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Google Plans To Destroy Unindexed Information

Posted by Zonk on from the bow-before-the-google-rays-pitiful-mortals dept.

linolium writes "Executives at Google, the rapidly growing online-search company that promises to 'organize the world's information,' announced Monday the latest step in their expansion effort: a far-reaching plan to destroy all the information it is unable to index. 'Book burning is just the beginning," said Google co-founder Larry Page. 'This fall, we'll unveil Google Sound, which will record and index all the noise on Earth. Is your baby sleeping soundly? Does your high-school sweetheart still talk about you? Google will have the answers.'" FYI; it's The Onion, so yes, it's a joke.

14 of 319 comments (clear)

  1. In other news by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Slashdot vows to destory all fake articles.

  2. As if dupes weren't enough... by NETHED · · Score: 5, Funny

    Now slashdot is quoting THE ONION as real news. Wow, I want my subscription money back.

    --
    --sig fault--
    1. Re:As if dupes weren't enough... by Evro · · Score: 5, Insightful

      Come on, the best way to ruin a joke completely is to say "HEY GUYS, THIS IS FUNNY! HAHAHA!" A tongue-in-cheek like this needs to be presented deadpan as Zonk did. The actual comic value of the joke itself is another matter, of course.

      --
      rooooar
  3. I love the Onion... by BlabberMouth · · Score: 5, Funny

    this reminds me of Bill Gates decision to raise his Charisma to 25.

  4. The Onion is now 'Stuff That Matters'? by Shayde · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Is this really worth a top post on Slashdot, that The Onion wrote a funny piece? It's sort of their standard fare - in fact, I'm beginning to feel like The Onion is doing a better job at putting togethe rinteresting articles than slashdot is.

    Planet-Geek

    --
    Event Management Solutions : http://www.stonekeep.com/
  5. This is worse than the winzip ad! by 0xdeaddead · · Score: 5, Funny

    Did you see that? thats /. jumping the shark.

  6. No problem by Infinityis · · Score: 5, Funny

    I wouldn't worry too much, your stuff should still be safe. I hear it takes them awhile to get these things out of Beta...

  7. Now, now by Dark+Paladin · · Score: 5, Funny

    I know it doesn't show up on the main page, but the "Monty Python humor foot" is visible when you click the link. I'm sure anyone with a shred of a sense of humor would recognize it's a joke.

    Ease up, cowboy. There will be a dupe you can complain about coming along in 5 minutes. My money's on the "Microsoft employee virus chaser" myself - anyone want to place bets that "Freespire" is the next dupe?

    --
    52 Weeks, 52 Religions with John Hummel
  8. Re:Humor Alert by ArbitraryConstant · · Score: 5, Funny

    "When did /. get a sense of humor?"

    It didn't, they just did their usual amount of fact checking.

    --
    I rarely criticize things I don't care about.
  9. Plonk Zonk! by nuntius · · Score: 5, Insightful
    Consider a few of Zonk's messages for today:
    • Buy Antivirus for your cell phone
    • Why we should all love corporate Linux
    • MS supports good guys!
    • Why you need a new digital camera... and its not about picture quality.
    • Breaking story from America's Finest News Source.
    What do these have in common? Corporate cheer-leading, perhaps?

    I want news, not ads for nerds.

  10. Re:Man...i knew....but.. by kramer · · Score: 5, Informative

    It's really not that hard.....

    (1) Go to preferences
    (2) Select Home Page
    (3) Uncheck Zonk in the list of Authors you want to read stories from
    (4) Profit

  11. Is this a wakeup call? by Hannah+E.+Davis · · Score: 5, Interesting
    This actually made me giggle. Not because it's from The Onion, but because it looks like even the /. editors have finally realized that this community's obsession with Google has gone a little too far. This article follows close on the heels of innumerable other articles -- if you look under the Google topic you'll see that there's usually at least one per day -- most of which are a bizarre fanboyish mix of solid facts (eg. Google hired some guy! Google bought an ordinary piece of hardware!) and conjecture (eg. Google is clearly going to make a whole new internet!).

    This article calls attention to just how silly the whole thing is. Before I'm modded as a troll, I'd like to point out that I like Google too, but it isn't healthy to worship them this much or post every single Google-related rumour on the internet on this site.

    And of course, if Zonk actually did think it was real, that just makes everything I said all the more true...

  12. good thing by cybergrunt69 · · Score: 5, Funny

    Ya know, this is really a good thing! I was really wondering how I was gonna hide all that stuff I didn't want the cops/feds to find out about me. Now, I don't have to worry about it - the all-knowing all-powerful Google Purge service will make sure my computer is clean!



    OTOH, I sent this page to some friends, and they actually believed it for a few minutes... I need new friends...

    --
    --- "To ignore race and sex is racist and sexist!" -- Jesse Jackson
  13. In the spirit of the Onion... by NanoGator · · Score: 5, Funny

    I refuse to RTFA because it's obviously an ad for the Onion. They make their money by serving ads while I read their amusing parodies. Well I, for one, refuse to read anything that isn't pasted to me in clear text completely sanitized of ads and recommended to me by a disinterested 3rd party. I know it seems a bit hypocritical of me to post a comment on an ad-supported site about how I won't read the article of another ad-supported site, but I really love the prestige of having the word 'Insightful' appear next to my nick.

    --
    "Derp de derp."