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Work Unhappy or Move On?
dunnowhat2type asks: "I grew up around a big city (suburbs of NY) and went to college in a relatively different area (upstate NY). After graduating last May, I took a job in the area where I went to college. I started in July, and was given a relocation package contingent on me staying for a year. Since August, I haven't been happy with the area I have been living in and have actively been pursuing employment back in the city. What am I better off doing: Is it better to be miserable with money, work experience, and health insurance; or going home and being happy, but unemployed?"
In January, the program I was working on got cancelled and my manager didn't want to commit me to something long-term, with the knowledge that I didn't plan on staying more than six months. He made me a time-based offer (probably expiring soon) that he'd take every effort to get the relocation payback waived if I were to resign, find an internal transfer, or another job. I had a couple of interviews a month ago, but nothing else has happened, and this uncertainty (with the pressure of having to make this decision) has made the last two weeks really hellish."
Practically every job sucks, you might as well get used to struggling through the sucky times here, or else, when you finally do get your dream job, and it gets a little rough, you might not be prepared for what it takes to slog through that -- in some ways, running into obstacles in your dream job can be even more stressful.
The trick to dealing with a job that sucks is to put in just enough effort that, when you leave, you'll be happy with the reference that you get from them. If you need something to do in the meantime in order to feel fulfilled, consider this time as a chance to prepare for your real dream job, either through further job searching, or developing the necessary skills. Just don't let it screw up where you're working now (future employers at your possible dream job won't like that).
If the job isn't what you signed the contract for (ie the position dried up and they moved you into another position) the contract is null and void. You are within your rights to quit and not have to pay them back (yes, I consulted a lawyer about something very similar a while ago). I'd go and get a lawyer and pay the money for a consultation. A lot give you the first 30 mins free anyway.
If you're unhappy, it's causing you undue stress. You don't need that. IF you stick it out you'll become bitter and that will show up at other interviews. If the job is so bad and it causes you too much stress you might even wind up sick. You don't want that either. Get out and find something more enjoyable. Work shouldn't have to be a chore. If it's not fun you're in the wrong job.
I drink to make other people interesting!
If it were me, I'd quit if I could get reimbursed for the relocation package.
I've worked a few jobs, and there was one where I ended up being given the option of resigning or them letting me go (this was a fairly complicated situation involving an ineffective direct manager and an unresponsive director over him). I spent 18 months at that company, was hired by the VP, and then the director and manager jobs were backfilled. I even recommended the boss be hired as a technician when he interviewed because he had very good technical skills.
He was then promoted to manager, and the team, in my estimation (and that of several of my teammates, all of whom I understand have left since then) everything went to hell. The boss would take credit for our work, but was quick to mete out blame when things went wrong. It was the most miserable job I have ever had - working on a team with *no* morale is no fun. The boss even showed up to a going-away party *uninvited* and the departee and the boss (who were friends before the departee was hired) got into it in the resturaunt. It was not pretty.
This is not to say the people I worked with (other than my immediate boss) were terrible people to work with; I liked them rather a lot, and that's part of the reason I stuck my neck out and said there was a serious problem that needed to be fixed.
In the end, I opted for 3 months of unemployment as opposed to staying with the company. I was only asked to leave because I made waves about there being a problem - they were always happy with my work (I got good job performance reviews). Mr. Director said basically that he could lose one person or he could lose two people - and he assumed that when I told him I wasn't sure if I'd stay if he got rid of Mr. Boss that I was really saying that I'd leave. I would actually have stayed if Mr. Boss had left - but when it came down to it, it was a huge weight off my shoulders when I walked out of there for the last time, and I've never ever looked back.
Three months later, I landed a job through a contracting company with a Fortune 50 company. The F50 company bought out the contract before my first day on the job, and I spent 6 years there as a full-time employee. Got almost twice the money of the previous job (a very nice surprise in the offer letter). It was a good job until an opportunity at my current employer came up that I couldn't refuse.
From my own experience, dreading to get up and go into work is even worse than getting up and realizing that you're not collecting a paycheck. Even with mortgage payments being missed and the mortgage company threatening foreclosure, I'd take that over going back to the hell-hole of a job I worked in any day of the week.
About the only good thing to come out of the experience was that - as a technical instructor (something I regularly did for a couple years), I had plenty of good examples about how *not* to motivate people and how *not* to approach troubleshooting. There were some *really* bad techniques in use there.
Just remember this: Experience is what you get when you don't get what you wanted. You will walk away with something useful.
Insanity is a gradual process; don't rush it.
