Can You Handle 'THEY'?

In a refreshing turn, over at Newsweek's LevelUp blog N'Gai has some suitably chastising commentary on the newly-announced FPS entitled simply THEY. This overly-simplistic name is accompanied by a nearly informationless press release, and reinforces the idea that whatever THEY is, it's not worth looking into. "Generally, the role of a press release is to inform. But having read the THEY press release, all we've taken away from it is hyperbole and buzzwords, assembled Mad Libs-style for maximum unintended hilarity. What is THEY? Apparently, THEY is a 'next generation mystery first person shooter for PC and next generation consoles.' Who are THEY, you ask? ''THEY' are huge--'THEY' are different--'THEY' are hostile!' How good will THEY be? It's 'so mysterious, so stunning and so amazing--that 'THEY' might become one of the most anticipated world premiere titles from this year's Games Convention!'"

Comments

From the makers of...

[Senjutsu]

gabbo Gabbo GABBO

Features?

[Paktu]

From the feature list: unique weapon system that makes you "love" your weapons what the fuck does that mean?

Re:Features?

[dr_strang]

From the feature list: unique weapon system that makes you "love" your weapons what the fuck does that mean?

If it means what it sounds like it means, that's seriously creepy.

Re:Features?

[Kesch]

This is my BFG. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
My BFG is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.
My BFG, without me, is useless. Without my BFG, I am useless. I must fire my BFG true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will...
My BFG and myself know that what counts in this war is not the rounds we fire, the noise of our burst, nor the smoke we make. We know that it is the hits that count. We will hit...
My BFG is human, even as I, because it is my life. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weaknesses, its strengths, its parts, its accessories, its sights and its barrel. I will ever guard it against the ravages of weather and damage as I will ever guard my legs, my arms, my eyes and my heart against damage. I will keep my BFG clean and ready. We will become part of each other. We will...
Before God, I swear this creed. My BFG and myself are the defenders of my country. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of my life...
So be it, until victory is humanity's and there is no enemy, but peace!

Nothing to see here

[quarrel]

Is there much point in posting a /. article, trying to inform your fellow geeks, that there is something they've never heard of, and it looks like it isn't worth paying any attention to?

I already know there is lots of useless crap in the world that I'm not interested in. Tell me about things that ARE interesting.

--Q

Re:Nothing to see here

[Observador]

I happen to remember that many, many, many years ago some magazine editor decided to rag on some company that had sent the magazine some doodads. The doodads weren't even promoting a game! Instead they were announcing the creation of a new videogame company. The doodad was actually a knick knack with a bloody brain in it (or something like that) with the name of the company printed visibly on it. For some reason this irked the game magazine editor, and he proceeded to expound, on said magazine's editorial, on how gimmicky the whole affair was, and what a loser of a company this was going to be.

For some reason, Croal's post reminded me of that editorial... And I will tell you this: PR is PR, that's why we have hot babes selling beer and spam emails to make our dicks longer. But in the end, the game will stand alone and speak for itself, gamers will either love it or hate it.

You see, that company the magazine editor ragged on? A couple of years later it went on to release Grand Theft Auto for the PS2, and arguably single-handedly brought open-ended sandbox gaming to the masses...

And then...

[Fallen Kell]

...'THEY' will be soon forgotten...

Re:Another movie license game?

[westlake]

based on the 2002 horror film titled They

Production Costs $17 million
Theatrical Gross $13 million

Amazon.com Sales Rank: #43,832 in DVD

a low budget, high-concept, Lovecraftian horror flick that still managed to lose money.

Sigh...

[dyslexicbunny]

Title: THEY
Platforms: PC & next generation console
Release date: 2008/2009
Genre: First person mystery shooter
Scenario: Near Future
* next generation 3D engine
* unique weapon system that makes you "love" your weapons
* mysterious science fiction background story
* diversified enemies--thrilling and intelligent
* heroes to identify with
* heavy usage of physics
* destructible environment relevant for gameplay
* haunting single player mode
* versatile multiplayer modes

Honestly, this pretentious crap needs to end. This doesn't make me want to purchase or play the game. Sure it's an announcement but honestly, every single buzzword is touted for every FPS game when they come out. Besides, it looks like a third-grader wrote this for a book report and copied the box on game. It provides just enough information to sound real but not enough to be useful, like this up and coming game from downtown ATL.

Title: Protecting and Analyzing the Next-gen Transportation System (PANTS)
Platforms: PC & next generation console
Release date: 2008/2009
Genre: First person strategy thriller
Scenario: Present Time
* next generation 3D engine
* unique tactics system that makes you "love" planning
* politically-charged background story
* diversified citizens--pissed off and delayed
* support characters with realistic backgrounds
* mild usage of physics
* adaptive environment relevant for gameplay
* intellectually challenging single player mode
* variety of multiplayer modes

In Soviet Russia

[Provocateur]

THEY can handle YOU

just to get that out of the way. And for once, the grammar nazis won't even wince.

Obligatory 80's reference.

[dannycim]

...''THEY' are huge ...

The might be giants? ::ducks::