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The Comedy of Scott McNealy
Rob writes "News that Sun co-founder and long-serving CEO, Scott McNealy is stepping aside, heaps a
load of pressure on incoming CEO Jonathan Schwartz - he will have to get working on his
anti-Microsoft gags quick-sharp. Aside from Sun's strategy and his execution of it,
McNealy's tenure as CEO will be remembered for his constant Microsoft sniping. CBR
remembers some of his favourite quotes."
Great article! Definitely a digg!
A selection of the best Scott McNealy quotes: "When Steve Ballmer calls me wacko, I consider that a compliment." "The only thing that I'd rather own than Windows is English, because then I could charge you two hundred and forty-nine dollars for the right to speak it." "Shut down some of the bullshit the government is spending money on and use it to buy all the Microsoft stock. Then put all their intellectual property in the public domain. Free Windows for everyone! Then we could just bronze Gates, turn him into a statue and stick him in front of the Commerce Department." "Microsoft is now talking about the digital nervous system... I guess I would be nervous if my system was built on their technology too." "It's the good guys versus the bad guys, and the good guys are winning." "W2K (Windows 2000) will be a bigger disaster than Y2K." "A giant hairball." [About Windows NT] "The Evil Empire." [guess who] "The beast from Redmond." [yup] "Anyone heard any good monopolist jokes lately?" "Ballmer and Butthead" [Ballmer and you-know-who] ".Not, .Not Yet and .Nut" [Microsoft's .Net strategy]
Java
"Why did they cancel my favorite Sci-Fi show? I downloaded ALL the episodes!"
Sun that is ... there someone had to say it, sorry
Scott McNealy is a White Dwarf.
--Why did you say that?
Because he was totally burnt out at SUN.
--You cannot B-Sirius!
He who knows best knows how little he knows. - Thomas Jefferson
Honestly, I think I'm putting way too much thought into this, but... assuming you did own English, think about marketing it like software!
You could have upgrades for every new generation of people... "Get all the new slang you hear from the young'uns! Only $149.95 with proof of purchase of a previous English Language Pack(tm)! (Upgrading from Olde English does not qualify)"
Or you might have it based on a subscription model. "$49.99 per year entitles you to unlimited upgrades, so you can learn the new technobabble as soon as it leaves Silicon Valley!"
Competitive upgrades! "Migrate from your existing language for the special promotional offer of $169.99! Act now and you'll receive the free Rhymes plug-in!"
Of course it would come in a suite: Comprehension, Speech and Writing as separate (but interoperable) modules. (If MS owned it, each module would come in 7 different 'flavors', which incorporated a highly complex mix of regional dialects and education levels. I fear the Corporate version, to be honest.)
Heh. English On-Demand. Now there's a possibility.
McNealy's funniest quote is probably the following one from a 1996 Red Herring article. His letter to the editor is even funnier.
NORTHWEST PASSAGE: Microsoft's plans to navigate the Java waters. August 1, 1996
"Microsoft is on the offensive again because its hegemony is threatened by Java's potential to obsolete Windows and Microsoft Office. This is not only financially threatening, but seen as a personal insult. Sun CEO Scott McNealy ceaselessly goads developers to adopt Java and overthrow what he bluntly calls Redmond's mediocre standards of quality--'Windows 95 is just dogshit with whipped cream on top.'"
LETTER TO THE EDITOR. December 1, 1996
McNealy euphemizes
I enjoyed Jonathan Burke's article "Northwest Passage." Mr. Burke did a fine job of laying out the reasons that software developers are pushing for a multiplatform Internet and how this poses a threat to Microsoft.
However, I was shocked, puzzled, and offended when I came to a passage in the story that seriously misquoted me referring to Windows 95 as "[expletive] with whipped cream on top." As chairman and CEO of Sun Microsystems, a $7 billion publicly held company, I am very aware that my shareholders and the public take a dim view of crude, unprofessional language from executives. I make it a rule never to curse in public. I don't do it. I would never do it. I didn't do it with Mr. Burke or anyone else. In fact, in a carefully worded and deliberately inoffensive manner, I called Win 95 "whipped cream on a road apple."
Scott G. McNealy
President and CEO
Sun Microsystems
The Herring Responds
Ah, "a road apple"--that's much more genteel.
While working as an intern at Sun, heard this one from the man, regarding the merger between HP and Compaq:
"It's a slow motion collision between two garbage trucks."
And regarding HP's decision to pull out of some market or other (can't quite remember which one, sadly):
"All that's left is us, Big Blue, and the Convicts".
just an analog boy living in a digital age.