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Microsoft Will Stream Ads To Grocery Carts
dptalia writes "Later this year, at ShopRite supermarkets in the eastern US, Microsoft will be rolling out computerized shopping carts. These carts will allow people with a ShopRite card to enter their shopping list on the ShopRite site from home, and then pull up the list on their grocery cart when they swipe their card. The new carts will also display advertisements depending on where in the supermarket the cart is, using RFID technology to help locate it."
If these fucking things make the slightest bit of noise, I swear I'm going to light it on fire, and start growing my own food.
Couldn't have said it better myself.
Amazes me, the shit that people will support. Give them a credit card and they'll buy their own golden cage and cheerfully lock themselves inside.
ObCaptcha: "Stress".
So now when I put stump remover and sugar together on my list I gaurantee I'm gonna be put on some sort of terrorist list (cuz you can make a bomb out of that). Not to mention any other privacy concerns. I don't even want someone to so much as see my list before I get there. They'd have to password it. Then people forget their passwords. Or someone rigs it to record your password. Then you can't log in to your cart cuz the system is down and you have no idea what you were supposed to buy. I can only imagine how many rings of hell it would be to have Walmart employees support that high tech of a system.
Google's Super Secret Search Algorithm: SELECT @search_results FROM internet WHERE @search_results = 'good'
...just pick the shopping card displaying the Blue Screen of Death.
Actually, given how shopping carts are treated (banged around the parking lot, slammed around by the cart-pushers, left in the rain, cleaned with a high-pressure hose), I suspect quite a few of these will be broken shortly after introduction.
Now you can have a shopping cart thats wired for the internet.
Sorry about the writing. Robot fingers, you know? Cliff Steele in DOOM PATROL #23
Hmm... Just what I always wanted.
So the shopping cart will beg me to buy something as I go near it.
My daughter already does this for me. I am good.
Enter list online and have the cart calculate the shortest distance to each item in the store based on its current location
Finally! I was getting sick of only experiencing advertisements on television, radio, newspapers, magazines, websites, video games, Tivo menus, Xbox 360 menus, Comcast guide screens, airplane TVs, billboards, T-shirts, sweatshirts, hoodies, movies, movie theater lobbies, stock cars, buses, bus stops, park benches, taxicabs, license plate holders, restrooms, posters on airport and train station walls, checkout lanes, grocery carts*, and shaved into the back of the occasional head.
Thank GOD somebody has found a way to exploit this obvious adver-hole in our lives. But this is only the beginning, dammit. I want my dishwasher to leave streaks on my dishes in the shape of a Whirlpool logo. Red traffic lights should be replaced with reminders that Goodyear tires would help you stop more quickly, and green with reminders to buy Amoco Ultimate gasoline. Each light bulb should cast the logo and name of a popular pharmaceutical against the floor, ceiling, or wall (talk to your doctor about it!). When I'm calling somebody on the phone, I shouldn't have to listen to some boring "ring" sound -- not when I could hear about the virtues of Domino's pizza! We must not rest until every single person is being sold something every second of every minute of every hour of every day from every square meter of the globe. Together, we can do it.
This message brought to you by The Association of National Advertisers. Raping your eyes and ears, over and over, and you can't stop it.(tm)
* Static photos already there -- obviously insufficient
The best thing to do in such a letter is to be polite, precise, and calm. Insulting them or railing at them will just make them throw your letter away. Here's a sample letter, feel free to mangle it to your needs:
"I'm a long-time customer at Shell, and I almost always get my gas there (at your Main Street location in Los Santos) because it's so convenient for my drive to work. But ever since those flat-panel TVs have been installed out in the pump area, it's nearly unbearable to pump gas. Not only is the audio loud and distracting, but the TVs seem to cause people to take significantly longer to pump their gas (they just stand around staring at the TVs), meaning I end up waiting to get gas. As a result I've decided to start getting my gas at [insert local independent gas station here]. Maybe if the TVs are removed I might come back to Shell, but for now it's just not worth it.
