Tux Can Even Milk Cows!

← Back to Stories (view on slashdot.org)

Posted by Zonk on Saturday October 22, 2005 @07:12PM from the i-don't-have-it-that-good dept.

GuitarNeophyte writes "If you're a cow, you want to get milked when you want to get milked. And if you were a dairy farmer, you want to make your cow happy. So what do you do? Set up a machine that gives the cow control of its milking schedule. Oh yeah, of course, it runs on Linux. It identifies the cow, then finds the udders, milks the cow, cleans it's undercarriage, and lets it go."

33 of 313 comments (clear)

automated accident prevention? by neostorm · 2005-10-22 19:15 · Score: 3, Funny

What happens when a bull accidently wanders in?
1. Re:automated accident prevention? by aussie_a · 2005-10-22 19:26 · Score: 4, Funny
  
  What happens when a bull accidently wanders in?
  
  It will be a happy bull that wanders out.
2. Re:automated accident prevention? by MarkRose · 2005-10-22 20:41 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  You'd end up with Half & Half.
  
  --
  Be relentless!
3. Re:automated accident prevention? by jawtheshark · 2005-10-22 22:38 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  Ehm, I'm not actually an expert on the subject. ( I have no idea how semen tastes) I heard that the taste actually varies according to what you eat and drink. No idea if it's true, but I know a girl that refuses to give you a blowjob if you drink alcohol. (Of course, I found that out *after* drinking beer... *sigh*)
  
  --
  Ahhh...the great dumpster continuum. Many a free computer will be found there. -- sowth (748135)
4. Re:automated accident prevention? by nacturation · 2005-10-23 01:25 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  Tux, meet Longhorn.
  
  --
  Want to improve your Karma? Instead of "Post Anonymously", try the "Post Humously" option.
Ultimate geek tool by ozmanjusri · 2005-10-22 19:17 · Score: 4, Funny

It identifies the cow, then finds the udders

A tool for finding udders? I really do not want to see where this story ends up...

--
"I've got more toys than Teruhisa Kitahara."
1. Re:Ultimate geek tool by The+New+Andy · 2005-10-22 19:22 · Score: 5, Funny
  
  I'm sure people will milk it for all it's worth.
2. Re:Ultimate geek tool by Anonymous Coward · 2005-10-22 19:36 · Score: 3, Funny
  
  don't you udder another word!
3. Re:Ultimate geek tool by Anonymous Coward · 2005-10-22 21:54 · Score: 1, Funny
  
  Microsoft Udder Finder, version 3. Has memory leaks though, and sometime it blue-screens your cow.
  
  I thought I herd (sic) you say mammary leaks.
It depends by gcnaddict · 2005-10-22 19:19 · Score: 3, Funny

Well the result of the bull walking in would either be a MOOOOOOOOOO!!!
...

...or a moOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

--
Viable Slashdot alternatives: https://pipedot.org/ and http://soylentnews.org/
1. Re:It depends by Haydn+Fenton · 2005-10-23 02:38 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  Well then, lets encourage these bulls to start the ball rolling in getting the cows programming in the COW programming language. I'm sure if we hooked up an infinite number of bovine beasts all programming in COW then we could get them to write the entire collection of William Shakesphere, or 99 bottles of beer.
  We can also power the computers using the cows. Once the cows have written a module to churn the milk into cheese, we dangle the cheese infront on them whilst they're on treadmills. Thus a perpetual system for efficiently producing the worlds electricity and dairy products, and creating the worlds software solutions is created. Us geeks can take a rest for a while, using the worlds protein surplus to gain hulk-like muscles and we can finally take over the world. This may lead to a Geek vs. Cow showdown for ultimate control of the planet, but once we lure all the pirates and ninjas in with our huge dairy stock, we'll win fo' shizzle.
Re:Dare i ask by gfody · 2005-10-22 19:21 · Score: 3, Funny

Tux can milk anything with nipples really

--

bite my glorious golden ass.
I didn't read the article by 13bPower · 2005-10-22 19:22 · Score: 4, Funny

And am a bit drunk, but I assume its running Ubuntmoo?
1. Re:I didn't read the article by salparadyse · 2005-10-22 19:46 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  Nah, some udder distro I think.
2. Re:I didn't read the article by ArsenneLupin · 2005-10-22 20:23 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  The joke works much better in German...
That's nothing... by Anonymous Coward · 2005-10-22 19:23 · Score: 5, Funny

Microsoft has a software product which milks humans.
Cheesy One Liners by Eberlin · 2005-10-22 19:29 · Score: 5, Funny

This is just slashdot trying to milk Linux's popularity.

I wonder how many anonymous COWards we'll have posting for this one.

