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Star Trek XI - What We Know
Jean Lucy writes "TwitchGuru has an article outlining in detail what is known about Star Trek XI. The film is in the early stages of production, led by J.J. Abrams (creator of Lost), and the movie will most likely be a prequel featuring Kirk and Spock in their younger years. No word of Matt Damon to play Kirk, though..." From the article: "As reported in early September, even former Star Trek actors are saying that CBS has kicked Rick Berman off the Trek bandwagon. This helps to allay the fears of those who say that 'they' will screw up this movie as 'they' have been doing for the past several years. As Anthony Pascale put it to me, however, 'There is no they any more. Everyone who has worked on Star Trek previously, from the top executives at the studio to the guy who sweeps the floor on-set, is gone. There's now a totally different production team running Star Trek. This is what people have been asking for now for years.'"
to the guy who sweeps the floor on-set, is gone
Poor guy...
They fired Steve? Bastards!
Cause odd/even principle will show that this movie will be terrible anyway so lets just get it over with.
CBS has kicked Rick Berman off the Trek bandwagon
Someone at CBS actually has a brain?
But they PROMISED us if we stopped pirating films, the little guys would get to keep their jobs!
NOOOOOOOooooooooo!!!!!!
She was like chocolate when she drank... semi-sweet at first and then increasingly bitter.
I was. I hated the guy who swept the floor.
'Nsync cameos as red shirts?
insert inflammatory anti-microsoft comment here
What? A prequel? That means outdated technology? How on earth do they expect Star Trek fans to enjoy a film where space ships can only go to warp 5?
Full Tilt
Ok, this confirms it:
Separated at Birth!
liqbase
# Has a bigger spaceship, which can separate into two spaceships.
# Quotes Shakespeare all the time. Hell, even the ability to speak without pausing every two to three seconds puts him above Kirk
# Not only the president of the Enterprise, but also a client.
# Was turned into a robot. Robots are cool.
# Can say "Make it so" in 43 different inflections in 6 different languages.
# Isn't a walking sexual harassment suit. Hiring Picard instead of a skirt-chaser like Kirk is estimated to have saved the Federation 23 billion credits worth of legal fees and hush money paid to the mothers of illegitimate children spread out across hundreds of star systems.
# Has an annoying techno song compsed totally of his lines. Then someone took the time to make a music video by finding the scenes the lines were from, and editing them to fit the song. Crazy.
# Wasn't made an admiral. Kirk told him not to let starfleet promote him, and he didn't. Therfore Picard is better.
# Picard would never, ever tell his fans to GET A LIFE!
# Kirk was a leader of followers. That's the only reason he (almost) got away with it.
# Picard's worst episodes were originally written for Kirk.
# Picard discovers new life, new civilizations and strange new worlds, not discarded movie sets from 1950s period dramas.
# Picard can act out entire Shakespearean plays, not merely remember 5 or 6 lines.
# Picard can get his ship to orbit a planet in both directions.
# Picard would never ever date a shape-shifter who had previously morphed into a little girl.
# Picard doesn't need to wear glasses.
# Picard has so much backbone Starfleet designers had to cut out a section of his command chair for it all to fit in.
# Picard didn't have to reprogram a computer to give him better grades in order to graduate from Starfleet Academy.
# Picard has to contend with crap Starfleet Admirals. If he stole a starship only to have it get destroyed, he'd get vaporized, not given captaincy of a new one like in the easy old days.
# Picard commands his ship using the big head.
# Picard has a ship whose engines can take it.
# Three words: seven whole seasons.
# Picard never uses Grecian 2000.
# Picard has to contend with the "Prime Directive", a ruling imposed on him by Starfleet after they saw what a complete shambles resulted when they let Kirk meet new alien races.
