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Air Force Seeking Geeks For 'Cyber Command'

Posted by ryuzaki0 on from the they-also-serve dept.

An anonymous reader writes "Wired reports that the two-star general in charge of the US Air Force's new Cyber Command is looking for hacker-types to beef up its cadre of cyber warriors — no heavy lifting required. 'We have to change the way we think about warriors of the future,' General William Lord says. 'So if they can't run three miles with a pack on their backs but they can shut down SCADA system, we need to have a culture where they fit in.' The Cyber Command is the Air Force's first new Major Command since the early 1990s. Its purpose is to be able to win an electronic war with China and other potential adversaries."

18 of 524 comments (clear)

  1. Yeah, right. by Black+Parrot · · Score: 5, Funny

    we need to have a culture where they fit in. Somehow I don't think the Air Force is going to be keen on people smoking pot in the command center.
    --
    Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
    1. Re:Yeah, right. by the+grace+of+R'hllor · · Score: 5, Funny

      I know I'd not be keen on people smoking pot in my work place either.

      Deadbeat != security expert. Get a job and cut your hair, dude.

    2. Re: Yeah, right. by Black+Parrot · · Score: 5, Funny

      Deadbeat != security expert. Get a job and cut your hair, dude.

      Pothead |= deadbeat. Judge results, not style, shitsuck. Your rebuttal is somewhat weakened by your unfortunate choice of the logical symbol for "entails" to indicate the inequality!
      --
      Sheesh, evil *and* a jerk. -- Jade
    3. Re: Yeah, right. by Oktober+Sunset · · Score: 4, Funny

      Man's finger lands 5mm too far to the left: must be a retard. More at 11.

      --
      What if Tetris was invented by Nazis?
    4. Re: Yeah, right. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      And so the power of groups on slashdot is proved: deadbeat == French-Canadian

  2. Cyber, huh? Neat! by SpiffyMarc · · Score: 5, Funny

    Just seeing that the name of this new command is the "cyber command" makes me want to run right out and hack a Gibson.

    Man, the surf is ripped out on that information wave today. I mean gridlocked, on that information superhighway...?

    HACK THE PLANET!

    1. Re:Cyber, huh? Neat! by value_added · · Score: 4, Funny

      Just seeing that the name of this new command is the "cyber command" makes me want to run right out and hack a Gibson.

      I think the Gibson is scheduled to be replaced. At least if the scene in Breach, where the Chris Cooper character storms into the CIA server room and demands that all the equipment be replaced with "mumble mumble Red Hat Linux Enterprise 5! mumble mumble Gigabit! mumble mumble" is any indication.

      I expect hackers in the future will be clicking icons on a Gnome desktop. Only the old-timers will remember the days when we used spooky coloured one-character-at-a-time terminals, and performed incredible feats of hackery while being simultaneously threatened by a supervillain and distracted with a blowjob from a supermodel.

  3. He who lives by the sword.... by syousef · · Score: 5, Funny

    Commander: They did what?
    Lieutenant: They fell down and started rolling around, keyboards in hand.
    Commander: And this was suppose to say what exactly?
    Lieutenant: They were gibbering something about he who lives by the keyboard dies by the keyboard. I think they thought it was funny or clever. You have no idea what the men have been dealing with. These geeks have no social skills whatsoever.
    Commander: So I've heard....and they absolutely refused to perform that first strike.
    Lieutenant: Yes, sir. But it gets worse. They started muttering some inane dialog and sniggering at each other. "Burn the building" and such. We thought they were making threats at first, but then one of them laughed at me for not watching some cult film they all worship. Office Farce or Office Day or something.
    Commander: I told them this would never work. Damn geeks.

    --
    These posts express my own personal views, not those of my employer
  4. Okay, but... by AndGodSed · · Score: 5, Funny

    how would they control the inner geek urge to hack EVERYTHING?

    commanding officer: "Dammit, someone emptied my bank account - AGAIN!"
    second in command: "It's those cyber warfare officers, sir, they keep hacking anything connected to the network"
    CO: "WELL COMMAND THEM TO STOP DOING IT!"
    SCO: "I can't sir, the rerouted all communications through a local brothel..."

    --

    Seven Days with Ubuntu Unity

  5. In the air force... by bky1701 · · Score: 4, Funny

    Your pointy-haired boss has a gun.

    --
    Great Intellect...
  6. Re:Barn Door: Already Open by rale,+the · · Score: 5, Funny

    > How about trying to win PEACE with China instead?

    I don't think that's the military's job...

  7. Watch out kids! by martin-boundary · · Score: 4, Funny
    "Join the USAF, you can hack computers all night and sleep all day"

    "Woohoo! Where do I sign?"

    "Great! Now pack your bags, you're going to Iraq"

    "Butbutbut, that's not what I signed up for!"

    "Too bad, we need people on the ground in Iraq NOW. That's where you're going."

