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McCain Wants Ballmer For His Cabinet

Posted by kdawson on from the throwing-chairs-at-the-chinese dept.

While many people jumped all over presidential hopeful John McCain's wrong-headed view on network neutrality, few noticed his infuriating love for Microsoft. "[T]he 70 year old presidential hopeful also said that he would ask Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer to serve on his cabinet to deal with technology issues if elected. He did not however say what position Ballmer might be hired in, but did joke that he might consider him for a diplomatic position, such as ambassador to China."

31 of 431 comments (clear)

  1. Oh God by Ethelred+Unraed · · Score: 5, Funny

    But the comedy almost writes itself.

    Imagine Ballmer jumping around and screaming at cabinet meetings.

    Cheers,

    Ethelred

    --
    Everyone wants to be Ethelred. Even I want to be Ethelred.
    1. Re:Oh God by artemis67 · · Score: 2, Funny

      I hear the Monkey Boy dance is big in China...

    2. Re:Oh God by __aaclcg7560 · · Score: 5, Funny

      No wonder Dick Cheney kept Ballmer out of the current Administration. A shotgun weilding Vice President versus a chair throwing Ambassador would make for an interesting Sunday morning talk show routine.

    3. Re:Oh God by Rakshasa+Taisab · · Score: 4, Funny

      During the meetings, would he be continuously screaming "Politicians" three times in a row, or "Lobbyists"?

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      - These characters were randomly selected.
    4. Re:Oh God by random0xff · · Score: 2, Funny

      "Politicians, politicians, politicians..."

      or maybe

      "Lobyists, lobyists, lobyists"

    5. Re:Oh God by sokoban · · Score: 2, Funny

      Imagine Ballmer jumping around and screaming at cabinet meetings. As a chairman, he has excelled at throwing chairs, so I guess as a cabinet member he will excel at throwing dishes.
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      09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0 is the magic number.
    6. Re:Oh God by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

      Well the best thing about having Ballmer in the administration would be that it would be difficult to buy him off. Do you think he would even notice $9,000 from the RIAA? Or a lobbyist funded ski trip somewhere?

      I say Ballmer for President! No I'm kidding. We don't need him to say "Fucking Putin is a fucking pussy. I'm going to fucking bury that guy, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I'm going to fucking kill Russia."

    7. Re:Oh God by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

      Ex-KGB, martial artist, absolutely no morality, ruthless, has probably been behind numerous deaths... Yeah, dude's a wuss.

    8. Re:Oh God by TwoScoopsOfPig · · Score: 2, Funny

      Or he might throw the whole damned hutch! Imagine Ballmer a a state dinner. If he hit the waiter, it could mean the overthrow of Turkey, the downfall of Greece, and the breakup of China! The man's a war waiting to happen all on his own.

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      #include <disclaimer.h>
      #include <beer.h>
    9. Re:Oh God by Mjlner · · Score: 3, Funny

      Ex-KGB, martial artist, absolutely no morality, ruthless, has probably been behind numerous deaths... Yeah, dude's a wuss.

      Wow, I didn't know all that about Steve Ballmer! I suppose chair-throwing can be a martial art and given that he has threatened to fucking kill Google, I'm not surprised.
      ...But ex-KGB? Wait... You were talking about Steve Ballmer, weren't you?
      --
      Lemon curry???
    10. Re:Oh God by rasputin465 · · Score: 2, Funny

      Not that I expect a rational reply...

      reply = 2^0.5

      Damn, you were right!

  2. Ambassador to Vietnam by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    Revenge is sweet.

  3. His position would be obvious by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    He did not however say what position Ballmer might be hired in... Obviously, they would want him to be the chair
  4. It's an accident waiting to happen. Literally. by Rahga · · Score: 4, Funny

    Bill Gates may be chairman of Microsoft, but CEO Balmer is certainly a capable chair-man in his own right.... Please don't let Balmer anywhere near the Chief of Staff position.

  5. I can just see the official state banquet by antifoidulus · · Score: 3, Funny

    with Hu Jintao now:

    throws chopsticks

    SOY SAUCE! SOY SAUCE! SOY SAUCE!

    --
    Monstar L
  6. Well I guess that means... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

    that Ballmer finally gets his chair ...?

  7. Ballmer was overheard saying... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    "Fucking Hu Jintau is a fucking pussy. I'm going to fucking bury that guy, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I'm going to fucking kill China."

