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Microsoft to Buy Stake in AOL
NetDanzr writes "According to various sources (Bloomberg, Reuters, CNet), Microsoft is in talks with Time Warner to buy a stake in AOL. While the size of the stake or its prize has not been disclosed yet, Bloomberg speculates that this deal would profit both companies. Microsoft would profit from merging the AOL portal with MSN, as a strategy to catch up with his rivals in this space Yahoo and Google, while Time Warner would gain some ammunition in its fight with a renegade shareholder, Carl Icahn. According to CNBC, AOL is just about to turn the corner and is currently the most undervalued division of Time Warner."
Why wouldn't a statement come from CNBC declaring this to be a good purchase? It is from such an unbiased source after all.
This is the single most terrifying news I've heard all week. I'd almost... no, I WOULD prefer an asteroid the size of Texas hurdling at the Earth.
Just when you thought the world was safe, evil and evil unite. Been nice knowing you guys. I'm off to read "revelations" to see what's about to go down.
Two great things that... uhh... nevermind.
Is this an example of two wrongs not making a right?
Sure, now we're going to be innundated with Windows CD's offering 1000 hours of Windows free with your credit card.
Finally putting the two largest scum of the earth together!!
SCO's involved in this?
The moment the new combined AOL/MSN portal goes online, it will generate a vortex of suck large enough to consume the entire solar system, leaving nothing behind but a cloud of waveforms and probabilities.
Technoli
So when will Gates announce that AOL is "part of the operating system"?
[Insert pithy quote here]
Oracle buys Siebel.
eBay buys Skype.
Ballmer: (to Bill via bad cell phone connection) Billy-boy, what are we going to do? They're getting more press than us this week.
Gates: Eh? Oh hell! ( as he spills his coffee on his lap and hangs up)
Ballmer: Well, ok if you say so.
How about A/S/L, MON?
The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet.
--Aristotle
Microsoft isn't satisfied with the worst portal in the world. Now they want to buy the 2nd worst to guarantee their position.
Slow down, cowboy! It has been 4 hours since you last posted. You must wait another few hours.
Caller: Hi. I have MSN and my AOL account doesn't work. In fact nothing works.
Banglaore Tech: And sir did you turn the computer on sir?
Caller: Oh. right.
Bangalore Tech: Very good sir. Now kindly go fuck yourself sir. Thank you for calling MSN/AOL tech support, you knuckle dragging imperialist asswipe sir.
RS
Shoes for Industry. Shoes for the Dead.
Sure, now we're going to be innundated with Windows CD's offering 1000 hours of Windows free with your credit card.
This sounds like something that could be used as a deterent to crime.
Judge: "You are hereby sentanced 1000 hours of Windows"
Defendent: "Nooooooooooooooo!"
Probably wouldn't work though. We have restrictions on cruel and unusual punishment. Windows isn't unusual, but it certainly is cruel.
Avoid Missing Ball for High Score
Dude...you just said most worst...incredible...
sorry, proper english can't describe what MS did.
Marge, get me your address book, 4 beers, and my conversation hat.
So here's the anagrams for AOL and MSN...
MAL ONS - MAL SON - LAM ONS
LAM SON - SALMON - ALMS NO
ALMS ON - SLAM NO - SLAM ON
MA SOLN - AM SOLN - MAN LOS
MAN SOL - MANS LO
"Salmon" has more logo possibilities;
"Slam On!" will appeal to the x-treme and H4x0r crowd,
but "Man, S.O.L.!" is probably closer to what most people think of this development.
"Win treats sysadmins better than users. Mac treats users better than sysadmins. Linux treats everyone like sysadmins."
Can you imagine bootinh windows into the dulcet tones of the AOL Bot saying, "You got Mail?"
Or AOL with the new and improved advanced Clippy the speaking paperclip help technology?
"It is a greater offense to steal men's labor, than their clothes"
Hey, I'm glad to hear about this. Kudos to Microsoft for helping unify disparate litigious and malefactious corporate bodies into a single, easier to target entity. Up next: Microsoft to merge with SCO, Haliburton, Monsanto, and the Carlyle Group; to relocate headquarters to the vibrant financial district of Dis.
You look beautiful! Incidentally, my favorite artist is Picasso.