I just got fired and I am really excited about finding another job. Sure, I'd rather be one of those 'I have a job but I'm looking for a change' dillitants but it just didn't work out that way. As a developer, my next salary is almost certain to be higher than my last one, especially since I chose "happiness" over looking for a higher salary last time.
Now I'm unemployed, broke, and excited. I figure I have about 1.5 months before I have to tell my parents that I'm broke and unemployed. If the job market is anything like it was when I took my last job about a year ago then I should be fine. If not, then I'm F'ed in the A.
Either way I'm tired of being micromanaged to death by some incompetent piece of shit manager who wouldn't know good software development if it imed him several times a day trying to get him to at least micromanage him in the right direction.
A miserable job sucks ass. A terrible boss sucks ass. And don't kid yourself. That piece of shit will sell your ass out way before he accepts responsability for his terrible decisions. The only thing you can do is be extremely good at what you do.
I'll let you know how well this works out for me in 3 weeks as an AC first post.
There is no job that is fun. Why would employers pay people to work if it was fun and made people happy?
The people that tell you to "do what you love" and that you must be happy in your work are full of shit. Never depend on work for happiness. What makes you happy in life must be at home or outdoors and on your own time. Not work. Depending on work for happiness is just looking for trouble. (Trust me I know). It took me a long time to learn this lesson, I can save you the trouble.
Work is a way to get money, an artificially necessary evil in this world, nothing more. It is 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week that you can pretty much ignore and forget as long as the paychecks keep coming in.
All this touchy feely crap about "love what you do" and expecting work to make you happy in your life is for indoctrinated HR people (they need to believe that) and kept women, not for people in the real world.
Now, in your case it sounds like you simply do not like the neighborhood you live in and the job is fine, in which case move and take the bus to work so you can keep your contractual obligations. Because the most important thing in life is peace of mind where you live. (I learned this the hard way too) One must have peace at home or insanity will soon result.
Having what would once have been called a melancholic personality, and been through variations on your theme, a few thoughts:
Firstly, living in Upstate, half your problem at the moment may be simply that it's dark and cold this time of year. You need, seriously, to make an effort to get out and meet people, or at least be somewhere where people are having lives and demonstrating some kind of energy. If you're near where you went to college, and it's full of people from the City, then spending some time on the local coffee-house/gallery/bar scene isn't all bad, as long as you don't spend too much time with depressing and defeated locals. Don't be afraid of seeing a doctor, and checking into antidepressants either, if you're having motivational problems. Don't make your situation worse by letting a depressing gig depress you to the point you can't function, making the whole scene worse. There's a lot to be said for Upstate, including that while you can get to the City fairly easily, housing is cheap, and if you start a business, there are tax-favored zones and lots of available facilities at reasonable rates. Drag a couple more City-dwellers in on it, and you may get something rolling.
OTOH, it's time to start planning your next move. Moving is hard, staying put it easy, but some times it's time to go. Look for a new gig, plan your own business, become a contractor for a year (a former boss of mine, high in the University IT world, did that once for a couple years between director-level jobs at a pair of major private U's.) Whatever you do, unemployment is not cool, unless you really have a goal of becoming a downwardly-mobile slacker, ending up in a Van Down by the River. (and if you went to school where I suspect you did, the whole blasted county is going to flood when this snow melts anyway) Moving back in with your parents isn't either. I know people do it, but the only way to do it now is if you have a job, and you need a temporary crash spot that's within commuting distance of your job. The job had better be worth it, too. Partly you want to keep the habit of working, and partly you need to keep up public appearances that you're not a useless drain on society. Sharks are right; keep moving or else.
Finally, if you really can't make yourself find the good side of where you live, and you really need to live in the City, then go. I had a job for years that was a decent job in theory, but my coworkers and the commute were ruining my physical and mental health. Now I'm freezing in the dark of Upstate, but haven't been this contented in a decade. I'm an obligate East-coaster, and therefore can drive anywhere that I care about (City, Philly, Jersey Shore), in 3-5 hours, and still have access to the museums of Rochester/Syracuse, the Great Lakes, and the mountains. I spent too many years hating where I lived, and trying to convince myself that the job compensated. If you have this problem, then give it a real try, but admit that you may be, at least at this stage of your life, too acclimated to your own small piece of turf to be happy elsewhere. Make sure it's that, and not just post-graduation, "oh my god I've got to act like an adult now", but if it is, don't deny it.
Good luck.
the more accurate the calculations became, the more the concepts tended to vanish into thin air. R. S. Mulliken