    1. Re:Ballmer was overheard saying... by hxnwix · · Score: 2, Funny

      Then his hands shot to Angela Merkel's shoulders, roughly kneading her skin as he likened Iraq to a bone that will not leave his mouth until he's done coming and coming and coming.

  8. His Position by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

    Would be Minister of Temper Tantrums.

  9. Politicians, politicians, politicians, politicians by wal9001 · · Score: 2, Funny

    Wooooooooooooo!!!! I have four words for you: Politicians, politicians, politicians, politicians, Politicians, politicians, politicians, politicians, Politicians, politicians, politicians, politicians, Politicians, politicians, politicians, politicians! Wooooooooooo!!! Maybe not the best choice for an important position...

  10. Re:clueless infatuation, convicted monopolist by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    and needs the kind of business ethics class that comes with steel bars on the door.

    Ballmer needs to be in a Zoo? But won't he scare the (other) monkeys?
  11. Re:I hate them both by chromatic · · Score: 2, Funny

    There were more than two presidential candidates on the 2004 ballot. I had a wide range of evil from which to choose!

    --
    how to invest, a novice's guide
  12. Re:I hate them both by cashman73 · · Score: 5, Funny
    I also see no value in voting for the lesser of two evils

    Why vote for the lesser of two evils. Write-in Cthulhu in 2008!

  13. Ballmer by MoeDrippins · · Score: 2, Funny

    > So a presidential hopeful wants somebody who at least knows how technology works to be a technology adviser?

    No, TFA says he wants Steve Ballmer.

    --
    Before you design for reuse, make sure to design it for use.
  14. The new McCain cabinet: by Alsee · · Score: 5, Funny

    Department of Health & Human Services: Josef Mengele
    Department of Defense: André Maginot
    Department of Energy: Kenneth Lay
    Department of Homeland Security: Osama bin Laden
    Department of Education: Terri Schiavo
    Department of Labor: Beevis
    Department of State: Butthead
    Department of Commerce: Karl Marx
    Department of State: Groucho Marx
    Department of the Treasury: Jesse James
    Department of Agriculture: William R. Simonson
    Department of the Interior: George Custer
    Office of National Drug Control Policy: Timothy Leary
    Environmental Protection Agency: Joseph Hazelwood
    Department of Transportation: Joseph Hazelwood
    Office of Management and Budget: Paris Hilton
    Department of Housing & Urban Development: John Spartan
    United States Trade Representative: John Rambo

    Oh yeah, and...
    Department of Justice: Alberto Gonzales

    -

    --
    - - You can't take something off the Internet! That's like trying to take pee out of a swimming pool.
  15. Cabinet? by iminplaya · · Score: 3, Funny

    How far can he throw one of those?

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    What?
  16. Re:Lies, not Truth, Appeal to the American Voter by ClosedSource · · Score: 5, Funny

    "Increasing the number of Western occupying soldiers to 400,000, .... will transform Iraq into a prosperous, liberal Western nation.

    Wow, it only takes 400,000 soldiers to move Iraq West? How many dump trucks does it take?

  17. Steve "Monkeyboy" Ballmer by alizard · · Score: 3, Funny

    and "Insane" McCain and the "Crazy Talk Express". . . a match made somewhere or other, I'm sure. They deserve each other.

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    Tech Public Policy stuff
  18. Oh well by jav1231 · · Score: 2, Funny

    Like I needed another reason to NOT vote for this egocentric attention whore? I meant McCain.

  19. Re:Lies, not Truth, Appeal to the American Voter by AdmiralWeirdbeard · · Score: 4, Funny

    Canada "liberated"? It was granted independence in a completely peaceful and orderly process. No shock and awe required.

    Actually they withheld cream and sugar when having the British Ambassador over for tea. He was both shocked and awed at the impropriety of it all. No amount of stammering, "Now listen here, old chap, this simply will not do," could conjure up the required accompaniments, and he was forced to telegraph home immediately recommending that such dastardly manners be answered with expulsion from The Empire.

    The rest of the world was like, "What the Fuck? Canada just got its independence now? That's stupid, why'd they bother after waiting so fucking long?"

    --
    Come read my stupid blagablog. Rants and Giggles
  20. Re:Lies, not Truth, Appeal to the American Voter by revengebomber · · Score: 5, Funny

    Wow, it only takes 400,000 soldiers to move Iraq West? How many dump trucks does it take?
    I think you could get it done faster with a series of tubes.
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