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Is the Do Not Call System Working?
BrentRJones writes "I signed up for the Do Not Call registry the first day I heard of it, and I have to say that I have gotten very few telemarketers calling over the past couple of years. However, there now seems to be more calls that start, 'This is a survey...' or some other such excuse. I do not mind getting a few charity appeals or calls from those I have done business with in the past, but I do wish that I could avoid the political phone calls. I am curious what other Slashdot folks are experiencing, and I am also wondering if I say, 'Please remove from any list that you have.' when I am called, will this do any good?"
All I do is say " OK I charge $25.00 for answering surveys.. Who do I bill." It's interesting the answers I get
Semper ubi sub ubi
Personally... when I get a telemarketer, I do my utmost to make their job as uncomfortable as possible... since they initiated the conversation, their time is now mine... If I'm rushed, a simple, "What are you wearing right now?" usually gets them to hang up...
You can also go for the phone-sex line style stuff... and start asking for a credit card number...
Nephilium
Be always drunken. Nothing else matters. If you would not feel the horrible burden of Time weighing on your shoulders and crushing you to the earth, be drunken continually. -- Charles Baudelaire, French poet
is to use the counterscript (assuming I don't hang up).
...itwillonlytake63secondsandonebreathformetoblurt outayesornoquestion...
I just got one of these last week asking for my opinion about the film and tv ratings systems. When I started to actually say what I thought about the system ( three digit body count = PG13 while a nipple = NC17 ) she hung up without even bothering to cut me off. I may have spent as much as 40 seconds discussing the issue with dead air and I was very disappointed that I wasn't really given a chance to string her along for as long as I'd have liked.
The police and fire department charities are a bit more pleasant to work with. My best for a police call was when I asked if they'd found my car yet. My best fire call, I had a friend nearby to help me with this, I set off the smoke detector with a cigarette, dropped the phone on the counter and yelled at my friend for not watching the stove while I got the phone. That one went through some cursing, clanking and the sound of me unloading a bottle of shaving cream next to the phone (to simulate a fire extinguisher) before I picked up the phone asked "who are you again?" and then following their response with "Oh.. thank you for calling but I think we have it handled."
My God! It's full of eval()'s.
A few months ago, I went out and actively solicited calls from telemarketers. How? By signing up to a mortgage website, giving a false name (Jack B. Morocco), a false address, but a valid phone number. Why? Because those running the mortgage website spammed me, and I was interested to follow the money back to the bona fide mortgage companies that were financing the spammers.
A few days after I signed up, the phone calls began. Usually, when the caller asked to speak to Jack, I would tell them that I would fetch him to the phone. I would then set the handset down next to the phone, and get back to work. They would typically stay on the line for around 10 minutes, before they hung up.
However, on some occasions I used the cheese method. Basically, to whatever question I was asked, I replied cheese. A sample conversation:
Him Hi, may I speak to Jack?
Me Cheese.
Him I beg your pardon?
Me Cheese.
Him Did you just say cheese?
Me Cheese.
Him I'm trying to speak to Jack.
Me Cheese?
Him Look, I don't have any time to waste
Me Cheese.
(The last remark was particularly funny, in light of the huge amounts of others' time this company had wasted by funding spammers).
On one special occasion, I was called by someone in an overseas call center. They stuck religiously to the script, despite the fact that I was cheesing them at every turn. Slowly, it became clear to them that something was not quite right -- but it took them a while, because I don't think their grasp of English was perfect. Eventually, they ended the call with "OK, Jack, you really sound good, I'm sorry to bother you, goodbye."
To which I replied cheese.
If you want a slice of the action, why not reply to the next mortgage spammer yourself? Make sure you give a fake address but a real number, so that they can get through to you. Oh, and it would be fun if you signed up as Jack/Jane B. Morocco. And don't forget the cheese!
Tubal-Cain smokes the white owl.
My favorite line for police type charities (usually selling tickets to charity events or raffle tickets or what not) is, "Thanks, but I get enough tickets from cops without buying more of them."
Telemarketer (T): Hello Mr Spoilsport may I call you Ralph?
RS: I own you...
T: Sorry?
RS: I own your soul...
T: You own what?
RS: I am Sataaan... I know you to the Soooooul... You are mine....
T: May I interest you in (product)?
RS: Come to Sataaaaan... Come to me.... You are mine... I own your soul...
T: (Agitated) Does this sound like something you might be interested in?
RS: Come to Sataaaan... I own your soul... You will rot in hell with me.... Come to me...
etc.
Once this black woman called and I did the Satan routine and she FREAKED OUT. She started crying and hung up. I scored 30 points for that.
Another favourite tack on these creatures:
RS: WHAT?
T: Hello? Is this Mr Spoilsport?
RS: FUCK YOU!
T: What?
RS: FUCK YOU AND YOUR WHORE OF A MOTHER WHO IS SUCKING MY COCK RIGHT NOW YOU SCUM SUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!
(click)
I get 20 points for that - It's a brute force approach. It's not that creative and it's kind of mean, so you only get 20 points for it.
Also: there's the classic:
RS: Bobo!
T: Hello? Is this Mr Spoilsport?
RS: Yabba! Tengo bleck nock! Curby flipwitters!
T: Do you speak English?
RS: Me me me speak English!
T: Would you be interested in (product pitch)?
RS: Ama watamela eatie foo!
T: What?
RS: yumma cunt swabber! Peenie drip bubby! Yumma buttlicker!
T: What?
RS: shibby shops! Peeface! Yabba Peeface!
etc. If yo ucan get them to hang up, you get 40 points, because talking like an idiot with a straight face long enough to get them to hang up is pretty hard.
Then there's always:
RS: Yes...
T: hi is this mr Spoilsport?
RS: What's it to you, motherfucker?
T: Sorry?
RS: I'm coming to your house, and I'm going to kill all your pets.
etc. whatever tey say, just march over it and make weid fucked up pseudo threats, like "I'll steal all your garbage" or "I'll pee in your garden" or "I'll get your dog knocked up" etc.
Telemarketers were put on this earth to be abused.
RS
Shoes for Industry. Shoes for the Dead.