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USPTO Unable to Find Top Ten Patent Holders

Posted by samzenpus on from the powdered-water dept.

lelitsch writes "So a journalist tries to interview the top ten patent holders in the US. As he finds out, neither the USPTO, nor the patent processing companies are able to identify them. Even more surprisingly, "America's greatest inventor is apparently an obscure guy in Japan who makes stuff most people can't comprehend. And the nation's greatest native inventor seems to be a man who has come up with 100 different ways to make a flower pot.""

25 of 321 comments (clear)

  1. Yes by comm3c · · Score: 5, Funny

    Bureocracy can't find stuff? Whats new.

    FP!

    1. Re:Yes by free+space · · Score: 5, Funny

      someone should invent a way to find those top ten ( and then patent it!)

    2. Re:Yes by frdmfghtr · · Score: 4, Funny

      I wonder if they tried Googling for them yet :)

      --
      Government's idea of a balanced budget: take money from the right pocket to balance...oh who am I kidding?
    3. Re:Yes by lgftsa · · Score: 4, Funny

      In this case I think it's a good thing. Of the three people he specifically mentions, he insults and belittles two of them. Whoever the top ten are, they must be pretty relieved right about now.

    4. Re:Yes by penguinoid · · Score: 2, Funny

      But at least they can still ensure that patents aren't in conflict with each other, or with prior art.

      --
      Don't waste your vote! Vote for whoever you want, unless you live in a swing state it won't matter anyways
    5. Re:Yes by Acts+of+Attrition · · Score: 4, Funny

      "100 different ways to make a flower pot." Why must that be belittled? I know tons of people people who'd love to know how to turn flowers into pot.

  2. Local zoo... by __aaclcg7560 · · Score: 4, Funny

    If the monkey house at the local zoo can produce Shakespearian writers, imagine what they can do for patent applications! I'm sure they will have different ideas about getting the peanut out of the shell -- or designing flower pots.

    1. Re:Local zoo... by Quiet_Desperation · · Score: 2, Funny
      If the monkey house at the local zoo can produce Shakespearian writers

      (blank stare)

      Your local zoo has an infinite number of monkeys?

      Can I see?

    2. Re:Local zoo... by Yahweh+Doesn't+Exist · · Score: 4, Funny

      you only need an infinite number to guarantee you recreate the works of Shakespear. in reality, so long as you're willing to wait longer, you can get away with a finite number of monkeys (a single monkey working for an infinite amount of time works too).

      generally, you can recreate Hamlet in about 3 months with a team of 10 monkeys working 8 hours a day.

    3. Re:Local zoo... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0, Funny

      Does that mean i can end up with one of the works by Ann Coulter in about 2 weeks?

    4. Re:Local zoo... by ozmanjusri · · Score: 3, Funny

      Can I see?

      Yup.

      http://www.whitehouse.gov/

      --
      "I've got more toys than Teruhisa Kitahara."
    5. Re:Local zoo... by raoul666 · · Score: 5, Funny

      Easy. You have an infinite number of monkeys reading it.

      --
      When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl
  3. RIM by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    I'm kind of surprised that RIM isn't in the top ten...

  4. but...but..... by free+space · · Score: 2, Funny

    they can query their records to find a patented way to solve the problem....oh wait

  5. Re:Some Database by HunterZ · · Score: 4, Funny

    If they can't do a quick query to see who owns the most patents, is it so very odd that they can't do a simple search and find prior art for the patents they grant today?

    Well, you see, I patented both of those ideas already and am refusing to let the patent office use them ;)

    --
    Arguing about vi versus Emacs is like arguing whether it's better to make fire by rubbing sticks or banging rocks.
  6. "A database operator's nightmare" by I+Like+Pudding · · Score: 5, Funny
    Here, let me jump on this mighty grenade for the PTO:
    select user_id, num_patents from (
      select
        u.id user_id, count(p.id) num_patents
      from
        patents p, users u
      where
        u.id = p.user_id
        and p.status in ('APPROVED', 'ACTIVE', 'QUITE SILLY')
      group by
        u.id
      order by
        num_patents desc
    ) where rowcount < 11
    To whom do I send my bill?
    1. Re:"A database operator's nightmare" by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      I have that algorithm patented. Expect a call from my lawyers.

  7. PATENT APPLICATION #1588003 by dirtsurfer · · Score: 5, Funny

    Summary: A system for calculating the top 10 US patent holders.

  8. What about SCO? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0, Funny

    Man, is Ravi Arimilli ever going to be in for a nasty surprise when SCO sues him over their patent for a "Layered local cache with lower level cache optimizing allocation mechanism."

  9. USPTO Does Bathos by Quirk · · Score: 3, Funny

    bathos: bathos - a change from a serious subject to a disappointing one

    It's great to see slapstick humour is thriving in the U.S.

    In highschool myself and a few friends made a habit of getting together to watch comedic silent films. The films were available from libraries and the venerable National Film Board of Canada.

    Generally our favourites were Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton.

    While I fear and loath (in the best intentioned way of the late H.S. Thomson) the policies of America as applied to IP, the USPTO has taken to mimicing Chaplin's indifferent giant machine crunching the common person in the truest, sadly comedic, bathotic fashion. Unfortunately I'm afraid act two has been foredone by Kafka.

    --
    "Academicians are more likely to share each other's toothbrush than each other's nomenclature."
    Cohen
  10. "an obscure guy in Japan who makes stuff..." by Riktov · · Score: 4, Funny

    "...most people can't comprehend."

    You mean this stuff?

  11. Re:The (sort of) correct list. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Whee, the old guy from Futurama is #6!

  12. Re:hmmm by 6e7a · · Score: 2, Funny
    As I recall, Microsoft has never been near the top on a per-year basis, so they have no chance of being at the top overall. I would be surprised if they ever broke the top-20 patenters on a per-year basis, let alone be even in the top-50 cumulative.
    Wouldn't Microsoft have to be innovative to be near the top?
  13. Re:My New Patent by mk_is_here · · Score: 2, Funny

    OK, I'll patent this instead... your one has flaws ;)
    SELECT name, address, count(*) FROM patents HAVING count(*) > 1000 GROUP BY name, address;

  14. Re:hmmm by syukton · · Score: 2, Funny

    You know what helps when you file a patent even if it isn't innovative? Having a patent lawyer.

    What does Microsoft have a lot of? ...can you guess?

    --
    Reinvent the wheel only at either a lower cost, greater effectiveness, or your own personal enrichment and satisfaction.