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Forbes Fictional 15

DevanJedi writes "Forbes has created a list of 15 wealthy fictional characters with hilarious biographies describing the sources of their riches. Lex Luthor, C. Montgomery Burns and Bruce Wayne figure in the list, among others. J.R. Ewing was dropped from the list this year after 'Ewing Oil filed for bankruptcy in the wake of massive accounting scandal.'"

19 of 181 comments (clear)

  1. hilarious biographies by Eightyford · · Score: 4, Funny

    hilarious biographies

    That's a bit of an exaggeration.

    1. Re:hilarious biographies by legirons · · Score: 2, Funny

      Problem: all the journalists are still drunk after the christmas party, and an edition needs to be written.

      Solution: a list of 15 wealthy fictional characters with hilarious biographies

  2. History of Santa Claus by PlayfullyClever · · Score: 5, Funny

    History of Santa Claus

    1689--Spanish-German explorer Santa Claus discovers the North Pole, and establishes a small base camp.

    1691--Because of harsh and meager living conditions, Claus' crew abandons him.

    1692--Claus is rescued by the Viking ship Hvorfor. He returns to Europe, bringing some items along with him from the North Pole. He finds he is able to sell them quite easily, making a small profit.

    1703--Claus saves up enough money to buy a small ship and crew, and returns to the North Pole. Upon arriving, he finds his base camp, half-buried but still intact.

    1704--Claus returns to Europe with a shipload of North Pole artifacts, and is successful in selling them. He makes enough profit to increase his crew, and buys building materials to expand his polar base.

    1705--Claus returns again to the North Pole, and builds quarters for him and his crew, and sets up the Polar Exports Company.

    1716--After six shiploads of exports, the European market is flooded with polar artifacts, as well as the phony ones making charlatans rich. Seeing this decline, Claus decides to invest his money by starting a toy company in his native Germany.

    1720--Claus Toys becomes the largest toy company in Germany, but only because of Claus' underhanded business dealings. (It was also rumored that Claus was dealing with enemy countries as well). Competitors urged government officials to begin an investigation.

    1721--Enough evidence is found, and charges are drawn up against the Claus Toys Company. Claus himself refuses to release his records.

    1722--The German Supreme Court finds Claus guilty of tax evasion and of treason. When news of this breaks, Claus' employees all turn against him and his company.

    1723--Claus is exiled to Sicily, and shortly before leaving, he absconds with all of the company's funds.

    1724--A search party is sent to the Mediterranean to recover the funds, however, Claus hears of this ahead of time, and he and his Sicilian wife flee for their lives. (Some say he went into Northern Africa, but it is generally assumed that this was only a ruse to lure the searchers off course. He is believed to have returned to his North Pole base).

    1725--Claus II is born en route to the North Pole.

    1725-1734--The Claus' lay low at the North Pole. Claus teaches his son the arts of toy making and business dealings.

    1735--Rumor has it that Claus has hired Scandinavian builders to construct a castle for him at the North Pole, making use of almost half of the company funds.

    1739--The castle is finished, and is one of the largest in the world. Claus II reaches his fifteenth birthday, and in the same year, Claus' wife dies, accidentally falling from a balcony in one of the castle's great halls.

    1740--Claus, mourning his wife, becomes increasingly ill.

    1745--Santa Claus II becomes of age, and begins taking care of the castle and of his sick father.

    1747--Using the remaining company funds, Claus II builds a small city around the castle to attract workers and craftsmen.

    1748--Word of the North Pole settlement reaches Europe. The Elves of Eastern Europe, quickly becoming political outcasts and striving for a better life, begin immigrating in waves to the North Pole.

    1753--All the elves have left Eastern Europe and have become firmly established at the North Pole. Claus II begins his father's toy company once again, with an estimated 30,000 elves employed. Claus I dies, at age 89.

    1755--The North Pole officially becomes a nation, and Claus II and his wife take the throne. The toy business continues to flourish, and the elves enjoy prosperity. Claus III is born.

    1757--The great stables are built, and scientists are secretly hired by Claus II to begin an ambitious project--that of breeding and training reindeer to fly.

    1773--The flying reindeer are achieved and become Claus II and III's major form of transportation.

    1774--A mutant reindeer, named Rudolf, is born whose nose emits light. He b

    --
    Check out my website: Playfully Clever
  3. Lara Croft by Viriatus · · Score: 5, Funny

    Lara Croft is rich? I didn't know that. i never paid attention to the story, only to her breasts.

    1. Re:Lara Croft by jacksonj04 · · Score: 3, Funny

      Apparently very much so. You didn't realise she brings a full wardrobe and makeup team to every one of her expolits?

      Come on, did you ever see her dirty? And get your mind out of that gutter right now!

      --
      How many people can read hex if only you and dead people can read hex?
    2. Re:Lara Croft by Lord+Apathy · · Score: 5, Funny

      She has to be. You aren't born with tits like that.

