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An Open Letter To Diebold
jcatcw writes "Computerworld's Rob Mitchell tells Diebold President and CEO Thomas Swidarski how to regain Diebold's reputation instead of throwing in the e-voting towel. He recommends full disclosure of all existing problems, a process for disclosure of future problems, hiring of some real professionals as CTO and as an advisory group, and public testing. 'Surely if Diebold can make a secure ATM there is no reason why it cannot make secure and reliable e-voting apparatus in which the public has confidence.'"
Mr. Mitchell: Thank you for your concerns. STFU. I am Swidarski and all your votes belong to us.
Someone clue this guy in. The Democrats won this time.
That means there's no problems with Diebold.
But their voting machines ARE secure... the Democrats won!
To gain access to root on these machines, enter this code.
Left left left, right, A, A, C, Right, Left.
I, for one, welcome our Diebold-provided Republican overlo.... what?
oh. shit.
does that mean we like Diebold now?
at least, there's going to be lawyers crawling all over the place making sure no one got disen... wait? They aren't?
holy shit.. i'm so confused. Fsck politics.
guns kill people like spoons make Rosie O'Donnell fat.
Dear Diebold
After years of absymal performance, the public is understandingly distrustful of both your product and company. Don't fret, the world's expectations for the performance of the entire computer industry are quite low. Products don't even have to be good, just good enough.
So here are a few steps you can take to finally gain voter's confidence:
1. Under no circumstance should you release your source code. I know that earlier revisions have been distributed to the general public, and look at all the trouble that has caused. It is better to remain silent and thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.
2. Outsource, nobody ever got fired for outsourcing. Americans will celebrate knowing that many nations came together to build their democracy.
3. Encryption is an overrated buzzword. People love transparency in the democratic process.
4. Paper trails increase the price of an election for taxpayers. So do your patriotic duty and keep costs to a minimum. Besides, if the paper trail and computer result were different, it could create a lot of work and problems for your fine institution.
5. Another method to keep costs down is to minimize luxuries like manuals and support staff. Don't worry, elderly volenteers will learn how to operate and repair these systems with ease.
6. Hire a well known person to oversee my proposed inititives. I recommend Karl Rove, I'll bet he'll even pay you for this privilige.
7. To prove that the public knows that you are running this company for the love of democracy and not money, I'd recommend everyone employed by Diebold to dump their stock before doing anything else I have recommended. To get a fair price, you'll need to know about the status of the company, so build a Diebold Accounting program to count your assests (it shouldn't be too hard to fork your voting software). Remember that it is your corporate duty to release the results to the public.
To ensure that no politican could ever shut you down, claim that you have created many jobs. To bolster your numbers, claim that the dead work for you, if they can vote, why not make 'em work?
See you in 2008,
ac
Now that the Democrats control both houses, I think Diebold is looking down the barrel of some serious election tampering charges.
Oh yeah? Well, I have a friend who posts on slashdot. He said that if you knew half of what went on, you'd keep making claims without any evidence at all!
A) If your picture looks like or includes any of the following objects, proceed to step C:
B) If your picture looks like or includes any of the following objects, proceed to step C:
C) You need to increase your system's security.
Full credit for this one goes to
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