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What Happened Before the Big Bang?

Posted by ScuttleMonkey on from the why-not-just-invent-a-time-machine dept.

The Bad Astronomer writes to tell us that a recent advance in Loop Quantum Gravity theory appears to allow the mathematics of cosmology to be extended to the time before the Universe underwent the Big Bang. Bad Astronomer also attempts to simplify things a bit with his own explanation of the new discovery.

24 of 394 comments (clear)

  1. Easy by voice_of_all_reason · · Score: 4, Funny

    The big foreplay.

    Come on, what do you think, the universe is a whore?

    1. Re:Easy by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      No, but life's a bitch.

    2. Re:Easy by elrous0 · · Score: 5, Funny

      Before the big bang? That was back when God was in college. He totally meant to create the universe--but he was having problems with his girlfriend, his parents were giving him all kinds of shit, his weed connection got busted by the cops, and his humanities professor was riding his ass about that late paper. He finally did get his shit together and did the whole "let there be light" thing, though. Hey, we've all been young, right?

      --
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    3. Re:Easy by glindsey · · Score: 4, Funny

      humanities professor was riding his ass about that late paper

      Considering God had yet to create humans, this was a particularly difficult paper to write.

    4. Re:Easy by laejoh · · Score: 1, Funny

      He finally did get his shit together and did the whole "let there be light" thing, though.

      I'm sure you meant to say:

      He finally did get his shit together and did the whole "let there be a midget" thing.

      I forgive you,

      Ramen

    5. Re:Easy by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Funny

      I can't believe that. If God was a student, he wouldn't have taken six days to create the world and then rested on the seventh, he'd have spent six days partying, half the seventh hung over and stayed up all night to get it finished.

  2. Well, the last thing said before was... by Critical+Facilities · · Score: 5, Funny

    "Hey guys, watch this"

  3. There was the sound of God asking for my zippo by Timesprout · · Score: 1, Funny

    so he could light the fuse on his latest science project

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    1. Re:There was the sound of God asking for my zippo by MarkGriz · · Score: 1, Funny

      So basically, the universe is just one giant flaming God fart?

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  4. Everyone knows.... by Himring · · Score: 3, Funny

    Everyone knows that just before the big bang, chuck norris was launching a roundhouse kick....

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  5. The punchline by Spy+der+Mann · · Score: 4, Funny

    These theories may seem like mumbo-jumbo or magic, but they have that very basic property of science: they're testable.

    As a science-loving person, I almost fell in ecstasy by just reading this sentence. It really gets things straight regarding religious fanboyism. So "eat that, Intelligent Design".

    Ahh... saying that felt so good.

  6. You mean... by grub · · Score: 5, Funny


    "What Happened 6001 Years Ago?"
    Fixed that for you.

    --
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  7. Re:I'll tell you what happened by Spy+der+Mann · · Score: 2, Funny

    I posted first

    I thought Greedo posted first! You know, maybe it's the Big Bang special edition :P

  8. No Before by WED+Fan · · Score: 2, Funny

    There is no "before".

    There has to be a big bang to have a "before big bang".

    Now, 6000 years ago, roughly, God spoke and the Universe lept into being.

    All you techno-geeks need to accept that. Put away your computers. I have. I stopped using computers because they are the "Beast" (Beast is a Trademark of the RMS Corporation, a wholly, and holy, owned subsidary of FOSS, owners of the GNUniverse).

    God will smite you computer using disbelievers for not accepting the 6000 year Universe. Your only salvation is to face Kentucky and believe.

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  9. What happened before the big bang? by jollyreaper · · Score: 4, Funny

    Dinner, a movie, and a whole lotta wine. Giggity-giggity-goo!

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  10. ereh ees ot gnihtoN by mypalmike · · Score: 3, Funny

    .gnola evom esaelP

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  11. Re:But time doesn't exists yet by a-zarkon! · · Score: 2, Funny

    There is an alternate theory that brings up two big questions: 1) Where did the Great Green Arkleseizure come from? 2) How much time do we have until the coming of the handkerchief.

  12. ob by edittard · · Score: 2, Funny

    A load of turtles had a big argument about which one was going at the bottonm of the pile?

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  13. So Douglas Adams was right... by Dekortage · · Score: 2, Funny

    The universe DOES recreate itself, each time stranger than before...

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  14. Before the Big Bang? by Greyfox · · Score: 1, Funny
    I think it went something like this:

    "What's THIS button do?"

    --

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  15. obDrWho by Rob+T+Firefly · · Score: 2, Funny

    People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect. But actually, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly... timey-wimey... stuff.

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  16. Re:But time doesn't exists yet by IdleTime · · Score: 1, Funny

    You mean 9 x 6...

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  17. Re:But time doesn't exists yet by Short+Circuit · · Score: 2, Funny

    54? Methinks you meant 6 * 7.

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  18. So God Does Too Play Dice by Kozar_The_Malignant · · Score: 4, Funny
    From TFA:

    >One implication of this "cosmic forgetfulness," as Bojowald calls it, is that history does not repeat itself-the fundamental properties of the current era of the universe are different from the last, Bojowald explained. "It's as if the universe forgot some of its properties and acquired new properties independent of what it had before," he told SPACE.com.

    So not only does God play dice, but He re-rolls to get a better attribute set.

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