Online Parent-Child Gap Widens

The Secret to Raising Smart Kids writes "A new study by Dafna Lemish from the Department of Communication at Tel Aviv University has found that there is an enormous gap between what parents think their children are doing online and what is really happening. 'The data tell us that parents don't know what their kids are doing,' says Lemish. The study found that 30% of children between the ages of 9 and 18 delete the search history from their browsers in an attempt to protect their privacy from their parents, that 73% of the children reported giving out personal information online while the parents of the same children believed that only 4% of their children did so, and that 36% of the children admitted to meeting with a stranger they had met online while fewer than 9% of the parents knew that their children had been engaging in such risky behavior. Lemish advises that parents should give their children the tools to be literate Internet users and most importantly, to talk to their children. 'The child needs similar tools that teach them to be [wary] of dangers in the park, the mall or wherever. The same rules in the real world apply online as well.'"

Comments

Hmm?

[JKConsult]

Only 4% of parents think their child has given out personal information online, but 8+% (the only thing I can think from the way the summary puts it) believe their child has physically met a stranger they had met online? Is it just me, or is this backwards at best?

Re:Hmm?

[Anonymous Coward]

Possibly backwards. What I want to know, and what the study doesn't provide, is an answer to this question:

How many 'strangers online' did kids meet that were their own age?

I'm sorry, but yes there are sicko pedophiles out there that will use the 'Net as a chance to meet your kid to molest it. But there are far MORE kids that want to meet the kids they hang out with online. It's part of that whole 'I have friends online' thing that some people think is hogwash.

Yes. I have friends online. Friends that I have never met. Why are they my friends? Because I've known them for 1+ year and we hear each others troubles and joys. It's like a Pub/Bar buddy. But with less drinking usually.

And considering how much computers are now a part of the newest generations lives, it wouldn't surprise me if more and more people hang out with the people they met online in real life.

Re:Hmm?

[plover]

And considering how much computers are now a part of the newest generations lives, it wouldn't surprise me if more and more people hang out with the people they met online in real life.

My youth was spent hanging out with friends I met online, and we're still friends. As a matter of fact I met my wife on line 27 years ago. There's nothing wrong with meeting new friends who share your interests, and on-line is a great way for those friendships to happen.

The whole 'pedophile' thing makes the nightly news because it's shocking and sells advertisements, not because it's commonplace. Even a tiny bit of common sense exercised by a parent is usually enough to keep their kids safe.

Re:Hmm?

[plover]

Exactly! It "seems" to be an epidemic because of the reporting. Do they report how many kids of the appropriate age are trying to make contact? In the context of all online meetings, though, what percent do predator-child contacts represent? 0.01% 1% 10%?

And I'm not suggesting recklessness, such as a parent letting an unknown 45 year old man drive off with their 13 year old daughter, or letting a 9 year old use IRC unsupervised. But even a small amount of parenting will teach most kids to avoid these sorts of situations, to meet people in a public place, or to have a bit of skepticism.

Re:Hmm?

[Ignis Flatus]

you make a good point. for some reason, even in our "enlightened" equal-rights-for-the-sexes age, we still treat the girls like half-retarded children. case in point, that boy in Georgia that was prosecuted for getting a blowjob from a teenage girl. iirc, she was about 15, old enough to know what she was doing. if underage sex is illegal, then she should have been prosecuted, too. but yet, girls never get prosecuted. if they get pregnant, we reward them.

now, i'm not saying we should treat sex between young people as a criminal act, but... we can't keep treating females as feeble-minded victims. if anything, their social intelligence is much higher than the boys, and we have every reason to expect them to be accountable for their actions.

Re:Hmm?

[matria]

And I find that Israeli parents are extremely lax with their children. It is not at all uncommon to see kindergarden aged children running around the neighborhood at 11 pm. Truancy and school dropout rates are very high since nobody really makes the kids go to school. Schools are by-and-large zoos with no classroom discipline at all. I know several teachers from the US who quit teaching in disgust because they couldn't teach anything under those conditions. Late at night, 1 or 2 am, there are gangs of teenagers of various ages roaming the streets making noise and throwing beer bottles around. I've seen younger children playing a game where they take turns running and throwing a bottle as far as they can up the sidewalk, to see who gets the farthest scattering of glass, and nobody bats an eyelash. A young child was riding his tricycle up and down the isles of the supermarket, and when one elderly lady complained, was herself scolded by the store manager "he's only a child". Neighbor kids ripped all the wire netting off my garden fence to make birdcages with, and their parents got mad at me when I went to recover the netting. So I don't find this surprising at all.

