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Household Technology Rules for Kids?
An anonymous reader asks: "My wife and I are in the process of adopting kids- We're hoping to adopt older boys (8 and up) from within the US. We've gone through the state mandated courses, but those courses don't really cover how to limit the kids with respect to technology (the Internet, TV content filtering, cell phones, MP3 players, etc). The latest strong potential son is a 14 year old child that is computer aware. I do not want to completely shelter the child, but I do want to establish boundaries- for example, I'm not going to install filtering software on his computer, but the computer will be in a public place in the house." How would you control a child's exposure to new technologies, especially when a few of those technologies are bundled with inherent dangers in addition to their great advantages (like the Internet)?
"I want to give him the freedom to learn and be creative, but also try to avoid the nastiness on the net (like the RIAA). I want him to have the freedom not just to play on the computer, but to truly use it. From everything I've been told about the kids in the foster system, they do best with a structured environment- something predictable and stable, so I think a set of rules for him to start with would be good. I'm asking for some ideas for appropriate rules/boundaries for kids, including things to watch for, and appropriate punishments (something akin to 'you broke the server, so you'll have to rebuild it, with dad's help')."
Don't bother even trying, you'll just make a fool out of yourself. Your kids already know about everything you think they shouldn't.
Heck, my mother thinks I (who am 23 years old with long term significant other) shouldn't be using the Internet at night in case I find pornography.
Putting all PCs in a common room will strongly limit a child's desire to download dubious material. Do this both ways: use your own PC only in family areas of the house.
The real "Libtards" are the Libertarians!
Every time the kid uses vi instead of emacs, he has to go stand in the corner for an hour!
damn... good way to prep the future generations for the police state...expecting authority figures to have full access to your entire life at any time for any reason. And mainting any privacy is instant cause for guilty status.
* We dance where angels fear to tread *
Since you're adopting a teenager, you're going to have a radically different experience than everyone else here. I don't have kids, but I have two nieces, one foster and one adopted (14 and 7), and there are a lot of things different from what my parents had to deal with from my brother and I.
Since you aren't starting with a child from birth, you have to go through a period of actually getting to know them before you can really decide what kind of rules there need to be. Talk to them, and find out what they know already, and what they're used to, and work from there. A 14 year old new to your family isn't going to react well to arbitrary rules, especially if they're radically different from what he's used to. Anything that's much different from his normal should be explained. You don't have to explain everything, obviously, but you need to be open with them on the reasons for things that they may not agree with.
I recommend keeping the electronic entertainment in common areas, but that's more of a spending time together thing. The last thing you want to do with a newly adopted kid is to encourage them to spend time away from the rest of the family. Give them space, but make sure that they've got some draw to be out and about with everyone else.
1. Don't take a bath with a plugged in toaster. ...).
2. Don't stand behind a car when it's backing down the driveway.
3. Don't use my electric razor on the cat (or dog, or gerbils, or
4. When the stove has that jumpy stuff coming out of the cooking part, don't stick your hand in it.
5. Do not put the cat in the freezer because it seems warm. THe cat likes it warm.
6. Even if the cat likes it warm, don't put it in the microwave.
7. Don't put your little brother in the dryer to give him a ride.
8. Even if they're called *safety* pins, you still can't stick them in electrical sockets.
9. Do not take pictures of mommy or daddy in the shower.
10. Television will kill you. Really.
That is all.
As a 16 yr old, I feel compelled to answer.
By putting restrictions or limitations on computer/internet/etc usage, you will accomplish nothing. It will signify your lack of trust, which is a bad way to start. Additionally, with even a small amount of computer knowledge, such restrictions are generally easily bypassed.
The same applies to TV filtering. By doing so, right off the bat, you are basically saying there is _no_ trust, and that is a very bad way to go.
That said, it would be a good idea to make sure that he understands what you allow and what you don't, however, long discussions are a bad idea, especially on topics he probably isn't comfortable discussing with you. Remember that he probably knows you won't be happy to catch him downloading illegal music, so repeating it is just annoying. Short and sweet is your best friend.
As for rules/boundaries, several things should be kept in mind. If he spends a lot of time on the computer, so be it. Remind him and encourage him to do other things, but forcing him to not use the computer will just piss him off, and who knows, maybe he'll end up as a computer science major. If he seems to be switching windows every time you walk by, he's probably doing something he shouldn't be doing.
As for punishment, remember that there are a lot worse things that he could be doing than illegally downloading music or watching porn. If you see him downloading music, at least you know he isn't out doing drugs. And if you catch him watching porn, the embarrassment he goes through would be far worse than any punishment you could give.