NIST Working On "Deathalyzer"

coondoggie writes to mention that a new optical technique for sensing small amounts of molecules in a person's breath has been developed by a researcher for the National Institute of Standards and Technology. The goal is to create a fast, low-cost method for detecting disease. "In this approach, NIST researchers analyze human breath with 'frequency combs,' which are generated by a laser specially designed to produce a series of very short, equally spaced pulses of light. Each pulse may be only a few million billionths of a second long. The laser generates light as a series of very narrow frequency peaks equally spaced, like the teeth of a comb, across a broad spectrum."

Comments

Only One Thing To Debug...

[Wandering Wombat]

... the machine keeps declaring that everyone has "Stupidity"...

Re:Only One Thing To Debug...

[Wandering Wombat]

I believe that sort of deathalyzer is just a mirror held under the corpse's nose.

That Guy Sitting Next to Me on the Bus

[aquatone282]

. . . this morning - I think he's gonna die real soon.

I smell the strong odor of SULPHUR

[Anonymous Coward]

downwind of SATAN.

Regards,
Kilgore Trout, PatRIOT

Mostly Dead

[DamienRBlack]

Officer: I'm sorry sir, the deathalyzer says you're too far over the legal 'dead' limit to be driving. What do you have to say for yourself?

Passenger: But officer, he can't say anything he's dead.

Officer: Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do.

Passenger: What's that?

Officer: Go through his clothes and look for loose change.

To Blathe!

[dsginter]

Will this deathalizer tell me if someone is only mostly dead?

Already exists

[nedburns]

They better be careful before someone sues for patent violation for detecting "old stench".

The human nose can detect the particles accurately as you walk through a nursing home or hospital.

Re:What, no "Sharks" tag?

[PIPBoy3000]

/. is slipping....a story about lasers and no sharks tag?!? Shocked I tell, shocked. They tried mounting a Deathalyzer on a shark, but the result was always that the subject would die within a few seconds.

Whoa!! Bizarro universe has EXACT SAME NEWS!!!

[Anonymous Coward]

I somehow loaded Slashdot from a bizarro universe. It was gone by the time I refreshed it, but not before I got a screenshot... Here is my transcription (emphasis added)...
--

End of Zombie Menace in Sight? NIST Working On "Deathalyzer"
Posted by ScuttleMonkey on Wednesday February 20, @01:36PM
from the payback-time department

coondoggie writes to mention that a new optical technique for sensing small amounts of death molecules in a persons breath has been developed by a researcher for the National Institute of Standards and Technology. This technology might one day be used as a fast, low-cost method for detecting whether someone is a zombie.

"In this approach, NIST researchers analyze human breath with 'frequency combs,' which are generated by a laser specially designed to produce a series of very short, equally spaced pulses of light. Each pulse may be only a few million billionths of a second long. The laser generates light as a series of very narrow frequency peaks equally spaced, like the teeth of a comb, across a broad spectrum."

Could this mean the end of the zombie menace?