Risky Behavior

[Kryptonian Jor-El]

36% admitted to meeting strangers?? Risky Business? I call bull

When they say stranger, they mean...ANYONE THE KID HASNT MET BEFORE.

Damn media blows the whole "online predator" shit way out of proportion. The same kids that meet 45 yr old men are the same ones that would get into a van because the guy offered them candy.

Protect the children my ass. Just makes politicians look good

Re:Risky Behavior

[trytoguess]

Eh, I agree. I've met a fair amount of strangers as a kid via online contacts. Course, it was always in a public space, usually with friends, and occasionally said person would be approved by someone else I knew. I mean I wasn't a smart kid or anything, but I've been drilled on the whole don't trust strangers thing to have a decent idea of how to meet one. This isn't to say that everyone will act like I did, but imo the simple act of meeting a new person isn't going to necessarily hurt a child/teen. Most people are decent enough for that.

The Internet is Like Television

[Crypto Gnome]

Parents think they can sit their kids down in front of "the box" and let it do their parenting for them.

Then they want to "blame society" when their kids turn out to be basically "white trash" or whatever.

Here's a clue folks, if you don't actively "parent your kids", your kids will end up being hopeless lowlife clueless losers.

You don't have to give out your info to hook up

[_merlin]

Not really. You could meet up with someone you met online without giving them any personal info. Use an alias, don't tell them your address or anything. Just say where to meet and what you'll be wearing. But it's kinda weird that parents think that their kids will be prudent enough to play the game carefully like that. If a kid was meeting a stranger that they got acquainted with online, I expect they probably would've given out personal info at some time. But what do I know? I'm just an out-of-touch adult and Slashdot reader.

Age range is too wide?

[Nemilar]

There's a pretty big difference between a 9 year old and an 18 year old, especially when it comes to what they should/should not be doing online.

For example, deleting your search history? The nine year old hasn't really got anything to be doing that for; the 18 year old may be googling about any number of things he/she doesn't want her parent to be aware of: sex education (protection, diseases, etc), boyfriends/girlfriends, etc.. Teenagers are especially protective of their privacy.

Giving out personal information online, i.e, signing up for things, is something 18 year olds may do every day, while a 9 year old shouldn't be doing it at all. Myspace, anyone? (Although the 4% response by parents make me think they don't know what's required to sign up for a lot of these things, or the type of information you post to facebook.)

Meeting with someone you met online is risky business no matter what age you are; a 9-year-old certainly shouldn't be doing at all, but hopefully the 18-year-olds aren't dumb enough to meet a stranger at his/her house, or in a dark alley somewhere. But (take Craigslist for example) there are some reasons why you'd legitimately be meeting someone you only came into contact with on the internet, and it's perfectly safe as long as you do it smart (public place, daylight, etc). 18 year olds are smart enough to do this (hopefully); 9 year olds are not.

So yes, while they are doing a survey of minors (who are the responsibilities of their parents/guardians), the age ranging from 9 prepubescent to 18 (ready to go off to college) is too wide for the figures to be of any real meaning.

Re:Age range is too wide?

[Eivind]

The questions seem designed to evoke alarm more than enligthen. I give out personal information freely every day, dozen of times. Look, I'm named "Eivind", and can be reached at a certain email-adress. Both are true. Both are personal information. Both put me in no risk I can think of.

Besides, the entire "17 year old = kid" thing is stupid.

I've had a 17 year old girl "give out personal details" to an adult online, namely me. Infact she even took an airplane to come visit me where I lived at the time, and the expectation was, from both sides, that we'd probably sleep together, if we liked eachothers as well in real life as online. I was 20, we where a couple and lived together for the next 2 years or something. There's a word for these things, and it's not "online predator" it's "normal".

Re:Fixed

[vux984]

i don't want my kids on myspace. not because I'm 'paranoid and afraid of the internets' but because I think myspace is a stupid waste of time; an internet trailor park.

Of course I won't forbid it. Then they'll just create one and access it from the school library or their friends house or something. Or try and get sneaky and hide their tracks on one of the systems here.

But I'm going to do everything in my power to convince them that myspace and facebook and crap like that is beneath them.

Of course, this all coming from a guy on slashdot... but still I'd rather have them wasting their time here than on myspace. ;)

Molesting begins at home

[Animats]

Child molestation is mostly by friends and family, plus the occasional priest. 80% friends and family, 20% strangers. So, kids, get out of the house, stay away from churches, and head for the mall.

