Microsoft to Buy Stake in AOL

NetDanzr writes "According to various sources (Bloomberg, Reuters, CNet), Microsoft is in talks with Time Warner to buy a stake in AOL. While the size of the stake or its prize has not been disclosed yet, Bloomberg speculates that this deal would profit both companies. Microsoft would profit from merging the AOL portal with MSN, as a strategy to catch up with his rivals in this space Yahoo and Google, while Time Warner would gain some ammunition in its fight with a renegade shareholder, Carl Icahn. According to CNBC, AOL is just about to turn the corner and is currently the most undervalued division of Time Warner."

Comments

holy crap

[DarkProphet]

this marks the end!

woohoo

[Anonymous Coward]

Finally putting the two largest scum of the earth together!!

Now hopefully, we can get rid of them both when this fails.

Re:woohoo

[richdun]

Finally putting the two largest scum of the earth together!!

SCO's involved in this?

I completely believe the CNBC statement

[seniorcoder]

Why wouldn't a statement come from CNBC declaring this to be a good purchase? It is from such an unbiased source after all.

No, NOOOOO!

[Knight Thrasher]

FIREFOX HAS NO MOUSE GESTURE TO EXPRESS MY HORROR!!!!!!!!!!

This is the single most terrifying news I've heard all week. I'd almost... no, I WOULD prefer an asteroid the size of Texas hurdling at the Earth.

Re:No, NOOOOO!

[RapmasterT]

Might I suggest a finger gesture instead?

Re:No, NOOOOO!

[mattkime]

no, I WOULD prefer an asteroid the size of Texas hurdling at the Earth.

So would I, particularly if it was the shape of texas AND hit texas.

Then again, we're about 5 years too late for it to do much good. :(

Oh no.

[DrEldarion]

Just when you thought the world was safe, evil and evil unite. Been nice knowing you guys. I'm off to read "revelations" to see what's about to go down.

Microsoft + AOL

[Ann Elk]

Two great things that... uhh... nevermind.

One giant ball of EVIL

[TripleE78]

It's like all of the stupidity and evil on the web is forming together like some sort of monopolistic Voltron.

Does this mean Google is going to build a giant robot to compete?

Seriously, I haven't had enough coffee yet for this news, and it's before noon, so I can't hit the booze just yet.

~EEE~

Two wrongs

[tompercival]

Is this an example of two wrongs not making a right?

Re:Two wrongs

[Guysmiley777]

This is an example of two great big balls of suck combining to form a critical mass of suck the likes of which have never been seen. The sheer density of suckage will actually tear a hole in the internet.

Re:holy shit!

[KDN]

Sure, now we're going to be innundated with Windows CD's offering 1000 hours of Windows free with your credit card.

Blarg

[Anonymous Coward]

Microsoft and AOL. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy...

New portal names after merging

[zymurgy_cat]

Hmmm...merging MSN and AOL....

L'MOANS
SLAMON
SALMON (mmmm...tasty web portal)
MAN-LOS
MOLSAN (mmmm...brewed web portal...but subject to trademark fight...)

Re:New portal names after merging

[Mitchell Mebane]

How about A/S/L, MON?

Me too!

[nacturation]

Indeed! Microsoft is putting a stake through AOL!

Make peace with any gods you believe in

[Conspiracy_Of_Doves]

The moment the new combined AOL/MSN portal goes online, it will generate a vortex of suck large enough to consume the entire solar system, leaving nothing behind but a cloud of waveforms and probabilities.

Re:Make peace with any gods you believe in

[ckaminski]

And a little pop up that says:

    Critical Error: Universe rebooted. Report to Microsoft Support?

                                Don't Send . Send

Re:holy shit!

[rhsanborn]

Dude...you just said most worst...incredible...

Windows + AOL

[rlp]

So when will Gates announce that AOL is "part of the operating system"?

MS was feeling left out....

[MrKahuna]

Oracle buys Siebel.
eBay buys Skype.

Ballmer: (to Bill via bad cell phone connection) Billy-boy, what are we going to do? They're getting more press than us this week.
Gates: Eh? Oh hell! ( as he spills his coffee on his lap and hangs up)
Ballmer: Well, ok if you say so.

