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When The Other Woman Is An Xbox
MTV's Game News service has a report on a an anti-gaming college club started by a group of disgruntled gamer SOs. From the article: "Jaci and Jake, who both attend Kansas State University, are a modern couple dealing with a modern issue. One of them is a gamer; the other is not. Theirs is not an unusual plight. For decades gamers and non-gamers in love have struggled to find harmony. At Kansas State the frustration is rampant. Like most college campuses, it is a place where the release of Halo 2 last year was the best of times and the worst of times. And while there is such a thing as couples in which both people are into games -- and while there are sometimes boyfriends who are the non-gamers -- the most frequent complaint involves game-crazy guys leaving their girlfriends out in the Xbox-free cold."
If it's not, the non-gaming SOs should just take it as a hint that they need to move on. It's not their responsibility to force their gaming SOs to pay attention to them. The potential problem I see is that it would taint their ability to tolerate a SO that has any hobby they dislike as the result of one person that didn't have self control.
a modern couple dealing with a modern issue. One of them is a gamer; the other is not.
Well this is one short-sighted article. Throughout time, there has always been a common issue at the heart of MANY failed relationships - the idea that one of them isn't getting enough attention from the other. As time goes by, ex-significant-others keep finding new things to blame the failure of their relationships on. (Because of course it can't be THEIR fault!) Halo 2 is just the latest scapegoat.
But let's be honest here - if she (or he) truly is more interesting than Halo 2, then Halo 2 will lose. Look, if they are more interested in playing games than spending time with you, take the hint and move on! And gamers, if your S.O. is constantly whining about your game time, then perhaps you should just dump 'em and find a partner more appropriate for your game-intensive lifestyle. After all, isn't that what dating is all about?!?
Must... think up... something... clever!
How can you go out with someone who has interests so different from your own? I'm into geeky things and I'm going to go out with a girl who likes the same sorts of things. I might be willing to have a physical relationship with plenty of girls, but I'm not going to have a serious emotional relationship with someone who wont play games or watch anime and such.
I see too many middle age geeky guys these days who want to do geeky stuff but their wives wont let them. I shit you not, some guy had to watch anime in secret because his wife would have thrown out the DVDs if she saw them.
What kind of relationship is that?
Sure, in some cases guys are just paying way too much attention to other stuff and not the girls. You can't do that, you've gotta give some time. But also remember, girls can't expect to be the only thing that gets attention from the guy. There are other things in his life besides you and there should be other things in your life besides him. Goes both ways.
In short. Everybody get a life and don't be with incompatible people.
The GeekNights podcast is going strong. Listen!
If your girlfriend is not more intresting to you then your game console, then chances are good that she is not "The One" anyway.
The best test of this is to try to interrupt the gamer by offering Sex. In most cases, offering to play with his joystick should get him to put down the other joystick. If they turn you down, then one of two things are happening.
1) Your hideous, deal with it.
2) They are screwed in the head.
Men have ditched or ignored their women for many reasons. I am sure that there are intstances of guys watching the latest hockey / football / basketball game and ignoring their women for the duration. The only difference with gaming is that gaming can be done at any time.
END COMMUNICATION
You do not have to spend every waking moment with the person you are dating. If they like to play Halo and you don't, go do something else.
"...always new atoms but always doing the same dance, remembering what the dance was yesterday." -Richard Feynman
"I truly loved her, but gaming affected that," What the hell kind of excuse is this. True love affects other things not the other way around. Sounds like he truly loves gaming and she was affecting that. Oh and by the way MTV blows.
Never Compromise
Do the (mostly) women in this group not ever exclude their SO from activities when they go off with their buddies? Shopping/spa days/gossip?
Maybe their boyfriend really needs to step back and re-evaluate his situation. He's not going to have a healthy relationship with anyone if he's got an 'addiction' to games.
Relationships are all about compromise, so maybe he should cut down on the games and spend more time with her, and maybe she should take a little time to play games with him and show a genuine interest in his hobby.
Just ditching each other over something like this, instead of working through it, is stupid.
C17H21NO4
Well, there are a lot of points here-
Women view men for thier potential, and would like to change them. This is actually fairly well known. When a couple meets, men want women to stay the same way forever. (Young, beautiful, spirited, funny, etc.) Women are looking for the man to be responsible, caring, considerate, etc. etc. When you see some girl with a disgusting guy who burps, farts, talks shit, and acts like an imbecile, she doesn't see a future with THAT guy. She sees a future with the guy that she can mold him into.
Also, women are not 'bat-shit insane.' They just see the world completely differently. They value completely different things than men. (This is all generalities of course) They value the emotional far less than the physical. And by emotional, I don't mean that they just want you to sit there and suffer while they talk about their feelings. (Which of course is a start...) They want you to UNDERSTAND what they are talking about. Which of course, you never will.