Re:The forum's Like Fox News.

[Belial6]

Well, in 1900, you didn't have adults having sex with 16 year old kids. Why? Because in 1900, a 16 year old wasn't a kid. It is sometimes amazing how bad the epidemic has become that has reduced an entire nation to the point that it takes ~30% longer to reach adulthood than it did just 100 years ago.

I would agree with the '70s though. There is no way that a parent with only partial custody of their child is going to be able to keep track of what their child is doing. At this point most most parents share custody, often having minority time, with the state through our 'public education' system.

Re:What is this "it" everybody is so afraid of?

[unbug]

What is this "it"? I think it's pretty clear that "it" refers to accessing dangerous material. Whatever that may be.

Re:Corrected

[Big Nothing]

Don't underestimate the "hormonal motivation" of a parent wanting to protect his/her kid.

Good God I hate these kinds of articles.

[PotatoHead]

Ok, so there are baddies and pr0n on line. That's reality.

What they are not reporting is how to deal with this as a parent. Two kinds of parents. Geek ones and non-geek ones. From there, you get two more sub-types. Parents who take the time and parents that don't.

Just pulling numbers outta my ass, I think it's safe to day only 1 in 4 parents actually share the Internet with their kids and...

THAT IS THE WHOLE PROBLEM.

So fix that and suddenly we don't have this "but think of the kiddies" scare.

(From that 1 in 4 parents, who has taken the time)

1. Surf with your kids.

2. Build a trust relationship. They need to know you are there to help them and you both are there to learn stuff.

If you hear about them doing something bad, before they tell you about it, they get hammered really hard. On the other hand, if they run into a situation and bring it to you, they get help with it, not harsh judgement.

Kids who are looking at pr0n online have needs that are not being met otherwise. It's ugly, for some parents, but they need to deal with that and the pr0n issue will go away. This is true for most online behaviors. Deal with it.

3. It's ok to lie on the net. Sort all that out with them and establish good behaviors with them. This is why you surf with them --to provide context.

Lots more, but just doing those will bring the kid - parent online relationship to a level that is safe.

We need to see more articles like this, and far fewer scary ones. Nothing worse than scared and ignorant people trying to parent kids.

Pesky 20-somethings...

[flajann]

Yes, we were all pesky 20-somethings at some point in our lives (unless you're still a teen), so been there and done that.

Now, I'm a pesky 40-something, and work in an environment with a wide age range demographic. I find it amusing that I've been in the computer field for almost as many years as my boss is old! :-)

But you know what? Being a pesky 40-something gives me a huge advantage: I know how to make things happen, how to get shit done. You 20-somethings may know all the ins and outs about the latest technologies and what not, but do you know how to put it all togeher to produce something? Can you navigate around the myriad problems and issues with integration, for instance? And I just don't mean integrating the technology itself, but integrating your firm's goals with what vendors wish to give you? Or integrating the expectations of many departments and keeping them all on the same page? Or even members of your team?

Oh, and in some areas, I can still run circles around most 20-somethings tech-wise. Being 20-something is not what it's all cracked up to be. Youth is wasted on the young. That is to say, by the time you understand how to actually take avantage of being a 20-something, you're now a 40-something!!!!

Sorry, fresh out of time machines.

Biased or wrong or both

[pla]

The study found that 30% of children between the ages of 9 and 18 delete the search history from their browsers in an attempt to protect their privacy from their parents, that 73% of the children reported giving out personal information online

Okay, so 30% of kids understand the implications of their online presence enough to clear the cache to protect their privacy - But then (at least) 10% (((73+30)-100)/30) of those same kids give out personal info online?

Does not compute - Unless this "survey" had extremely biased questions in a sad attempt to prove how dangerous we should all consider the spooooooooky intarweb. For example, what constitutes "personal info"? Using a real name to register for a website? Buying something through Amazon? Clicking "I am not over 18" to get redirected to disney.com?



36% of the children admitted to meeting with a stranger they had met online

Same problem - What constitutes "meeting with a stranger"? At the younger end of the surveyed age range, they have no ability to really go anywhere without parental assistance; this suggests "stranger" means "classmate I don't really know very well". And at the higher end of the age range, we have people who don't really draw a line between "online" and "real" friends, and who quite likely have attended at least one online-community-specific gathering (such as a Fark Party or the like).



Nothing but FUD for parents.