Software Developer Beats Pirate in Boxing Ring

utki writes "The Moscow Times is reporting that the chief software architect at Russian software developer Cognitive Technologies, Andrei Smirnov, recently won a boxing match organized between himself and a software pirate he caught selling bootlegged software CD's at a Moscow market. At last, a practical and entertaining model for dealing with software piracy (MPAA and RIAA take note), and perhaps a useful way to channel Steve Ballmer's aggression too."

Comments

remember kids:

[Surt]

Words are not the answer, fists will better solve your problems.

Re:remember kids:

[Red Flayer]

If he was a real pirate, he would have brought a cutlass. His own fault that he lost, really.

/Yarrrr.

Re:remember kids:

[Xzzy]

We all just need more love, that is the answer. =)

The females I try to talk to when doing my laundary at the local coin-op apparently never got that memo.

Re:remember kids:

[gb506]

Now that's a stretch...

Re:remember kids:

[c6gunner]

Yeah, man, like, everyone know that the pigs are just there to opress us...

Hey I'll trade you my Che Guevera shirt for some of that shiny tinfoil....

Re:remember kids:

[chris_eineke]

My god, that sounds like a good piece of good comedy right there.

A horde of thugs storms into a police building, wearing hoodies, lots of bling, and Mercedes-Benz pendants...

Thug 1: Officer! Of-fic-cer!

Clerk looks up, eyes the gang

Clerk: Yes, what can I do for you?

Thug 1: We need to pop a cap in each other's asses, yo.

Clerk: Ah, yes. I see. Okay, everyone needs to fill out form Gee Emm One Three Dash Twenty-Three and sign this weaver.

Thug 2: I ain't signin' no beaver!

Clerk: No beavers here, son.

Thug 2: I ain't seein' no women here!

Clerk gets annoyed.

Clerk: Son, if you want to fuck with me, you need to fill out form Gee Tee Eff Out Pronto. Now take this pen, sign here, here, here, and here. You guys can then pass through here and go into our backyard. Enjoy your battle and don't try to kill to many people.

The thugs start walking

Clerk: Oh, I forgot to tell you that'll cost you 100 bucks for each of you.

Thugs turn around

Clerk: Sorry, it's an administrative fee.

Thugs turn to themselves, huddle together, then suddenly one of them throws a bundle of money at the clerk.

Clerk: Thanks.

Brought to you by your Libertarian Party. ;-)

Re:remember kids:

[Thomas Shaddack]

But also teach them there are other ways.

For example, doing homeworks for somebody stronger, who will be your rent-a-fist.

Pay attention Fox Channel....

[smoor]

Man, I can already see the reality show... It will be like People's Court with a twist. Wapner can be the ref... "The Ring of Justice"

Re:Pay attention Fox Channel....

[Anonymous Coward]

Yeah, we could call it the Jerry Springer Show.

Finally!

[matt328]

I wouldn't mind being challenged to go a few rounds with the artists/movie producers whose works I've pirated. Depending on the artist, I could probably go 10 rounds on hate alone.

Re:Finally!

[iamlucky13]

Ok, since we're talking software pirates here, not real pirates (otherwise the outcome would be obvious) who wins in an average matchup?

Software pirate - Probably very pale and skinny due to skipping meals and time outside in order hack or organize pirated playlists. Resulting low vitamin intake can affect durability. Small target. Hyped up on caffeine. +5 to defense, +7 to speed, -10 to HP, -4 to strength. Levels up 20% faster due to time spent playing Fight Night on modded Xbox.

Software designer - Tends to be larger due to snacking on the job. Caffeine adds no bonus (addicted). Large mass can offer several advantages. -4 to defense, -10 to speed, +10 to HP, +6 to strength. Can invoke Putrid Socks of Nonwashing.

What's next?

[tizzyD]

Do I get to open up a can of Whoop Ass on Ballmer for making me buy PCs with Windows? He's robbing from me!

Come to think of it, after seeing "Dance Monkey Boy," I see that his kung fu is quite strong. I doubt though that he could defend against my Iron Developer Technique!

Ballmer?

[DrMrLordX]

I thought he screamed, postured, and threw his own feces when threatened. Boxing doesn't seem to be his thing.

Re:Ballmer?

[DigiShaman]

No, but he does throw chairs very well! Sounds like WWF wrestling would better suited for him.

Re:Oh, lordy

[KBAegis]

Damn, you beat me to the punch.

I can see it now...

[kitejumping]

Pirates friend: It's suicide! You've seen him, you know how strong he is. You can't win!
Smirnov: You will lose.
Software Dev's friend: Whatever he hits, he destroys.
Smirnov: I must break you.
Smirnov: If he dies, he dies.

Ballmer entering to f****** kill someone

[Bromskloss]

and perhaps a useful way to channel Steve Ballmer's aggression too

Oh no, no chairs allowed in here, sir!

Hmmm...

[WedgeTalon]

In Soviet Russia, software developer beats YOU!

The FSM is not pleased

[slaker]

Woe be to software developers who persecute The Chosen of the Flying Spaghetti Monster! I foresee noodly vengence! When the seas turn red from Marinara and the pirates run rampant through the streets of Moscow, all will know the power and glory of Pastafarianism!

RAmen

read your eulas

[stinky wizzleteats]

I can't wait to see a "kick your ass" provision in a shrinkwrap license.

Re:OT: Sig

[pNutz]

Ah, the launch codes. Thank you Dmitri. Payment is in the usual location.

Sports Section Headlines

[cpt_rhetoric]

"Mike Tyson, VP of Software Sales for XXXX, sucessfully defends World Patent Championship belt"

In other news, "Don King promotes new Dice.com job search section aimed at boxing elite"

I like my odds...

[dominator]

against 85 year old ex-MPAA mogul Jack Valenti ;)

*ducks*

Re:Oh, lordy

[LordEd]

I suppose this is another form of DRM (with a few digital lefts for good measure).

Another SR Joke

[WaR.KiN]

In Soviet Russia, software cracks YOU!

That was a cool story, but

[OldManAndTheC]

... it would have been even better if it had been Steve Ballmer walking down the street and seeing a copy of Microsoft Office for sale, and getting into a fight with the pirate - but the pirate was actually Hulk Hogan, and they were stopped by the police, and Hulk was all like "You want some more, punk!?", and Ballmer was all like "Bring it on, bitch! I'll fucking kill you!", and they got in a cage wrestling match and Ballmer threw a chair at him.

Now THAT would be cool ...

Re:That was a cool story, but

[greg1104]

As improbable as it sounds, your story still has a better plot than the last thing I saw Hulk Hogan in.

Soviet Russia

[koick]

In Soviet Russia, geeks beat you!

That takes me back to WWF days

[Trogre]

The chair!!! Give him the CHAIR!!!