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Air Force Seeking Geeks For 'Cyber Command'
An anonymous reader writes "Wired reports that the two-star general in charge of the US Air Force's new Cyber Command is looking for hacker-types to beef up its cadre of cyber warriors — no heavy lifting required. 'We have to change the way we think about warriors of the future,' General William Lord says. 'So if they can't run three miles with a pack on their backs but they can shut down SCADA system, we need to have a culture where they fit in.' The Cyber Command is the Air Force's first new Major Command since the early 1990s. Its purpose is to be able to win an electronic war with China and other potential adversaries."
Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
they could be called GeekSquad
?giS
Just seeing that the name of this new command is the "cyber command" makes me want to run right out and hack a Gibson.
Man, the surf is ripped out on that information wave today. I mean gridlocked, on that information superhighway...?
HACK THE PLANET!
Commander: They did what?
Lieutenant: They fell down and started rolling around, keyboards in hand.
Commander: And this was suppose to say what exactly?
Lieutenant: They were gibbering something about he who lives by the keyboard dies by the keyboard. I think they thought it was funny or clever. You have no idea what the men have been dealing with. These geeks have no social skills whatsoever.
Commander: So I've heard....and they absolutely refused to perform that first strike.
Lieutenant: Yes, sir. But it gets worse. They started muttering some inane dialog and sniggering at each other. "Burn the building" and such. We thought they were making threats at first, but then one of them laughed at me for not watching some cult film they all worship. Office Farce or Office Day or something.
Commander: I told them this would never work. Damn geeks.
These posts express my own personal views, not those of my employer
how would they control the inner geek urge to hack EVERYTHING?
commanding officer: "Dammit, someone emptied my bank account - AGAIN!"
second in command: "It's those cyber warfare officers, sir, they keep hacking anything connected to the network"
CO: "WELL COMMAND THEM TO STOP DOING IT!"
SCO: "I can't sir, the rerouted all communications through a local brothel..."
Seven Days with Ubuntu Unity
Your pointy-haired boss has a gun.
Great Intellect...
> How about trying to win PEACE with China instead?
I don't think that's the military's job...
It's because they use wireless LAN. According to rumours, they have placed a huge order for Apple Airport Extremes.
Everybody uses broad generalizations.
"Woohoo! Where do I sign?"
"Great! Now pack your bags, you're going to Iraq"
"Butbutbut, that's not what I signed up for!"
"Too bad, we need people on the ground in Iraq NOW. That's where you're going."
Turning raw meat into the cyberwarriors of tomorrow -- the drill sergeant at Fort Ran:
ALL RIGHT YOU MAGGOTS LISTEN UP! EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU IS A PERFECT SPECIMEN OF WELL-MUSCLED MANHOOD, BRIGHT-EYED,
NEATLY DRESSED, AND HIGHLY DISCIPLINED. WELL STARTING TODAY I AM GOING TO TURN YOU ALL INTO SLOVENLY, SARCASTIC,
ANTI-SOCIAL LOSERS! DO YOU HEAR ME SOLDIER??
Sir, Yes sir!
NEVER CALL ME SIR! YOU ARE TO SHOW NO RESPECT FOR AUTHORITY! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME MAGGOT?!
Sure, whatever dude.
WHAT'S THAT AROUND YOUR NECK SOLDIER??
It's a tie s..., er dude
WELL TAKE IT OFF! YOU WILL WEAR T-SHIRTS AND LOOSE SHORTS AT ALL TIMES! IS THAT CLEAR?
I really don't like people shouting at me.
DAMN RIGHT YOU DON'T. AND WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN SOMEONE LIKE ME PISSES YOU OFF?
Uh, replace your desktop with a screenshot and then watch you trying to click on it while I snicker from my cubicle?
I THINK WE GOT A REAL GEEK HERE! IS THAT WHAT YOU ARE MAGGOT? A REAL GEEK???
I guess so.
OH YOU GUESS SO? WELL WHEN I'M DONE WITH YOU THERE WON'T BE ANY DOUBT! EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU WILL BE ABLE
TO LIVE FOR DAYS ON NOTHING BUT JOLT COLA AND DORITOS! YOU WILL LEARN TO LOVE THE WARM GLOW OF YOUR MONITOR
MORE THAN THE LIGHT OF THE SUN! YOU WILL BE ABLE TO WRITE NETWORK PENETRATION CODE IN THE DARK, IN MACHINE CODE,
USING A MAGNETIZED NEEDLE AND A STEADY HAND! YOU...WILL..BE...WARRIORS!! HOO! HOO! HOOOO!