      --

      Supporting World Peace Through Nuclear Pacification

    3. Re:Lara Croft by Dirtside · · Score: 3, Funny
      You aren't born with tits like that.
      I don't think anyone is really born with tits at all...
      --
      "Destroy science and religion. Science would re-emerge exactly the same; but not religion." - Penn Jillette, paraphrased
  4. I'm Happy by KrisCowboy · · Score: 2, Funny

    Good to see both the "Scrooge"s on the list. Looks like Uncle Scrooge is still making some good money after all these years.

    1. Re:I'm Happy by Stephan+Schulz · · Score: 2, Funny
      Yes...cubic acres...chew on that one a while ;)
      Trivial. He is so rich, his wealth warps the very fabric of space-time. So we get an eight-dimensional fortune....

      I agree that this report makes him far to poor. Given that he has funded his own space program, and built a sky-scraper-sized platinum statue during a contest (out of his small change....), 8 billion is a sad joke.

      Of course, the question is what we consider canon. As far as I'm concerned, only Carl Barks counts.

      --

      Stephan

    2. Re:I'm Happy by theonetruekeebler · · Score: 3, Funny
      $8.85 trillion:
      • 100*100*100 cubic feet is 28,316.8 cubic meters.
      • A cubic meter of gold weighs 19.32 metric tons (!).
      • 31.1 grams in a Troy ounce.
      • Gold closed at $503.15 on Friday.

      Google Calculator gave more precise numbers. A one cent fluctuation in the price of gold changes his net worth by $176 million.

      Went to lunch with him last week. Fucker wanted to split the check.

      --
      This is not my sandwich.
  5. Santa Claus by ndogg · · Score: 2, Funny

    His elves are on strike. Mr. Claus responded by saying, "I assure you that this year's quota will be reached." He would not respond to questions as to how this will be done.

    (Since I'm fairly certain that my friend will kill me if he found out I /.ed his server, some mirrors: Coral Cache.)

    --
    // file: mice.h
    #include "frickin_lasers.h"
  6. According to Scrooge McDuck's "biography"... by Chaffar · · Score: 5, Funny
    Dewey spotted canoodling with Parrot Hilton.

    Anybody knows where I can download the tape ?

  7. Strange that Bill Gates didn't make it. by smartin · · Score: 4, Funny

    I have it on good authority that he does not in fact exist. As as evil corporation Microsoft decided early on that having a whiny nerd as a leader would help make them seem harmless. The guy that plays Bill Gates is actually a Second City alumn from Toronto.

    --
    The difference between Canada and the USA is that in Canada healthcare is a right and gun ownership is a privilege.
  8. Forbes printing fiction. Nothing new here. by CFD339 · · Score: 2, Funny

    Hell, everything they write about technology seems to me to be entirely agenda driven and certainly manageds to avoid inconvenient facts. They've declared Notes dead a half dozen times in teh last 15 years for a variety of reasons. They've come out against blogs, then blogged. Dan Lyons is a great example of this. Search google on Dan Lyons and Domino and see what people are saying (or click here hostit1.connectria.com/twduff/home.nsf/plinks/TDUF -6CC4UD for a rundown).

    I won't even link to a Forbes article any more.

    --
    The problem with quotes on the internet, is that nobody bothers to check their veracity. -- Abraham Lincoln
  9. Re:Gordon Gecko by Oopsz · · Score: 2, Funny

    He saved a bunch of money on his car insurance...

  10. Re:Trillion dollar bill? by whiteranger99x · · Score: 2, Funny

    He got jacked when he escaped the country with Homer and Smithers, remember? :P

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    Join the TWIT army now!
  11. 10 poorest .... add some more by dreadlocks · · Score: 5, Funny

    1. Peter Parker - makes ends meet by selling pix. He's a friggin genius, so he sells pictures!?!? WTF

    2. apparently every other criminal other than Lex. Because they have no $$, they're constantly robbing banks etc.

    3. The simpsons. Same old POS car for what, 12+ years now?

    4. Fry from Futurama - nuff said there.

    5. Wolverine - Sponging off old Professor X. Wolvie is older than the old prof, but evidently never invested his earnings from the old days. I guess even if he did, he can't remember where he put the investments. He should have a decent Canadian pension though.

    6. Robin - suck up some of ol' Bruce's wealth wouldja?

    7. Any of Jed Clampet's neighbors. Moonshine doesn't make that much $$

    8. Harry Potter - maybe his parent's left him a trust fund for when he turns 18? Until then ....

    9. Drizzt Do'Urden - yea another guy who could be rich as hell, but decides to go the goody two shoes route. His Dwarf King buddy finances his exploits. (Salvatore novels)

    10. Jimmy the Hand (as a kid) - (Feist novels) - yea, he was poor as hell, but he took advantage of a a good thing (Arutha) and eventually turned his fortune around. He was poor as hell for awhile though.

  12. Re:Scrooge McDuck is debatable by siriuskase · · Score: 2, Funny

    " If this list is for the still living..."

    It's not, fictional characters were never ever alive to begin with.

    --
    If you must moderate, please moderate as irrelevent, not something bad, because I'm sure someone will find this interest
  13. Complete and Utter Crap by kakos · · Score: 2, Funny

    Everyone knows that Batman's super power is that he's richer than God. I believe that puts Bruce Wayne firmly in the #1 position.