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Jeremy Allison On Why DRM Will Never Work

Posted by Zonk on from the we-come-in-peace-shoot-to-kill dept.

eldavojohn writes "At the ZDNet site, Jeremy Allison (a well-known employee of the Google corporation) goes on a hilarious rant against Digital Rights Management. He compares the access restriction technology with underwear gnomes & Star Trek while ending with: 'Believing in a DRM business model is like joining Star Fleet security, putting on your red shirt, and volunteering to beam down to the new unexplored planet with Kirk, Spock and McCoy. Someone will be coming back from that mission, it's just not likely to be the security guard. Always a true engineer, Scotty had the good sense to stay safely on board the ship.'"

24 of 366 comments (clear)

  1. As I'm sure all Slashdot readers will recall by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    When Scotty did go down to the planet in Wolf in the Fold (for strippers, as a good engineer should), he was accused of murder. Lesson learned!

    1. Re:As I'm sure all Slashdot readers will recall by monk.e.boy · · Score: 5, Funny

      When Scotty did go down to the planet in Wolf in the Fold (for strippers, as a good engineer should), he was accused of murder. Lesson learned!

      Yeah, it always seemed so unfair that he only got to enjoy some nekid flesh, when he could have gone on a wild prostitute sex and killing spree and be treated exactly the same.

      I think we all agree, on shore leave from Enterprise - just go for it!

      Cos, hey. Kirk has your back and he's got fucking proton torpedo's and an itchy trigger finger.

      monk.e.boy

      --
      Open source, flash charts
    2. Re:As I'm sure all Slashdot readers will recall by monk.e.boy · · Score: 5, Funny

      Kirk has your back and he's got fucking proton torpedo's and an itchy trigger finger. Actually, Luke Skywalker had the proton torpedos. Kirk had photon torpedos.

      Shit. I've been found out.

      Here, take my fake geek card and my thick glasses. I'll see myself out.

      monk.e.boy

      --
      Open source, flash charts
    3. Re:As I'm sure all Slashdot readers will recall by Captain+Splendid · · Score: 4, Funny

      Shit. I've been found out.

      Here, take my fake geek card and my thick glasses. I'll see myself out.

      monk.e.boy

      Hmmm, humility. The Force is strong with this one.

      --
      Linux, you magnificent bastard, I read the fucking manual!
    4. Re:As I'm sure all Slashdot readers will recall by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

      You're both wrong... Kirk had protEIN torpedos and wasn't afraid to use them.

  2. I resign by Carewolf · · Score: 4, Funny

    I know this was full of of nerdy references, and bashing evil stuff(tm), but I still didn't find it funny..

    So I will hand in my nerd license and resign.

    1. Re:I resign by mulvane · · Score: 5, Funny

      Pretty bad when you are a failure as a nerd. Is there anything left for you?

    2. Re:I resign by Don_dumb · · Score: 2, Funny

      It was a well written article but it wasn't funny, it certainly wasn't 'hilarious', unless you are the kind of nerds that tried to teach Homer nuclear physics.

      --
      If this were really happening, what would you think?
    3. Re:I resign by MontyApollo · · Score: 2, Funny

      The author's photo made it look like HE thought it was hilarious...

      Or maybe the Star Trek references were lowest common demoninator enough to get modded "hilarious" rather than "off-topic".

    4. Re:I resign by nschubach · · Score: 4, Funny

      Sports ...

      --
      Every time I start to have faith in humanity, I ruin it by driving to work between 7 and 8 am.
  3. Ensign Ricky is gonna get it. by UberHoser · · Score: 1, Funny

    Sorry could not resist.

    http://echosphere.net/star_trek_insp/insp_expendab ility.jpg

    http://echosphere.net/star_trek_insp/star_trek_ins p.html

    --
    Guns are for wimps... Use a crossbow.. this way you can pin them to their chair when you go postal.
  4. Ye cannae change the laws of Physics by 91degrees · · Score: 3, Funny

    I always felt this comment was a little rich coming from a series where spaceships travel using a magical warp drive, have inertial dampers that prevent acceleration and a device that allows them to teleport from one place to another.

