The 20 Worst Games Ever

EGM's Seanbaby has a 'director's cut' of a list of the top 20 worst videogames, a list published in the 150th issue of Electronic Gaming Monthly earlier this year. While some top lists may claim authority, this one is the real deal: these games are utter crap. From the article: "#10: Revolution X (SNES) This game is biblically horrific. You're overthrowing an oppressive world order. With Aerosmith. And music is your weapon. That scream of terror you just heard was probably you. Using your weapon, music, you'll fight a massive army of soldiers sent by the government to keep you from rocking. And since the artists were lazy, the army is made up entirely of a man in a yellow jacket and his several thousand identical twins."

Comments

Re:The list

[Walt Dismal]

You forgot Happy Fun Time Cheesegrater Testicle Assault, from Namco for the Atari, voted the most painful game of all time.

For obvious reasons, I believe no one ever got to the final level, which involved Mexican hot peppers and flesh-eating wolverines. Ahh, let's not go there after all. Those wacky Japanese game geniuses.

Hey, didn't you read the title?

[Colin Smith]

It's "The 20 Worst Games Ever."

Re:Hey, didn't you read the title?

[Anonymous Coward]

It did have one interesting read.

Either God gives me a god damn pony detector or He's just going to have to make some more ponies after he's done killing everybody.

OMG PONIES!!

Re:Plumbers don't wear ties?

[shreevatsa]

OTOH, my nomination "most awesome game ever" goes to Desert Bus from Penn and Teller's Smoke and Mirrors game package (it never made it big, surprisingly). The game was an answer to the Jack Thompson-types. Quoting from various sources:

'Desert Bus' was a game we thought would really appeal to people who didn't like unrealistic games, and didn't like violence in their games. It was just like real, loving life.

The objective of the game is to drive a bus from Tucson, Arizona to Las Vegas, Nevada in real time at a maximum speed of 45mph, a feat that would take the player 8 hours of continuous play to complete, as the game cannot be paused.

The bus contains no passengers, and there is no scenery or other cars on the road. The bus veers to the right slightly; as a result, it's impossible to tape down a button to go do something else and have the game end properly. If the bus veers off the road it will stall and be towed back to Tucson, also in real time. If the player makes it to Las Vegas, they will score exactly one point: the counter - which was five zeros - went to 1.

It's available as a torrent; feel free to wallow in its awesomeness!

Re:The list

[lisaparratt]

I dunno, that's sounds like my idea of fun >:>

Revolution X

[filthWisard]

Is it just me or does Revolution X sound like it could have been a good idea for a game if you replaced aerosmith with spinal tap?

Re:Revolution X

[markimusk]

it's just you.

Re:Plumbers don't wear ties?

[KDR_11k]

That sounds as fun as some of Videlectrix's offerings.

Re:The list

[dr_dank]

15: Total Recall

For those of you at work today, you might want to skip this one. Unless, of course, you don't mind your boss seeing the triple-breasted martian prostitute. Hell, it might make for interesting conversation during your annual review.

Hold the button

[edxwelch]

Don't know if this would rate as the worse game, but it's good for a laugh anyways:
http://www.holdthebutton.com/

Re:You're Winner!

[iamhassi]

"check out #9, Custer's Revenge, for some hot pr0n."

WHOA! Ook now that's going to far, Custer's Revenge actually was a good game, if only for the hot indian princess sex action reward!

Can anyone think of any console game where you get to have sex with a Indian Princess after rescuing her? Anyone? How about getting to have sex with any hot girl after rescuing her?

You have no idea how disappointing super mario brothers was after seeing Custer's Revenge. Race across one screen in Custer's Revenge and you get laid, play 9 levels in SMB and you still don't get any princess sex!

Girlfriend walks in while i'm reading the review and says "Custer's Revenge. I've played that, you get to rape indian women and shit. That's a f**ked up little game." I couldn't have said it better myself ;-)

Re:Was pretty funny until it got homophobic

[WilliamSChips]

Except that it's not funny to anybody with more than two braincells.

Re:The list

[irving47]

Well in my case, it provided a lot of closure. I always felt like a retard when I tried to play that ET game. I'd sit awake in my room at night figuring, "OK" I just need to be smarter or pay more attention. I can't believe a video game on the atari would be wrong or bad, so it must be me!!"

When I saw the article title, I thought, "Oh please God, let it be on the list. Anywhere on the list!" Number One... There is a God.

Re:The list

[hmccabe]

You sir, must never has scratched your balls after slicing jalapenos.

Re:Plumbers don't wear ties?

[arth1]

The objective of the game is to drive a bus from Tucson, Arizona to Las Vegas, Nevada in real time at a maximum speed of 45mph, a feat that would take the player 8 hours of continuous play to complete, as the game cannot be paused.

It might be a rip-off, or it might be a zeitgeist, but "Journey to Alpha Centauri" as described by Terry Pratchett in the 1992 book "Only you can save mankind" is quite similar:

'Wobbler had written an actual computer game like this once. It was called "Journey to Alpha Centauri". It was a screen with some dots on it. Because, he said, it happened in real time, which no-one had ever heard of until computers. He'd seen on TV that it took three thousand years to get to Alpha Centauri. He had written it so that if anyone kept their computer on for three thousand years, they'd be rewarded by a little dot appearing in the middle of the screen, and then a message saying, "Welcome to Alpha Centauri. Now go home."'

And yes, the game itself exists too, in at least two different versions.

Regards,
--
*Art

hardcore game journalism

[cdrgonzo]

let's take 20 games everybody says sucks, bag on them, throw in homophobic references twice a game and say fuckity shit shit poopy fuck to buy a few laughs since i lack enough talent to be funny without them.

u are sucks

how about a list of the top twenty games every gaming dork beats off to despite knowing deep down it's boring garbage?

1- myst, totally gay
2- shenmue, jap fag, if i pooped i could have made a better game
3- final fantasy, 60 hours of homosexual gameplay, homos.
4- GTA, that guy is hardcore and bones babes, but im jerking it 50% for the guy and 50% for the woman, GAY.
5- Pikmin - i could imagine one of those flowers going up my butt, and pulling out a daisy that smelled better than this gayness...
6- Call of Duty - greek warriors were gay, so are american warriors and the gay artists that drew them...

i'm done, feel free to continue the list...