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Dvorak Says gPhone is Doomed

Posted by Zonk on from the that's-doom-ed dept.

drewmoney writes "Speaking with his usual frustrated crankiness John Dvorak rants his way through an article explaining why the gPhone will never work. 'First of all, it wants to put Google search on a phone. It wants to do this because it is obvious to the folks at Google that people need to do Web searches from their phone, so they can, uh, get directions to the restaurant? Of course, they can simply use the phone itself to call the restaurant and ask! I've actually used various phones with Web capability. They never work right. They take forever to navigate. It's hard to read the screens ... I also hope that people note the fact that the public has not been flocking to smartphones of any sort.' "

17 of 454 comments (clear)

  1. Really? by cmdrpaddy · · Score: 5, Funny

    So it's a guaranteed success then?

    1. Re:Really? by semiotec · · Score: 5, Insightful

      I don't bother to read Dvorak anymore, since I always feel dumber aftewards, so I have no idea how good are his predictions or if they are so bad they are guaranteed to be wrong (anti-prediction, in a sense).

      but his gripe about not able to read web content on phones is really just a problem of people not generating format for phone use. He should spend a few weeks or months in Japan and use their system.

    2. Re:Really? by Ngarrang · · Score: 5, Insightful

      I am surprised, frankly, that anyone still reads Dvorak's drunken ramblings. He is like the Jerry Springer of the computer world.

      --
      Bearded Dragon
    3. Re:Really? by sqrt(2) · · Score: 5, Insightful

      He gets paid to make ridiculous, outrageous and often times completely asinine claims based on speculation for the purpose of attracting viewers so ads can be sold. He does his job well. Also people are really good at remembering the hits and forgetting the misses, if he ever actually gets one right that's all you're going to hear about him, not the hundreds of things he's been wrong on.

      --
      If you build it, nerds will come. Soylentnews.org
    4. Re:Really? by AmaDaden · · Score: 5, Interesting

      Nah, Google is the new Apple. This is just one part of his classic formula. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAWDYaWAVQQ. For all the Dvorak haters listen to an ep of Twit http://www.twit.tv/ with him. He's not stupid, he is just on an endless quest for numbers. You'll start to like him if you do what I do. Just think of him like the old uncle at the family reunions that just hates everything. "Bah! The Google phone will never work! You damn kids with your Web 2.0!" "Oh uncle Dvorak..."

    5. Re:Really? by Matt+Perry · · Score: 5, Interesting

      He is like the Jerry Springer of the computer world.
      Indeed. He's already admitted on camera that he purposely baits people to get more web hits.
      --
      Slashdot: Failed Car Analogies. Amateur Lawyering. Anecdote Battles.
    6. Re:Really? by Brickwall · · Score: 5, Insightful

      Totally agree with the "crappy little screen" comment. I have a Nokia phone that supposedly has web access, but the damn thing, while letting me put all kinds of pretty colours and ring tones on it, won't let me adjust the damn font size. I'm 51, and my eyesight is getting progressively worse, but Nokia seems to think that 8 point fonts - and white outline fonts on a cream background, for crissake - are going to be perfectly legible to me. Hint: they are not, and it's a pain in the ass to have to haul out my reading glasses every time I want to make a phone call. Surfing the web with it is just not on; too slow, too hard to read, too infuriating an experience.

      --
      What was once true, is no longer so
  2. Dvorak by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Man, ever since he came out with that keyboard, he's a know it all.

    1. Re:Dvorak by tomzyk · · Score: 5, Funny

      Yeah. He should take the hint and do like Bob Qwerty did and just keep a low profile for the rest of his life...

      --
      Karma: NaN
  3. gPhone != Itanium by downix · · Score: 5, Insightful

    His first arguement is that the gPhone is like Itanium, with wide industry support. Well, that depends on a few things:

    1) will it arrive years late?
    2) will it perform as promised or be lackluster?
    3) will it shoot google's existing product lineup in the foot?

    I don't think these three will occur.

    --
    Karma Whoring for Fun and Profit.
  4. Re:Doomed for another reason... by FrankSchwab · · Score: 5, Insightful

    Stop pissing all over someone else's attempt to build something, and go make something new yourself.
    Damned armchair inventors, entrepreneurs, and capitalists.
    hrumph.

    --
    And the worms ate into his brain.
  5. On the subject of tags by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Interesting

    I see that one of the tags for this story is "noob". And it occurs to me; we need a disparaging name for someone who is just no longer in the loop. noob doesn't do it because that implies that the person is just new to the game but may get there with time. Dvorak often seems like someone who was there but isn't with it anymore.

    1. Re:On the subject of tags by NatasRevol · · Score: 5, Funny

      How about
      'Dvork'
      'Dveeb'
      'Dvumb'
      'Dvick'
        or just simply
      Dvorak?

      --
      There are two types of people in the world: Those who crave closure
  6. Rly by ackthpt · · Score: 5, Insightful

    So it's a guaranteed success then?

    So John says nobody is flocking to smart-phones, ergo Google is d00med to failure. Gosh. Maybe it's because the other smartphones didn't have something Google's will. I seem to recall many phones which played music and did a variety of other tasks not going anywhere until Apple launched the iPhone.

    --

    A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
    1. Re:Rly by AKAImBatman · · Score: 5, Funny

      It's scary how much this:

      "First of all, it wants to put Google search on a phone. It wants to do this because it is obvious to the folks at Google that people need to do Web searches from their phone, so they can, uh, get directions to the restaurant? Of course, they can simply use the phone itself to call the restaurant and ask!"

      Sounds like the parody I did of Dvorak a while back:

      "Starbucks needs drive-up windows because they are planning to bring that same environment to your vehicle! That's right, Starbucks wants to give you that same coffee-saturated, easy listening, comfortable seating feeling you get in their stores, but in your car. [...] Starbucks is going to make cars."

      --
      Javascript + Nintendo DSi = DSiCade
  7. Re:Is it just me.. by ackthpt · · Score: 5, Funny

    or does every time Dvorak speak about something, it sounds like the ramblings of an old crazy homeless man...

    Some people love attention and once they get it will rattle off whatever is on their minds. Other people (media) will actually record these ramblings and present them as news in the hopes others will read their content, then flip to the ads and give business to one of their advertisers.

    Worst of all, onece it makes it to slashdot, someone will do this:

    In Soviet Russia phone dooms YOU!

    And hopefully that's were it all ends, but you never know, it may be picked up by 60 minutes or 20/20 and go on from there.

    --

    A feeling of having made the same mistake before: Deja Foobar
  8. Entertainment by handy_vandal · · Score: 5, Funny

    He gets paid to make ridiculous, outrageous and often times completely asinine claims based on speculation for the purpose of attracting viewers so ads can be sold.

    In other words, he's somewhere between Fox News and World Wrestling Entertainment.

    -kgj

    --
    -kgj