the begining baby, look here, there's a secret code I can put in.
    ---Bill grabs the controler back and taps in the following...---
    L1,L1,L2,R1,X,TRIANGLE,L,U,R,D,L, U,D
    The game pauses for a moment, then BOINK! A cigar appears in hand.

    Hillary - What's that for?

    Bill - Here baby, watch this....

    --
    Time is comparison of movement to other movement.
  12. The Children by jcnnghm · · Score: 2, Funny

    Violent video games (or god forbid sexually explicit video games) and dodgeball are the biggest problems facing the American youth of today, and both should be banned immediately.

    Won't someone think of the children. Thank god for Hillary.



    Laugh

    --
    You don't make the poor richer by making the rich poorer. - Winston Churchill
  13. Re:Up tight Americans by MrRoarkeLovesTattoo · · Score: 1, Funny

    We have a president (note the small p) named Bush and a vice president named Dick. Dick and Bush, Bush and Dick. This country is begging for sex!

  14. as negative population growth proponent by Thud457 · · Score: 2, Funny

    Actually, I think American lip-service to prudery is good thing. Sex leads to more people, violence leads to less people. (Unless it's violent sex. )

    --

    the preceding comment is my own and in no way reflects the opinion of the Joint Chiefs of Staff

  15. Possibly... by chriswaclawik · · Score: 2, Funny

    ... a Oujia board?

    --
    A guy walks into a bar... well, I forgot the joke, but the punchline is that he's an alcoholic.
  16. Re:I have a better idea. by kin_korn_karn · · Score: 2, Funny

    Grand Theft Camel: Jericho
    You are Menachem, an Israelite badass with a covenant!