Using Your Laptop In Bed

ryanaip writes "The New York Times has an article looking at the social implications of technology in the home. Specifically, the problems a spouse can face when their loved one is working in bed." From the article: "As electronic devices get smaller, people tote their technology around the house more than ever. And as the number of home wireless networks also grows, laptops — along with Treos, BlackBerries and other messaging devices — are migrating into the bedroom and onto the bed. The marital bed has survived his-and-her book lights and the sushi-laden bed tray. Can it also survive computers that tether their owners to the office or make the bed the workplace itself?"

Comments

I sleep in my bed

[Anonymous Crowhead]

That's all I ever use it for. Sleeping. Oh, and falling asleep. And I guess waking up. And, you know, with the wife. I use my bed for bed-type related activities. No TV, no computer, no phone. Those aren't bed related activities.

You have to set boundries

[thewiz]

My wife and I are both computer professionals. We have iPods, laptops, etc but we agreed that electronic gadgets (including TVs) would NOT be allowed in our bedroom. Our bedroom is for sleeping, sex, and private time together. Work stays at work; home is home. Don't let the gadgets run your life or ruin your relationship.

Yes, yes it can

[IANAAC]

The marital bed has survived his-and-her book lights and the sushi-laden bed tray. Can it also survive computers that tether their owners to the office or make the bed the workplace itself?"

This is just stupid. Really.

Yes, of course it can survive. Most reasonable people in relationships realize that there is a need to separate work from personal.

Therefore, they'll most likely have a separate work area, which could even be part of the living room. Hell, if you've got kids, you probably already have an area of the family room/den set aside for the family computer.

Priorities

[davidwr]

If you love {your computer | the internet | insert favorite toy/hobby here} more than your spouse, you have a problem.

Solving that problem is left as an exercise for the reader. Answers may vary.

The Core Issue of this:

[Tavor]

Is that people are so busy anymore as to need to take a laptop to bed, to vacation, or such. Not to sound like a luddite, but really. Why do people not take a good book to bed, or pay attention to their partner? It's not like one is getting paid to work through bedtime or vacation.

Re:Sweet! Now I can work in bed

[Profane MuthaFucka]

I'm a consultant. Instead of the sex, could I just get more money? Why you ask? Well, I don't have a place to put sex in my wallet.

It's... complicated

[MikeRT]

Selfishness has become par for the course in American culture. You can have it all! It's all about YOU!!!

American culture has become a cesspool of me, me, me attitudes. And you know what I see, working in Northern Virginia around a lot of very wealth middle age people who are like this? Nothing but unhappiness! The happiest people I know are the ones who aren't that well off, but have rejected modern values for sacrifice and committment in their families and marriages.

We will all die someday. When you are on your deathbed, are you going to be happy that you had a great career that forced you to stay away from your wife and kids? How about you, ladies. Are y'all going to look back fondly on the years you had kids, but even though your husbands could support your family, you worked anyway because "feelin fullfilled" meant more to you than being close to your kids as you rasied them? Then you wonder why they don't know their parents and act lost or are embittered to parents whose priorities were all fucked up.

I have news for you, modern America. The reason you are fucked up and rotting from the inside out is that you have no soul. It is not all about you in the here and now. When you get married, you are responsible to uplift your spouse and take care of them, even if you don't "feel love" toward them right now. When you have kids, they are your priority, not your job and "need to feel fullfilled." That means that you don't work more than you need to to provide and be secure in the future. Drive the damn Scion tC instead of the Lexus if you have to.

Re:It's... complicated

[AusIV]

I agree with most of what you're saying, except I think you're over generalizing. I've always lived in the midwest, and while I certainly see some of what you're talking about, I certainly wouldn't say it's par for the course in American culture. I've only been to Northern Virginia once, and it did seem faster paced, but I suspect the reason American culture is tainted as selfish is that people who are all about their jobs and money are the loudest among us.

Re:Sleep Hygiene

[Skim123]

Bah, and I bet these same 'experts' say that the toilet is best used for going to the bathroom and nothing else. If it weren't for the bed and toilet, I'd get no 'dead tree' reading done!

what's the big deal

[romit_icarus]

As devices get smaller and wirefree, it's an inevitability. Today it's acceptable to get magazines and books to bed, tomorrow it will be electronic devices.

Re:It is not just the bed..

[Asmor]

Man, I wish my fiancée would tell me to go to my computer for some T&A.

She's of the "tolerates it but doesn't want to know about it" school.

Re:The heat!

[Wes Janson]

Is that necessarily a bad thing (provided you don't want children)?

Re:Sleep Hygiene

[ring-eldest]

Sex has some built-in controls, as well as being considered socially as an appropriate bedroom behavior (at least in most cultures). Let's look at this "training" a little more closely:

It's more appropriately referred to as classical conditioning, and it's best spoke of in SR psychology terms. You don't want to pair the bed stimulus with any non-bedroom behavior, or you risk fucking up your sleep. You're right, though, sex is not exempt from this s-r pairing-- you might find yourself becoming aroused when laying down to sleep, even if your wife is not there (and therefore there is no evolutionary reason for you to want to procreate) it is only a conditioned response from the previous pairings of bed and sex.

Now, for the built in protection: you either have sex, or masturbate. It's not as risky as say, watching TV, eating, or doing other non-bedroom behaviors, because unless you have an abnormal sexual appetite, sex/masturbation does not have to be a massive time consumer. There is a definite beginning/ending to sex, as opposed to the other behaviors, so when you're done, you're done. Go to sleep. (note that it's 3:00am just about, and I'm reading slashdot and posting a response. Damn. I know I should have had sex instead.)

Re:Not if you have a waterbed

[19thNervousBreakdown]

It's 2.4Ghz, about the same as a microwave, which picked that frequency specifically because water absorbs it so well. I wouldn't be surprised if a much thinner layer of water ate the signal.

Re:Not if you have a waterbed

[pklinken]

I haven't tested it in the bath yet - how good is Dell Completecare?

How good is your healthcare ?

Re:Got any data to back up that stupid idea?

[be-fan]

I'm not saying that it can't work out for some (even many) people. Especially if there is some sort of support network there in the form of family, friends, etc. However, lots of people don't have that support network in place, many husbands aren't so flexible as to make sure their wives have "time off", and many people just aren't wired to find keeping a home satisfying. If you took a women at random from the population, the chances are good that at least one of these important elements is missing in her life. Thus, in common circumstances, a women is usually better-off working than staying at home.

Regarding the contorted relationship, I disgree. The wife working outside the home changes the dynamics of the marriage substantially. The thing about homemaking is that its an unpaid profession, and we, especially Americans, are programmed to associate worth with salary. As a result, marital tensions arise from ambiguity about the contribution of each person in the couple to the family unit. This is complicated by the fact that most men do not really understand what's involved in keeping a home, and don't do the calculation of the actual equivalent monetary value of the services provided by the housewife. How many times have you heard a man complain that his wife is wasting "his" money. This is precisely that phenomenon at work. When the women works, the value of her contribution is made explicit, and an avenue for potential conflict is shut down. Being outside the home also changes the perceptions of women. Housewives often have a distorted view of what men consider "the real world" --- ie: the workplace in which the man spends most of his day. Working gives women some perspective on how the man lives, which reduces the potential for conflict resulting from differences in perspective.