Sincerely, Soandso"
And be sure you do this on PAPER, signed in pen, and mailed to their corporate headquarters. From a customer-service standpoint, this is the kind of letter companies tend to love, because 1) it's not insulting, rude, demanding, or insane; and 2) it provides actual useful feedback from actual customers. As a bonus, sometimes companies will send you free stuff, or gift certificates, or coupons, or whatever, usually worth more than the letter cost you to write and mail
"Destroy science and religion. Science would re-emerge exactly the same; but not religion." - Penn Jillette, paraphrased
Customers with a ShopRite loyalty card will be able to log into a Web site at home and type in their grocery lists; when they get to the store and swipe their card on the MediaCart console, the list will appear.
..will appear on the screen for all to see, yay! I can't wait until people take peeks at my grocery list on my hi-tech shopping cart.
-Strawberries.. Check
-Whipped cream.. Check
-Cucumbers.. Check
-Whiskey.. Check
-Vaseline.. Check
-Bullwhip.. Check
-Laxative suppositories.. Check
-Making people who read my grocery list look embarrassed.. Check
You just got troll'd!
Microsoft gives us an annoying shopping cart.
Fiat Homos et Pereat Theos
I would also add (to your letter) that you used to get your morning coffee, pack of cigarettes and package of decongestant there every morning as well. Profit margins on gasoline are actually surprisingly low; retail locations rely on those ridiculously marked-up impulse buys, mostly made by the morning/evening commuter. Prepay (pay inside, then pump) at gas stations was not instituted because a few jerk-offs gas-n-go. They want those cash customers in the selling environment! Either skip to the last paragraph for the point, or allow me to elaborate:
Mega chain retailers, gas stations included, rely on conformity to "plan-o-grams," actual required product placement blueprints, at which the minimum-wage dregs while away the hours in some attempt to conform. The aspirin goes near the coffee and next to the gum, because the hangover crowd will be there in the morning. Useless crap lead-containing toys are placed at knee-level next to the lines for the registers, because the little scamps will invariably demand the purchase of such items, just when impatient mommy has her wallet out--that is if the yuppie parents of said scamps have not left them in a still-running, unlocked car in an unattended parking lot. The tire gauges are near the motor oil, but just around the bend from the tampons; men buy them (both even), but single moms concerned about highway safety do as well. The expensive cigarette lighters are on the counter for easy theft, but the equally capable ones are behind it, hidden, where they are only stolen by employees. You practically trip over Red Bull and Coca-Cola on the way in, but god help you to find the generic cola. Just scratching the surface here, but you get my drift.
These plan-o-grams change frequently, as trends are explored and exploited. The monitors are another campaign in the impulse buy campaign, and I have only addressed gas (petrol) stations. I have multiple experiences as a retail manager, and as a gas station employee, and I am somewhat fascinated by these ploys.
Moving to other sellers, specifically electronics.... Next Christmas, or at any competitive sale time, closely examine the "loss leaders" employed by retailers. The idea is this: sell item X at near or below cost, knowing that it will trigger increased revenue from accessory items Y and Z, either instantly via the marketing miracle of "batteries not included" or continuously via "games sold separately." Barbies need outfits. Xboxen require games. My favorite, from my Radio $hack days, was to sell the remote control car at my cost exactly (which I revealed), so that I could easily demand that the poor sucker dad buy two rechargeable batteries (gotta have a spare, especially at well over 90% margin) and all the 9-volts he could carry (insane low cost, insane standard market price fixing), all the while coming out smelling like a rose. This is standard procedure, so you know the more devious schemes are way more insulting, such as video screens on your shopping cart.
As for grocery stores, we have always realized that kid cereal is on the bottom, bargain cereal is at waist level and receives limited shelf real estate, and that premium cereal is highlighted with "sale pricing" (also known as standard mark-up) and is at shoulder level, as far as the eye can see. Frankly, grocers endure painfully low profit margin percentages, but thankfully for them, humans cannot live without food (particularly for rural markets, the choke price for milk and bread can get pretty ridiculous). Closely examine the items in the advertisement from week to week. When ground beef is on sale, regularly priced hamburger buns are generously placed right in the meat market, with a slammin' pyramid of regularly priced ketchup and pickle slices opposing; lettuce and onions are not on special either. The same gas station methods are employed at the registers, and it is no accident that toys and school supplies come right after cereal, aisle-wise. You'll also notice t
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