Soylent Green is peoplicious!
It is weapons training day at military camp. The instructor is running through some of the kit trainees will be using. "OK, moving on. The next weapon I am showing you here can be used to devastating effect --- in the correct hands and under the right circumstances. We call it vmsplice_to_user()..."
Must fight... urge... to feed.. troll.....
Women are like electronics: you don't know how damaged they are until you try to turn them on.
- The Army sends a bunch of guards armed with automatic weapons to make sure nobody steals the computer.
- The Navy ties the machine down with netting so it won't bounce around during shipping, tightens the screws in the rack, coils the cables neatly and attaches them with cable ties.
- The Air Force cuts a purchase order to buy another one.
Our lab was _much_ neater once Dave got there - plus he did a good job on router ACLs, installing OS patches, etc.You'd think the NSA would be more involved in this kind of thing, but usually when I hear about people getting funding for cyber warfare boondoggles as opposed to computer security, it's the Air Force.
Bill Stewart
New Fast-Compression-only CPR http://preview.tinyurl.com/dy575ks
I'm sure they'd listen to reason and realise what jolly bad chaps they are, if you presented your argument in the right way. It's not like they're barbarians or anything, their culture is just as valuable as yours and who are you to judge?
It's true I tell you, feller at work's next door neighbour read it in the paper.
It was obviously a joke - but I'm not faulting you since you probably don't have any experience in humour.
Control is an illusion, order our comforting lie. From chaos, through chaos, into chaos we fly
Obligatory good will huntin rant: Why shouldn't I work at the NSA? That's a tough one, but I'll take a shot at it. Let's say I'm working at the NSA and somebody puts a code on my desk, something no one else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break, and I'm real happy with myself cause I did my job well. But maybe that code is for the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East, and once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels are hiding. Fifteen hundred people I never met before, never had no problem with get killed. So now the politicians are saying 'Send in the marines to secure the area,' cause they don't give a shit, it's not their kid gettin shot at, just like it wasn't them when their number got called cause they were off pullin a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some kid from Soutie over there takin shrapnel in the ass. He comes back to find out that the plant he used to work for got exported to the country he just got back from, and the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass has got his old job cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile, my buddy realizes that the only reason why we were over there in the first place was so that we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. So, obviously, the oil companies used the little skirmish to scare up domestic oil prices, a cute little ancillary benefit for them, but it ain't helpin my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. So they're takin their sweet time bringin the oil back, of course, maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and frickin play slalom with the icebergs. It ain't too long before he hits one of 'em, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So now, my buddy's outta work, he's walkin to all the job interviews, which sucks because the shrapnel in his ass is givin him chronic hemeroids, and he's starvin cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat, the
He said "old-timers", not "petrified fossils".
My Keyboard (The Creed of a United States Cyber Command)
This is my keyboard.
There are many like it, but this one is MINE.
My keyboard is my best friend. It is my life.
I must master it as I must master my life.
My keyboard without me is useless. Without my keyboard, I am useless.
I must type my keyboard true.
I must type faster than my enemy who is trying to hack me.
I must hack him before he hacks me. I will...
My keyboard and myself know that what counts in war is not the keys we type,
the noise of our modems, nor the trojans we make.
We know it is the hacks that count. We will hack...
My keyboard is human, even as I, because it is my life.
Thus, I will learn it as a brother.
I will learn its weaknesses, its strengths, its parts, its accessories,
its sights, and its barrel.
I will ever guard it against the ravages of weather and damage.
I will keep my keyboard clean and ready, even as I am clean and ready.
We will become part of each other. We will...
Before God I swear this creed.
My keyboard and myself are the defenders of my country.
We are the masters of our enemy.
We are the saviors of my life.
So be it, until there is no enemy, but PEACE.
Bullshit! If 10% of geek guys were gay, the Royal Institute of Technology here would be less like a monastery, and more like a seminary.
Sure. They send the signal just after the warranty expires.
A BOFH with access to the red button.
Don't fight for your country, if your country does not fight for you.
I tried being one of them. Couldn't stand the the constant interruptions from the colonel.
Oh wait...
"Slashdot - News and Chat Sites Deviant". (Click "homepage" link above for details).
And that is why people in the military don't drink.
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