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Walmart Tries to Emulate MySpace
mattsucks writes to tell us that according to AdAge, retail behemoth WalMart is trying desperately to target the MySpace demographic with a new, and highly sanitized, site designed to appeal to teens. From the article: "It's a quasi-social-networking site for teens designed to allow them to 'express their individuality,' yet it screens all content, tells parents their kids have joined and forbids users to e-mail one another. Oh, and it calls users 'hubsters' -- a twist on hipsters that proves just how painfully uncool it is to try to be cool."
I didn't think it was humanly possible, but I think I like Myspace better.
Screened content? Check
Parents notified? Check
Oooh, no email? Check
Yep, hits all my buttons.
Unfortunately, I'm a parent, with teenagers. I'd have as much success leading them to this site as I have getting them to tidy their rooms, speak respectfully to their elders and cook dinner occasionally.
If that site were any more out of touch it would download via Senator Ted Stevens' tube based internet.
I think Walmart's been taking marketing advise from Steven Colbert:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PbJJUy1KD8
"Things are more moderner than before- bigger, and yet smaller- it's computers-- San Dimas High School football RULES!"
Oh.... My... Gawd....
I have finally seen it: The Worst Idea On The Internet.
I always thought it would come from Bush, Ballmer, or Bin Laden, but congratulations, Wal-Mart, you've won! Yes, because we all know that teens are clamoring to be associated with that haven of cool, the Wal-Mart Supercenter! They'll hang out all day in chat rooms monitored by a giant smiley face that threatens to "Roll back trolls"! They want clever, yet unoffensive nicknames like 'The gr33tr' and 'mop_guy_99'! They'll argue all day over whether they should get the 80-pack of Charmin or the 120-pack of generic brand toilet paper!
What teen wouldn't mind saying in the halls of their school, "I'll see ya on The HUB, dude!" "ya, see ya later, HUBSTER"?! (tragically these two kids were beaten to death with Abercrombie & Fitch merchandise a few moments later)
Seriously, I can imagine the Gap or Abercrombie, maybe even Starbucks doing this, but.... Wal-mart?!?!
I can only imagine that the kind of teen that would use Wal-mart for a social networking service are the ones who go there barefoot and pregnant because they thought Saran Wrap was a contraceptive. That and the guys who argue over Coors Lite vs. Miller Lite.
May Cthulu help us all.
I can't believe how naive these failed-meme-launching marketing execs keep proving themselves to be.
There are 95 million myspace users and every week another million sign up. There aren't enough additional people in the Internet-using public in america to even come close to competing with myspace. They'd be lucky to pick up a couple hundred thousand users. And why would you use this instead of myspace?
This isn't intended to compete with myspace. It's just another marketing disaster.
"You've just become a member of one of the coolest cliques on the net. Be sure to spam your friends...
Wait for the goatse... Meanwhile I'll be uploading random copyright infringing content via tor... This must be good for something.
it's a blue bright blue Saturday hey hey
Perhaps I'm too old.
Yes, definitely. If, by old, you mean born before 1993.
Just wait. Walmart will realize their mistake and allow kids to do things like add hot pink text on top of bright orange, move the text boxes all over the fucking page and feature looping, inane, impossible to shut off Walmart-friendly music that highlights all the best boy bands Walmart has to offer.
Aside from the entertainment of the mockery Wally World so richly deserves, this is a pretty clear example of the level of desperation the idiot mainstream marketers are experiencing. They, like the failed entertainment retailers, are coming to realize that they can't control the world anymore.
So, they are trying to take on this runaway train we call the web. Trouble is, they have been stuck in their little castles for so long, they no longer get the new world that is. Because they do not get it, they attempt a cheesy imitation of such.
The stunning irony here is that they actually believed this rip off would be found credible and there was no one within their ranks who was able to tell them how idiotic they looked.
This isn't the loss of a battle -- this is a total loss of the war.
Mod me up, mod me down, flame me, praise me -- whatever you do, you help prove I exist...