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Army Sent to Fight Millions of Invading Toxic Toads
Reporter writes "The Australian state government called for the army to be deployed against the invasion of toxic toads! Battalions of imported cane toads are marching relentlessly across northern Australia and the West Australian government wants soldiers to intercept the environmental barbarians. From the article: "The toads, Bufo Marinus, were introduced from South America into northeast Queensland state in the 1930s to control another pest: Beetles that were ravaging the sugar cane fields of the tropical northern coasts. But the toads now number in the millions and are spreading westward through the Northern Territory, upsetting the country's ecosystem in their wake. Cane toads have poisonous sacs on the back of their heads full of a venom so powerful it can kill crocodiles, snakes or other predators in minutes." More information about cane toads at Wikipedia."
I'm not not licking this toad.
It may look like I'm doing nothing, but I'm actively waiting for my problems to go away.
--Scott Adams
Fortunately, there's an easy solution to this problem. It turns out that these toads can be made sterile if they eat enough kudzu, which they find to be extremely tasty. Just plant enough kudzu and this problem goes away completely.
There are 0x40000000 types of people: those who understand 32-bit IEEE 754 floating point, and those who don't.
So evolved toxic toads are invading Darwin? You just can't make this sort of material up! I await posts of craven submission from Slashdotters willing to co-operate with the toxic toads.
"that talk about using traps but what do you do with the toads after you trap them"
mmmmm... Lunch.
-Rick
"Most people in the U.S. wouldn't know they live in a tyrannical state if it walked up and grabbed their junk." - MyFirs
You'd assume they learned their lesson from importing the rabbits.
New species + no predators = I, for one, welcome our new poisonous toad overlords!
We'll lick these toxic toads one way or another.
Karma: Excellent Birds (mostly as a result of listening to Laurie Anderson)
KENT
Our top story, the population of parasitic tree lizards has exploded, and local citizens couldn't be happier! It seems the rapacious reptiles have developed a taste for the common pigeon, also known as the 'feathered rat', or the 'gutter bird'. For the first time, citizens need not fear harassment by flocks of chattering disease-bags.
Later, Bart receives an award from Mayor Quimby outside the town hall. Several lizards slink past.
QUIMBY
For decimating our pigeon population, and making Springfield a less oppressive place to while away our worthless lives, I present you with this scented candle.
Skinner talks to Lisa.
SKINNER
Well, I was wrong. The lizards are a godsend.
LISA
But isn't that a bit short-sighted? What happens when we're overrun by lizards?
SKINNER
No problem. We simply unleash wave after wave of Chinese needle snakes. They'll wipe out the lizards.
LISA
But aren't the snakes even worse?
SKINNER
Yes, but we're prepared for that. We've lined up a fabulous type of gorilla that thrives on snake meat.
LISA
But then we're stuck with gorillas!
SKINNER
No, that's the beautiful part. When wintertime rolls around, the gorillas simply freeze to death.
Supplies!
Good day, gentlemen. As you are no doubt aware, I have recently perfected my race of genetically enhanced killer cane toads. My invincible batrachian army is currently rampaging across the continent of Australia, laying waste to all in their path. There is currently talk of deploying the Australian army to attempt to stem the tide of conquest...I'll tell you now that you needn't bother...the toads are quite unstoppable, and they only obey my commands.
You see, gentlemen, things will only get worse...even now, cargo containers filled with thousands of my warty warriors are quietly being delivered to major cities in every country in the world. At my signal, these containers will be opened via remote control, releasing the toads to wreak havok upon your fragile environments. As the toads spread relentlessly, they will destroy entire ecosystems, severely compromising the food supply of the planet. As the global famine ensues, no place on the planet will be safe. You will fall upon one another like wolves...civilization as you know it will cease to exist...that is...unless you pay me...
One hundred billion kajillion fafillion dollaaars!!!
Gentlemen, you have my demands...peace out.
