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USPTO Unable to Find Top Ten Patent Holders

Posted by samzenpus on from the powdered-water dept.

lelitsch writes "So a journalist tries to interview the top ten patent holders in the US. As he finds out, neither the USPTO, nor the patent processing companies are able to identify them. Even more surprisingly, "America's greatest inventor is apparently an obscure guy in Japan who makes stuff most people can't comprehend. And the nation's greatest native inventor seems to be a man who has come up with 100 different ways to make a flower pot.""

12 of 321 comments (clear)

  1. Yes by comm3c · · Score: 5, Funny

    Bureocracy can't find stuff? Whats new.

    FP!

    1. Re:Yes by free+space · · Score: 5, Funny

      someone should invent a way to find those top ten ( and then patent it!)

    2. Re:Yes by frdmfghtr · · Score: 4, Funny

      I wonder if they tried Googling for them yet :)

      --
      Government's idea of a balanced budget: take money from the right pocket to balance...oh who am I kidding?
    3. Re:Yes by lgftsa · · Score: 4, Funny

      In this case I think it's a good thing. Of the three people he specifically mentions, he insults and belittles two of them. Whoever the top ten are, they must be pretty relieved right about now.

    4. Re:Yes by Acts+of+Attrition · · Score: 4, Funny

      "100 different ways to make a flower pot." Why must that be belittled? I know tons of people people who'd love to know how to turn flowers into pot.

  2. Local zoo... by __aaclcg7560 · · Score: 4, Funny

    If the monkey house at the local zoo can produce Shakespearian writers, imagine what they can do for patent applications! I'm sure they will have different ideas about getting the peanut out of the shell -- or designing flower pots.

    1. Re:Local zoo... by Yahweh+Doesn't+Exist · · Score: 4, Funny

      you only need an infinite number to guarantee you recreate the works of Shakespear. in reality, so long as you're willing to wait longer, you can get away with a finite number of monkeys (a single monkey working for an infinite amount of time works too).

      generally, you can recreate Hamlet in about 3 months with a team of 10 monkeys working 8 hours a day.

    2. Re:Local zoo... by raoul666 · · Score: 5, Funny

      Easy. You have an infinite number of monkeys reading it.

      --
      When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl
  3. Re:Some Database by HunterZ · · Score: 4, Funny

    If they can't do a quick query to see who owns the most patents, is it so very odd that they can't do a simple search and find prior art for the patents they grant today?

    Well, you see, I patented both of those ideas already and am refusing to let the patent office use them ;)

    --
    Arguing about vi versus Emacs is like arguing whether it's better to make fire by rubbing sticks or banging rocks.
  4. "A database operator's nightmare" by I+Like+Pudding · · Score: 5, Funny
    Here, let me jump on this mighty grenade for the PTO:
    select user_id, num_patents from (
      select
        u.id user_id, count(p.id) num_patents
      from
        patents p, users u
      where
        u.id = p.user_id
        and p.status in ('APPROVED', 'ACTIVE', 'QUITE SILLY')
      group by
        u.id
      order by
        num_patents desc
    ) where rowcount < 11
    To whom do I send my bill?
  5. PATENT APPLICATION #1588003 by dirtsurfer · · Score: 5, Funny

    Summary: A system for calculating the top 10 US patent holders.

  6. "an obscure guy in Japan who makes stuff..." by Riktov · · Score: 4, Funny

    "...most people can't comprehend."

    You mean this stuff?