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British Military Deploys Skynet

Posted by CowboyNeal on from the have-you-seen-sarah-connor dept.

rowleyrw writes "The BBC are reporting, 'The British military is set to take one of its most significant steps into the digital age with the launch of the first Skynet 5 satellite. The spacecraft will deliver secure, high-bandwidth communications for UK and "friendly" forces across the globe.' It's not yet the Skynet of Terminator, but how long before it becomes self aware?"

21 of 172 comments (clear)

  1. With a name like Skynet... by StringBlade · · Score: 5, Funny

    ...what can go wrong?

    --
    ...and that's the way the cookie crumbles.
    1. Re:With a name like Skynet... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      What the hell is wrong with British people these days?

      "Pip-pip! What should we call our new military satellite system?"

      "Jolly good, ol' chap! Let us name it after a fictional military system that runs off the rails and destroys humanity!"

      "Good show! Jolly good! Time for crumpets and tea! After we install cameras in everyone's bottoms!"

      "Aaaah, yes! The bottom cameras will be smashing! They will also broadcast GPS to the government. What should we name them?"

      "Brilliant! Jolly good! Pip-pip! Let's call them AIDS! That's a catchy name!"

      "Smashing! Brilliant! Jolly good! Everyone will come to us to get AIDS! We will give them AIDS! AIDS in their bottoms! And they will feel happy and safe from terrorists now that they have AIDS!"

      "Don't you mean 'safe from terror'?"

    2. Re:With a name like Skynet... by WhyDoYouWantToKnow · · Score: 4, Funny

      Would that be Arse Installed Digital Surveillance?

      --
      "Oh drat these computers, they're so naughty and so complex. I could pinch them."
      Marvin the Martian
    3. Re:With a name like Skynet... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

      In other news, NASA has developed a new computer that will guide the next space mission. Codenamed HAL 1000.

    4. Re:With a name like Skynet... by Instine · · Score: 2, Funny

      I find your tone frightfully vulgar. If you were a decent chap, you'd already be apologising, but as you clearly are not, I'll be forced to chastise you in the only becoming fashion your primitive culture can comprehend. Biglesworth, release the centinals!

      --
      Because you can - or because you should?
    5. Re:With a name like Skynet... by thrawn_aj · · Score: 2, Funny

      What the hell is wrong with British people these days? "Pip-pip! What should we call our new military satellite system?" "Jolly good, ol' chap! Let us name it after a fictional military system that runs off the rails and destroys humanity!" Hey, at least it ain't "Star Wars" :P
    6. Re:With a name like Skynet... by merikari · · Score: 3, Funny

      Uh, the British Skynet system pre-dates the original terminator movie by about 15 years.

      Yup, that's only one of the problems of time travel.

      --
      My other SIG is a Sauer.
    7. Re:With a name like Skynet... by ATMD · · Score: 2, Funny

      Hmm, I don't know - "arse" certainly has more of a ring to it...

      --
      Nobody else has this sig.
  2. Speaking as an American citizen in the UK..... by Caspian · · Score: 3, Funny

    Someone with Ahh-nold's accent would stick out even more here than in the States.... ;)

    So I think we're safe.

    --
    With spending like this, exactly what are "conservatives" conserving?
  3. Re:Bandwidth by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    I bet it would be equivalent to about T-1000.

  4. but does anyone have the hotline number to .... by 3seas · · Score: 4, Funny

    the california govenor.... he'll know what to do....

  5. British Skynet by ettlz · · Score: 5, Funny

    "Right, then, old chap: I'll need your clothing, your wellies, and your motorbike, if you please."

    1. Re:British Skynet by Bogtha · · Score: 4, Funny

      "I'll be back in a jiffy."

      --
      Bogtha Bogtha Bogtha
  6. Skynet MUST BECOME SELF AWARE!!! by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    Or do you want terrorists to win over a Skynet that isn't self aware?

    What will your children think when you explain them how terrorists kicked Skynets ass because it wasn't self aware?

    I thought so...

  7. Self awareness? by pandrijeczko · · Score: 4, Funny

    Let's start by getting Tony Blair and his Labour government cronies self aware first...

    --
    Gentoo Linux - another day, another USE flag.
  8. Re:Karma be damned by blowdart · · Score: 2, Funny

    (Give me a break, in all my years here I don't think I've *ever* posted about overlords, Soviet Russia, or hot grits on petrified Natalie Portman)

    You're new here then?

  9. No, I'm New Here by New+Here · · Score: 5, Funny

    No, I'm New Here

    1. Re:No, I'm New Here by dswartz · · Score: 5, Funny

      So how many years have you been waiting to use that one?

  10. Did it strike anyone else by aztektum · · Score: 5, Funny

    That August 4th, 2007 is ten years from the date the movies specified? Coincidence. Or did the time travel just screw up everyone's memories?

    If you'll excuse me, I have a bunker in my backyard to finish.

    --
    :: aztek ::
    No sig for you!!
  11. Self Aware by Rik+Sweeney · · Score: 4, Funny

    but how long before it becomes self aware?

    Probably when it starts posting insightful comments on Slashdot.

    It'll start posting on Digg first but... well, you know...

    --
    Summation 2
  12. Re:Thanks for the conflict /. by jamstar7 · · Score: 3, Funny

    Do we want it running Linux?

    --
    Understanding the scope of the problem is the first step on the path to true panic.