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Canada's Do-Not-Hesitate-To-Call List
An anonymous reader writes "The creation of a do-not-call list in Canada has run into
trouble. Michael Geist reports that the proposal has been effectively destroyed, with exceptions for just about every telemarketer including businesses, political parties, polling companies, and charities. The government committee apparently heard from the marketers but refused to listen to consumer groups."
I would like to thank Canada for creating a place where a lonely person like me can go to have constant human contact via phone calls. I will now be able to live a much fuller life if I move to Canada.
The subject says it all. It could also be a solution: /. the telemarketers
My wife's sketchblog Blob[p]: Gastrono-me
I'm moving to the U.S.!
With pre-emptive slashdotting, the target website is obliterated BEFORE any slashdotter has any chance of seeing it!
The way I think it works out now is that if you sign on to the Canadian Do-Not-Call list you will only receive calls from businesses, political parties, polling companies, and charities.
Try not. Do or do not, there is no try.
-- Dr. Spock, stardate 2822-3.
So what's the problem? I mean how long does it take your dog to answer the phone, anyway? I should think he could handle 30 sales calls per day, easy.
John
Is that why the dog is the one with two phone lines?
I would be extremely interested to know if cats can be trained as well. Perhaps with some catnip on the handset?
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Where's the "mom" in the mom-n-pop? If it's just you 4 guys and the dog...
You've almost got the correct solution. I'm convinced that the "real" correct solution is to maximize the amount of time a telemarketer has to spend on the phone with you without a successful sale.
The trivial method of doing this is straightforward, you get them into their selling mode, and then very quietly set the phone down. They'll talk for maybe 5-10 minutes before realizing that there's no one on the other end of the phone. After 15 minutes (or when you hear the annoying "phone off the hook" tone), come back and hang up.
The slightly more effective method would be to record a sample of yourself saying (at 10-15 second intervals) "OOOoooh... Aaaaaahhh.. That sounds really cool.... Yes, please, tell me more..." You want the recorded loop to be ~5 minutes long to try to make the tape last longer during the phone call... People are pretty good at picking up patterns, so the longer the loop, the longer you can keep the solicitor on the phone. There is a slight improvement possible on this method whereby you record the samples individually and then use winamp to randomize the playback. That oughta be good for at least 20-30 minutes of telemarketer time.
But the optimal solution is clearly to write an AI application that leads the telemarketer down the longest possible path through their script, and possibly loops them through it from time to time. Ideally, the application would even recognize call waiting and would ask the marketer to "hold on" while it clicked over and allowed you to speak with the person on the other line. It would need to analyze what they're saying and then say "no" at appropriate times to keep the marketer on the phone for as long as possible. I imagine with such an application, you could probably keep a marketer on the phone for 2-3 hours, if not more!
As soon as I'm done writing this app, I'll be happy to sell it to you for a mere $19.95. Just send me your telephone number so I can call you and....
I currently have no clever signature witicism to add here.
Just feed Eliza some random input from an irc channel and pipe its output into ATT&T TTS system and then into the phone for the telemarketer.
Option 2)
And if you are really lucky (and spammed), team up two telemarketers with each other, just as we saw with skype here.
Don't answer your phone... Mine has been on an answering machine since about 1980. We talk to each other by leaving messages on each other's machines. Keeps the phone bill down too.
Oh well, what the hell...
It's been quite effective for this U.S. resident. In fact, the only telemarketing calls I get nowadays are from Canada...
Seeing bad movies only encourages them. Watch responsibly
Bah, it's fun leading the telemarketer's scripts to deadends anyway. It's a simple state machine.
TM: Hello. We are from bank XXX and we are offering a free gredit card. Blah, blah..
Me: I'm sorry but I don't have the time for this.
TM: You don't have to do anything.
Me: Nothing?
TM: Yes. A courier will bring it to your house.
Me: And it's free?
TM: Yes.
Me: Well, ok then.
TM: Ok! A courier will visit our house tomorrow at about 13:000. We will need a photocopy of our ID card and..
Me: Wait! You said I don't have to do anything.
TM: Well, you just have to make a photocopy.
Me: But that means that I have to get out of my house and go do this. You told me I don't have to do anything at all. That is something.
TM: Are you serious sir. You cannot get a photocopy of your ID card?
Me: -almost laughing- I'm afraid not.
TM: -very disappointed- ok then *sir*. If you can't get a photocopy of your ID...
Which was great until I gained a mother-in-law that blocks Caller ID and doesn't understand *82.
Did anyone bother to ask the customers what they want?
Which was great until I gained a mother-in-law that blocks Caller ID and doesn't understand *82.
Being married myself, I fail to see how this still isn't great. Now if only I could get my in-laws to go with private dialing I'd be set.
Which was even better when I gained a mother-in-law that blocks Caller ID and doesn't understand *82.
Thought your post needed a bit of editing.
Heck, you could probably modify Eliza to do it.
"EARLIER YOU SAID YOU HAVE A DISCOUNTED PRICE FOR A LIMITED TIME"
"ARE YOU PREPARED TO ELABORATE?"
"SUPPOSE I WERE NOT A QUALIFIED RECIPIENT OF YOUR SPECIAL OFFER"
If a job's not worth doing, it's not worth doing right.
I hate when those police organizations call and say stuff like, "We think that losing even ONE child is too many. Don't you agree?"
I usually try to say completely calm and cold, "No actually one is ok. Most people have more than one kid as a backup anyways."
Very hard to do actually, you should try it sometime.
*Of course I value human life, especially children. It just gets me how these people try and prey on your emotions to get $10*
Well doesn't federal law apply to the states also?
From someone who has had the nerve, it tends to work even Better if your both men :
.. sure I guess .. "
Telemarketer: "I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions?"
Me: "May I ask you one question first ?"
TM: "Umm
Me: (Deep breathy kind of voice) "What are you wearing right now. I mean, is it sexy ?"
TM: "Umm"
Me: "Lacey ? Leather ? What, common now, don't hold back."
TM "Thank-you sir, I hope you have a good day."
*click*
--Ne auderis delere orbem rigidum meum, non erravi pernicose!
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My 4-year-old just LOVES to talk on the phone. "Ya wanna speak to the lady of the house? SURE! I'll get her for ya!" Usually the poor schmucks hang up after about 5 minutes.
"He who would learn astronomy, and other recondite arts, let him go elsewhere. " -- John Calvin, commenting on Genesis 1