# The only way Picard would allow Tribbles on his ship would be as hors d'oeuvres.
# Picard never met Joan Collins.
# Picard's bridge doesn't sound like an aviary.
# Picard participates in the odd archaeological dig. Kirk would make a suitable subject for one.
# One question: to which Captain would you entrust the safety of your daughter?
# Picard is far too cool to beam down to a planet, strip to his waist and wrestle with some guy in a rubber lizard suit. He lets his First Officer do all that for him.
# Picard never shot his best friend's body into space in a photon torpedo.
# Kirk probably thinks a concerto is a kind of ice cream dessert.
# Picard doesn't need hair, real or not.
# Picard's crew are too sophisticated to be taken over by a bunch of women in gogo boots and have the most intelligent person aboard controlled by a box that has less buttons than a Super Nintendo joypad.
-- Ensign Montoya
Oh, say does that Star-Spangled Banner entwine / The myrtle of Venus with Bacchus's vine?
Lets see here, there are rope traps in the hallway.
half of the crew is the enemy.
there is a lot of sexual homosexual hermaphoditic and beastial sexual tension going around.
you have two watch 10 movies just to know what is going on.
oh yea and their trapped in an alternate univers that they cant get out of.
*another* prequel? They never learn.
So Kirk will be 12 and Spock will be 100 and McCoy will *still* be 90 and Uhura will not have developed yet.
It will die quickly.
I'd go on a Vegan diet but the delivery time from Vega is too long. --brownkitty
Q could wipe out the entire Enterprise timeline. Then we could all feel good about ignoring it
When our name is on the back of your car, we're behind you all the way!
The enterprise gets diverted from its course by a mysterious electromagnetic beam which attracts the ship to a habitable planet. This beam breaks the ship into three separate parts, which crash into different parts of the planet. Kirk, Spock, and the rest of the crew are stranded on the planet, where they fight a fog-like creature, some polar bears, and an alien race known as "The Others".
Kirk and Spock were young men with dreams of trvavelling the universe. As they tweaked the knobs on their prototype spacecraft, Kirk let out a sigh and said "Is it getting hot in here, Spock?" The nubile, yet distinguished young Vulcan replied "My temperature sensor does indeed indicate much wamrth and humidity." Kirk nodded coyly to Spock as he peeled off his lycra bodysuit. "That seems like a logical thing to do," noted Spock as he proceeded to do likewise, revealing his silky-skinned chest. Striking up a conversational mood, Spock enquired "What is this thing you humans call fisting? Is it a medical procedure?" Kirk winked and said "It's the way we calibrate the Warp Drive." Unaware of Kirk's subtext, Spock replied "Most interesting. Would you care to demonstrate these techniques in the interest of knowledge?" Kirk tried to subdue his enthusiasm. "Oh damn, I dropped my wrench. Could you bend over and pick it up for me?" Kirk could no longer control himself. "Engage! Engage like a pig!" he cried, as he set his thrusters to full.
... and then they built the supercollider.
Just uh, btw, Picard = Patrick Stewart = Prof. X. Ian McKellan, who played Magneto, was (afaik) never in any star trek production.
# Picard's adventures spun off three new series, each longer than Kirk's run. Kirk only inspired a one-seasoned cartoon, and six movies.
# Kirk's First Officer played some form of Vulcan harp, an instrument that makes the trombone look like just about the most macho thing this side of Kirk's toupee.
# How many innocent yellow-shirted security officers have been killed by crazed aliens who had taken pot shots at them in the mistaken belief that they were actually shooting at Kirk?
# Kirk commands his ship as if he's driving a tractor across an Iowa wheat field.
# When Picard was 37, he was the Captain of the lowly Stargazer. Starfleet soon learned the value of "progressive experience" having witnessed the disastrous consequences of letting someone take charge of a real ship when their previous vehicular experience extended only as far as driving a tractor across an Iowa wheat field.