Does the distro have cowsay preinstalled?

Lots of mootivated developers contributed to the project.

To code is human -- to milk bovine

I call bull -- this is udder nonsense!

Alternate headline: Tux gets creamed!
Wow by Digital+Dharma · 2005-10-22 19:29 · Score: 4, Funny

I never thought I would see an article on /. about Linux milking it's customers for everything they've got.

--
End of Line.
Wow... by Colz+Grigor · 2005-10-22 19:32 · Score: 2, Funny

Why don't they sell this thing on Thinkgeek?
::Colz Grigor
automated accident prevention?-Foamy head. by Anonymous Coward · 2005-10-22 19:42 · Score: 4, Funny

"It will be a happy bull that wanders out."

Yes, but your milkshakes are going to have an awful funny taste.
The man page is simple by shadowmatter · 2005-10-22 19:48 · Score: 4, Funny

NAME cowmilk - milks a cow SYNOPSIS cowmilk [options] OPTIONS -m Specifies that the cow is male. This may be the only parameter, but do not underestimate its importance.
1. Re:The man page is simple by Pastis · 2005-10-22 21:43 · Score: 2, Funny
  
  You're being way too helpful and not enough flexible. I guess you run Mandriva right?.
  Here's perhaps a program that follows more the Linux philosophy. Here's my Debian version of the script. (similar to the Gentoo one)
  
  NAME
  cowmilk - milks a cow
  
  SYNOPSIS
  cowmilk [options]
  
  DESCRIPTION
  cowmilk retrieves milk from a cow.
  
  OPTIONS
  
  --min-milk value
  Specifies the minimum amount of milk in milligrams to retrieve from the animal.
  Value is taken as a numeric value that can be followed by a multiplier.
  See coreutils info Block Size node.
  
  --max-milk value
  Specifies the maximum amount of milk in milligrams to retrieve from the animal.
  Value is taken as a numeric value that can be followed by a multiplier.
  See coreutils info Block Size node.
  
  -t value | --timeout value
  Specifies the maximum amount of time in milliseconds before aborting the operation.
  Value is taken as a numeric value that can be followed by a multiplier.
  See coreutils info Block Size node.
  
  --daemon
  Performs the operation in the background.
  
  --auto-detect-gender
  auto detect gender. This operation takes several tens of ms and may randomly fail, so it's not on by default.
  
  -v --verbose
  Be more verbose when warning messages.
  
  --check-sane-options
  Check options sanity.
  When in effect the option will warn the user if the specified --min-milk and --max-milk values are out of the usual
  advised range for the gender. In that case it will display a message "unsane options".
  When used in combination with -v, a more descriptive message will be displayed.
  Note: as this only works when the gender auto-detection operation worked correctly, the milk operation is not
  
  --
  Sneak teach kids Algebra using a game
That question that's on everyone's mind by Anonymous Coward · 2005-10-22 20:05 · Score: 2, Funny

Why is it that a cow can figure out linux, yet many people can't?
Re:GF by Anonymous Coward · 2005-10-22 20:10 · Score: 1, Funny

Only if she's a cow...
Re:GF -- not likely by fmaxwell · 2005-10-22 20:22 · Score: 4, Funny

Can it milk my Girl friend!

No, but it could deflate her.
In Soviet Russia... by Crouty · 2005-10-22 20:23 · Score: 3, Funny

... uh no, forget about that.

--
On se Internetz nobody noes your German.
Too much information by mikeage · 2005-10-22 20:23 · Score: 3, Funny

Posted by Zonk on Sun Oct 23, '05 10:12 AM
from the i-don't-have-it-that-good dept.

Thanks for sharing.

--
-- Is "Sig" copyrighted by www.sig.com?
Yes, but.... by povman · 2005-10-22 20:32 · Score: 0, Funny

... can the cows milk TUX? mm penguin milk
Now... by Quixote · 2005-10-22 20:38 · Score: 2, Funny

if they make it opensource, will it be called OpenVMS?
(I'm sorry...)
you mistyped.... by conJunk · 2005-10-22 20:57 · Score: 4, Funny

whoops! i think you accidentally included the letter 'r' in the last word!
Re:Hard drive usage by Bazman · 2005-10-22 21:42 · Score: 4, Funny

The rest of the drive is full of the cow's favourite MP3 files.
Damn Slashdot... by totallygeek · 2005-10-23 03:44 · Score: 2, Funny

Finally posting something proving that Linux sucks!

--
Click here or here.
Re:Hard drive usage by Thavius · 2005-10-23 04:26 · Score: 2, Funny

You have to watch out for the one who has "Cows with Guns" on her playlist.