  8. What will boot camp be like? by OldManAndTheC++ · · Score: 5, Funny

    Turning raw meat into the cyberwarriors of tomorrow -- the drill sergeant at Fort Ran:

    ALL RIGHT YOU MAGGOTS LISTEN UP! EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU IS A PERFECT SPECIMEN OF WELL-MUSCLED MANHOOD, BRIGHT-EYED,
    NEATLY DRESSED, AND HIGHLY DISCIPLINED. WELL STARTING TODAY I AM GOING TO TURN YOU ALL INTO SLOVENLY, SARCASTIC,
    ANTI-SOCIAL LOSERS! DO YOU HEAR ME SOLDIER??

    Sir, Yes sir!

    NEVER CALL ME SIR! YOU ARE TO SHOW NO RESPECT FOR AUTHORITY! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME MAGGOT?!

    Sure, whatever dude.

    WHAT'S THAT AROUND YOUR NECK SOLDIER??

    It's a tie s..., er dude

    WELL TAKE IT OFF! YOU WILL WEAR T-SHIRTS AND LOOSE SHORTS AT ALL TIMES! IS THAT CLEAR?

    I really don't like people shouting at me.

    DAMN RIGHT YOU DON'T. AND WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN SOMEONE LIKE ME PISSES YOU OFF?

    Uh, replace your desktop with a screenshot and then watch you trying to click on it while I snicker from my cubicle?

    I THINK WE GOT A REAL GEEK HERE! IS THAT WHAT YOU ARE MAGGOT? A REAL GEEK???

    I guess so.

    OH YOU GUESS SO? WELL WHEN I'M DONE WITH YOU THERE WON'T BE ANY DOUBT! EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU WILL BE ABLE
    TO LIVE FOR DAYS ON NOTHING BUT JOLT COLA AND DORITOS! YOU WILL LEARN TO LOVE THE WARM GLOW OF YOUR MONITOR
    MORE THAN THE LIGHT OF THE SUN! YOU WILL BE ABLE TO WRITE NETWORK PENETRATION CODE IN THE DARK, IN MACHINE CODE,
    USING A MAGNETIZED NEEDLE AND A STEADY HAND! YOU...WILL..BE...WARRIORS!! HOO! HOO! HOOOO!

    --
    Soylent Green is peoplicious!
  9. Re:not a bad deal really by ettlz · · Score: 4, Funny

    It is weapons training day at military camp. The instructor is running through some of the kit trainees will be using. "OK, moving on. The next weapon I am showing you here can be used to devastating effect --- in the correct hands and under the right circumstances. We call it vmsplice_to_user()..."

  10. Let's hope they're not like these guys... by Spy+der+Mann · · Score: 4, Funny
    http://en.tiraecol.net/modules/comic/comic.php?content_id=223

    Guy: It just arrived in the mail: I've been accepted in the U.S.A.'s Hackers Elite corp...
    Other guy: No way!
    Guy: Geeze, I'm going to learn so much: Data interception, a darn bunch of encryption... can you imagine the level of the guys attending these lectures?
    Other guy: You'd better review your strong encryption knowledge...

    (A week later...)

    Teacher: And in the window labelled "create nuclear crisis", simply select the country from the drop-down menu...
    Student: What's a drop down menu?
    Guy: :'(
  11. Re: Those who join will become killers. by Bloke+down+the+pub · · Score: 5, Funny

    So if the Mongols come around burning your people's villages and raping their donkeys, you shouldn't take up arms against it?
    Well that would make you just as bad as them, wouldn't it - after all, two wrongs don't make a right.

    I'm sure they'd listen to reason and realise what jolly bad chaps they are, if you presented your argument in the right way. It's not like they're barbarians or anything, their culture is just as valuable as yours and who are you to judge?

    --
    It's true I tell you, feller at work's next door neighbour read it in the paper.
  12. Re:Youngster.. by c6gunner · · Score: 4, Funny

    He said "old-timers", not "petrified fossils".

  13. My Keyboard by d3m0nCr4t · · Score: 5, Funny

    My Keyboard (The Creed of a United States Cyber Command)


    This is my keyboard.

    There are many like it, but this one is MINE.

    My keyboard is my best friend. It is my life.

    I must master it as I must master my life.

    My keyboard without me is useless. Without my keyboard, I am useless.

    I must type my keyboard true.

    I must type faster than my enemy who is trying to hack me.

    I must hack him before he hacks me. I will...

    My keyboard and myself know that what counts in war is not the keys we type,

    the noise of our modems, nor the trojans we make.

    We know it is the hacks that count. We will hack...

    My keyboard is human, even as I, because it is my life.

    Thus, I will learn it as a brother.

    I will learn its weaknesses, its strengths, its parts, its accessories,
    its sights, and its barrel.

    I will ever guard it against the ravages of weather and damage.

    I will keep my keyboard clean and ready, even as I am clean and ready.

    We will become part of each other. We will...

    Before God I swear this creed.

    My keyboard and myself are the defenders of my country.

    We are the masters of our enemy.

    We are the saviors of my life.

    So be it, until there is no enemy, but PEACE.