# If Kirk had a doctor like Beverly Crusher, Starfleet would have to relocate the command chair in sickbay.
# If Kirk was captain when Tasha Yar died, he would have tried to do her corpse.
# Picard has more than one token black person on his crew.
# Picard isn't afraid to go places without a security team.
# Picard doesn't wear pansy sailor-boy markings on his cuffs.
# Picard has shuttlecraft that can travel faster than Kirk's ship.
# Picard would never have said "He's had too much LDS".
# Picard never has to say stupid things like, "I...am a Gr'up!" in front of young teenage girls who fancy him.
# Picard was actually in his own show's pilot episode.
# Picard never visits planets that look suspiciously like a Californian desert, except for that time he met Kirk.
# Picard won't spend his retirement writing science fiction books or making cameo appearances in Zemeckis & Zemeckis films.
# Picard was never demoted to a lieutenant in the L.A. Police Department.
# Picard is too slim to require a Kellogg's All Bran diet, and too dignified to turn up in an ad for such things.
# Picard's doctor doesn't have to keep reminding him what her job is.
# Picard doesn't have to operate his turbo lifts using hand pumps.
# Picard's main viewer is a 200 inch hi-definition TV with Nicam and Pro-Logic surround-sound.
# Picard's ego wouldn't demand $7 million for a 10 minute appearance in a movie.
# Picard can spend more than 15 minutes on a planet before being shot at or locked up.
# Picard's ship was never taken over by a door-to-door salesman.
# If the Borg had assimilated Kirk, they wouldn't have learned anything.
# Picard's First Officer eats the things that attack Kirk in alien forests.
# Picard would never blow up his own ship.
# Imagine you have to impose your authority: "This is Captain Jean Luc Picard of the Federation Starship Enterprise." Now introduce yourself as "James Tiberius Kirk, but you can call me Jim." See the difference?
# If Q had met Kirk instead of Picard he would have destroyed humanity before Kirk got two words out.
# Who ever heard of the Patrick Stewart foundation?
# One word: Intelligence.
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"XI" is 11. Thanks for playing.
Yeah, Passion of the Christ only made about $600 million.
I don't think The Passion of Kahless would bring in the Christian movie-going crowd.
My Sysadmin Blog
Wow! Is this guy related to the master Chuck Norris? Maybe a grand grand son?
Or... or... an entire series about the Mirror Universe! Fu-manchus and gold bikinis all around! They could even recast the same actors, use half of the same plots, and rebuild all of the old sets... just EVIL!
You could even have it written and directed by the Mirror Universe Rick Berman, who makes thoughtful, entertaining, and understated cinematic art.
The Wizard utters the word 'frobnoid!' and cackles gleefully
See, in TOS you had the brushed kind of metal/plastic grey floors that were so classic in the sixties. You couldn't see dirt or footprints in that, you waxed it - it was shiny, it was a little camp, a little primitive by today's standards, but you kind of look past that, you see the show for what it really is at the core: a clean, shiny floor.
TNG took a while to find its own direction, but I think carpets were a good logical development on the theme. You brought in new technology - vacuum cleaners, carpet brushes - but they did stay true to the theme - exploring and developing new ways of keeping the floor clean in a universe essentially full of darkness and dirt.
DS9 was a bit different - most of the time it was so dark you couldn't even see the floor, it could have been covered in dirt for all you knew. But this was new, it was interesting. It wasn't something Trek had done before. They brought in religious themes, it was a fresh idea. What if neatly swept floors took a back seat? What if you let the Federation get their hands and their floorings a little bit dirtier?
But Voyager... Voyager tried to take the TNG angle, which was already tired, and they just shoved perfectly, ridiculously clean carpetry into a quadrant of the galaxy where they should barely have had access to soap, let alone the carpet shampooing requirements that a typical Federation starship needs. It was implausible. They were exceeding the general cleanliness of a fully-tooled-up Federation, on their own, half a galaxy from home. As for ENT - did you see all that shimmery metal, and no sweeping in sight? Not even a Borg-created alternate timeline could account for that kind of discontinuity.
So, yes. The standard of sweeping in Trek has been steadily decreasing for the best part of a decade right now. It's time for a change. I'm thinking... rugs?
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