Now that's insightful

[SuperKendall]

I think AOL is more of a Tar Baby than a Death Star style weapon of ultimate power.

Re:i don't get it

[BristolCream]

"What am I missing?"

Free coasters.

Their reason

[Cro Magnon]

Microsoft isn't satisfied with the worst portal in the world. Now they want to buy the 2nd worst to guarantee their position.

Re:holy shit!

[Anonymous Coward]

Sorry ... I meant most worsest .

Re:holy shit!

[JWW]

Hey he was describing hotmail...

Ok, so he should have used absolute worstest!! ;-)

Re:Bad deals this week

[Rhoon]

Yeah, all 27 variations of them!

Vista Porn Edition with AOL Popup Blocker!

Although, that could make a great new slogan.
"Welcome! You've got porn!"

Mr Pot? Please meet Mr Kettle.

[Ralph Spoilsport]

MSN and AOL team up? Yeah - there's a marriage made in heaven. How'd you like to be the poor stiff in Bangalore sorting out the crap that's certain to result?

Caller: Hi. I have MSN and my AOL account doesn't work. In fact nothing works.

Banglaore Tech: And sir did you turn the computer on sir?

Caller: Oh. right.

Bangalore Tech: Very good sir. Now kindly go fuck yourself sir. Thank you for calling MSN/AOL tech support, you knuckle dragging imperialist asswipe sir.

RS

Re:holy shit!

[soft_guy]

Sure, now we're going to be innundated with Windows CD's offering 1000 hours of Windows free with your credit card.

This sounds like something that could be used as a deterent to crime.

Judge: "You are hereby sentanced 1000 hours of Windows"
Defendent: "Nooooooooooooooo!"

Probably wouldn't work though. We have restrictions on cruel and unusual punishment. Windows isn't unusual, but it certainly is cruel.

Re:holy shit!

[Coneasfast]

Dude...you just said most worst...incredible...

sorry, proper english can't describe what MS did.

Re:i don't get it

[obender]

like programmers using vi to edit CSS

There's no better way to edit CSS other than vi! Unless of course you are from the other camp...

Re:i don't get it

[wolf31o2]

A portion of both groups discover eventually that the world is bigger than their little corner of it, but, like programmers using vi to edit CSS, they stick with their original chat and web clients even knowing that there are better alternatives.

And what the hell is wrong with using vi to edit CSS?

I mean, it's not like we're using emacs or anything.

If and when they do merge, they'll need a name...

[jpellino]

So here's the anagrams for AOL and MSN...

MAL ONS - MAL SON - LAM ONS
LAM SON - SALMON - ALMS NO
ALMS ON - SLAM NO - SLAM ON
MA SOLN - AM SOLN - MAN LOS
MAN SOL - MANS LO

"Salmon" has more logo possibilities;
"Slam On!" will appeal to the x-treme and H4x0r crowd,
but "Man, S.O.L.!" is probably closer to what most people think of this development.

Welcome to the New WinAOL OS

[Alien54]

Now combining all of the worst features of both into one incredibly tortured interface.

Can you imagine bootinh windows into the dulcet tones of the AOL Bot saying, "You got Mail?"

Or AOL with the new and improved advanced Clippy the speaking paperclip help technology?

Re:holy shit!

[Rei]

Hey, I'm glad to hear about this. Kudos to Microsoft for helping unify disparate litigious and malefactious corporate bodies into a single, easier to target entity. Up next: Microsoft to merge with SCO, Haliburton, Monsanto, and the Carlyle Group; to relocate headquarters to the vibrant financial district of Dis.

s/Buy/Bury/

[HTH NE1]

Indeed, the headline contains a typo. It should read:

Microsoft to Bury Stake in AOL

Re:Think its about instant message..MSN + AIM

[loose_cannon_gamer]

I'm afraid your post is altogether too well thought-out for this discussion... Perhaps you didn't read enough of the other comments?

The only legitimate responses must contain references to how horrible this all is and how both companies are the devil. Your rationality about the whole thing is disturbing.

Thank you,

The Conformity Police