Even when I think I am beginning to understand my wife, I realize that I only have about 5% of the same emotional awareness she has. But then again, I can kick her ass at any video game. Of course she won't play them...but if she did...I would kick her ass.
Lastly, when you want your wife/girlfriend to think that you understand what is going on...follow Chris Rock's advice: everyone once in a while, throw in, "I KNEW you couldn't trust that bitch/ho/girl (depending on your social status)" Because there is a damn good chance they are complaining about some other woman somewhere.
Really...next time she goes on a tirade, try it. Just throw that in. "I never trusted her. What is her problem?" Man...you'll score some huge points, even if you have no idea who the hell she was talking about.
But I have to give my wife credit. Every month or so she'll spend about 20 minutes playing a game...which isn't too bad. And she has to listen to me talk about them, and is able to repeat back what I've said. Maybe she has her stock answers too, I don't know. But she does know the names of the games I play...and the types of games I play. (FPS, Driving, Sports) and she even knows what I DON'T play (WoW, RPGs, etc.) So yes, I'm impressed.
Last thing...
Don't forget your anniversary, her birthday, or any other times that SHE looks bad if you forget. Because remember guys...you might look like an ass for forgetting your anniversary...but to other women, she looks even worse. Because what you do, reflects on her.
No reason to lie.
For a semi-specific reply to the parent, couple of points:
- explaining emotional state to SO: Thumbs up for that one. NEEDS to happen. See below.
- understanding that SO will continue with hobby after relationship start: Another thumbs up. Some people are just dumb. What, do women think that a guy's life is Games XOR Relationship? As if many of them would ever agree that their lives should be Shopping XOR Relationship. But, granted, the article includes comments from girlfriends that are bad and not as bad: 'Grow up and give them up' (basically the Games XOR Relationship idea) and 'Spend some of your gaming time with me instead' respectively.
Personal example: I remember when my boyfriend first got Earth & Beyond. It was soon after our relationship began, and I wasn't a fan of it. Granted, there are some new-relationship-sillies involved in that("LET'S BE TOGETHER ALL THE TIME, HOORAAAAY!"). But I got over it, and when he got bored of the game, I got him back, as it were.
Then came City of Heroes. I didn't like it for the first few days of watching my bf play it. From what I saw of the gameplay, it sucked. But, I later realized, I was only seeing the first few levels, so the combat seemed slow because of lame recharge times on your character's powers...so it looked like he was choosing a CRAPPY and SLOW game over me. So I got upset. Long story short, now I'm into it. Recently we moved our computers in the same room shortly before we got our City of Villains Beta invites. Heh, communicating verbally when you team together in the same room is WAY easier than typing.
Anyways, I got over my aversion to City of Heroes because we had a talk about how the amount of time he spent playing upset me. In that, we figured some stuff out. Part of which is that I made a big assumption that was wrong: he was choosing the game over me (not to say that there aren't any guys out there who DO actively choose games over their girlfriends all the time...but I can't speak to that, luckily). The reality, he said, was that he was choosing the game over doing nothing. I was afraid to speak up and ask to do things with him because I assumed that all he wanted to do was play games all the time. Turns out that isn't the case; it was just a vicious cycle of: him playing --> me assuming he doesn't ever wanna hang out with me because he's playing --> me not saying we should do something because he obviously already has something to do --> him assuming I don't wanna do anything because I never said anything --> so he played the game. Luckily it wasn't long before that stupidness was all straightened out.
In short: something I have learned in our relationship is to just SAY SOMETHING. Don't mindfuck him with weird ultimatums, don't try and show how you're upset by saying you're "Fine, I'm JUST. FINE." (and ladies: Ever seen another girl try and do that? Personally, I've never seen it work), don't be evil. We're currently watching a friend have trouble with her relationship because she has a tendency to just silently stew about an issue instead of talking about it. Sometimes with little mindgames to try and 'prove her point' (that he misses / doesn't take the 'bait' for). And her boyfriend thinks that things are great because he's not much of a talker himself. I stopped stewing when this City of Heroes problem happened, and any problems that come up have always been solved more easily since through good ol' fashioned straight-up communication.
I'd wager that Halo 2 is not the source of your fights, but that you probably spend so much time with Halo 2 that it is the source of your fighting. Of all the people I've known that had problems with girls and games (a few), the issue was never the game, it was the amount of time spent gaming.
For he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother.
Nah, you don't have to *enjoy* what your partner enjoys, just accept it. My wife plays online games. I don't. I read comics. She doesn't. But there are plenty of other things that we both enjoy, so its no big deal.
You've got to have time together, and you've got to have some time to yourself.