    The whole premise is based on changing the laws of physics.

    1. Re:Ye cannae change the laws of Physics by plankrwf · · Score: 2, Funny

      It's physics, Jim, but not as we know it.

  5. All together Now!! by Spritzer · · Score: 2, Funny

    Time to go to work. Code all night. Building DRM, hey. We won't stop until we have DRM. Yum tum yummy tum tay!

  6. Re:deja vu? by gEvil+(beta) · · Score: 1, Funny

    Actualy if you search for "DRM" on /. you get Manny simular results.

    Who's Manny?

    --
    This guy's the limit!
  7. Hilarity ensues... by 4D6963 · · Score: 3, Funny

    He compares the access restriction technology with underwear gnomes

    Step 1 : Make an underpants gnomes reference
    Step 2 : ???
    Step 3 : Hilarity

    --
    You just got troll'd!
  8. Re:deja vu? by ericrost · · Score: 2, Funny

    You must be new here :)

    --
    My Babylon
  9. Re:deja vu? by saintm · · Score: 1, Funny

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manny_Calavera

    What a guy!

  10. Meanwhile, aboard the Enterprise... by Billosaur · · Score: 4, Funny

    Kirk: Uhura, can you patch into their signal?

    Uhura: I'm trying, sir, but they're using some sort of signal encryption...

    Kirk: Mr. Spock, analysis.

    Spock [leaning over viewer]: It appears to be a primitive form of encryption, Captain. It will only take me a few moments to break it.

    Uhura: Sir, we're getting a signal from the alien ship.

    Kirk: On audio, Lieutenant.

    Voice: This is the RIAA vessel Enforcer ordering you to cease and desist your efforts to break our encryption. Our signals belong to us and you have not paid the appropriate fees to access them. Cease immediately or we will be forced to beam our lawyers aboard your ship!

    --
    GetOuttaMySpace - The Anti-Social Network
  11. Re:Working DRM, not from start trek by ajs318 · · Score: 2, Funny

    I invented something like that when I was 8 years old. It consisted of unscrewing the shell of a cassette, mounting a small piece of ceramic magnet somewhere downstream of the sound head and replacing the screws. The tape could be listened exactly once; on its journey to the take-up spool, it rubbed against the magnet, which realigned the magnetic fields of the ferric oxide molecules uniformly. When rewound, it was all quiet.

    Unfortunately, there was one tiny flaw in this plan. And I sincerely hope I do not have to point out to anyone here what that flaw was.

    --
    Je fume. Tu fumes. Nous fûmes!
  12. Nah, they just made some s**t up by frogstar_robot · · Score: 2, Funny

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03E68F6599Q

  13. Re:dear media middlemen: by Stanistani · · Score: 2, Funny

    On June 7th, 2007, the National Internet Safety Month resolution is passed. The Internet becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, June 8th. In a panic, the RIAA and MPAA try to pull the plug...

    --
    You can't talk about Wikipedia's flaws on Wikipedia
  14. Only in Canada, eh? by weenie510 · · Score: 3, Funny

    Claiming that [DRM] can ever be made secure ... is like believing you can create a secure bank vault by drawing chalk lines on the pavement, piling the money inside and asking customers to "respect these boundaries".

    That might work in Canada. How do you get a bunch of Canadians out of a swimming pool? "Excuse me, would everyone please get out of the pool?"

  15. Re:The bigger issue by Jeremy+Allison+-+Sam · · Score: 2, Funny

    Thanks for picking up on this :-). That is the real worry for me.

    I come from a place that completely lost its manufacturing base,
    and the results aren't pretty.

    As my brother says of the new service economy, "never mind, we'll
    all sell each other haircuts over the Internet."

    Jeremy.