____
~ |rip/\/\aster /\/\onkey
france is invading australia?
I can only imagine as soldiers fire their atuomatic weapons wildely, all the time screaming "Pull Back, Pull Back, there's too many of them, Mate!"
After this, they're just going to have to find some *bigger* predator to take out the Army. It's a neverending cycle.
I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
about time, those French are bloody annoying!
"" How about taking the safety labels off everything, and let the stupidity-problem solve itself? """
Let the world be glad that these are only toxic toads and not Battletoads. Of course if there was a world-wide rat infestation we would probably be very thankful for their help in eradicating the rodents.
Make the toads lick each other.
I think it is safe to say that whenever in doubt, a government should simply send in the troops to make it seem like something is being done, even if they mostly just sit around watching the toads hop by. At least the people will feel safer anyway. Plus the government officials can now say they are doing something, instead of staring at the cameras with a blank look on their faces. I wonder who will get the government contract to sell the army their $290/each whacking sticks?
I Am My Own Worst Enemy
Slashdot: Blah Blah Blah Toads invading Australia
Dougie: Simpsons Did It!
Episode 6x16: Bart vs. Australia.
Diversity is strength. Australia is an inbred backwater of an ecosystem that needs to be enriched so it looks like the world. Predators who are foolish enough to eat poisonous frogs from more evolutionarily advanced ecosystems are doomed and we should celebrate their demise as the relentless march of evolution progresses ever onward to a glorious day when that heavenly brown-green-grey goo eats everything.
Seastead this.
Australia deploys troops for Amphibious Warfare
I suggest we call on our French allies...
This just in: The French have announced their unconditional surrender to the cane frogs.
...but ultimately my money is on the toads.
Doesn't it make you feel good to know that our freedoms are protected by politicans, lawyers and journalists.
humane execution of adult cane toads
You mean like this? -> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Potato_gun
Havoc Video
They kill their frogs with ESP.
l
No, really!
"A DIA 1975 report, "Soviet and Czechoslovakian Parapsychology Research, described "a scientific breakthrough of tremendous significance." Soviet scientists had reportedly learned that "psychic" abilities stemmed from a kind of brain energy. This energy, it was claimed, had been extracted from the brain into a beam. The beam was focused on houseflies, who "died instantly." A Soviet "killer psychic," one Nina Kulagina, was even able to "stop" the heart of a laboratory frog."
http://www.markriebling.com/archives/00000304.htm
Poisonous? Damn, there goes my idea to have thousands of princesses go out and kiss them.
It is by the juice of the coffee bean that thoughts acquire speed, the teeth acquire stains. The stains become a warning
> This just in: President Bush announced we are invading Antartica to destroy the cane toads in Australia.
Well, at least he's close. It took a last-minute phone call to abort the 5th Airborne who just about to go into Vienna.
Done with slashdot, done with nerds, getting a life.
let me get this straight, Australia has an army?
I hope months from now there is a /. post about how troops are losing the war on toads.
Can I bum a sig?
No, no, the solution is really quite simple. You see, there are these large, carniverous lizards from Equador that happen to like to eat these toads. Fortunately, they multiply very fast so they will kill off the toads in no time. Brilliant!
--
Who are you callin' myopic?!?
blah blah blah
"Evolved toads march towards Darwin", there is something very ironic about all of this.
try{
X= "We've got a beetle infestation problem.";
Y= "We're sending in toads to clean it up.";
X= "Now we've got a toad infestation problem.";
Y= "We're sending in soldiers to clean it up.";
X= "Now we've got a soldier infestation problem.";
if ( CanTakeAJoke() )
Y= "We're sending in IEDs to clean it up.";
else
Y= "We're sending in beer to clean it up.";
}
catch(HumorBufferUnderflowException heh){
kneejerk();
}
A "bullfrog"?!?! That's a funny name. I woulda called it a Chazwazzer!
History shows that when met with any kind of military force, the frogs quickly surrender!
And I do apologize...