Large Hadron Collider Sparks 'Doomsday' Lawsuit

smooth wombat writes "In what can only be considered a bizarre court case, a former nuclear safety officer and others are suing the U.S. Department of Energy, Fermilab, the National Science Foundation and CERN to stop the use of the LHC (Large Hadron Collider) until its safety is reassessed. The plaintiffs cite three possible 'doomsday' scenarios which might occur if the LHC becomes operational: the creation of microscopic black holes which would grow and swallow matter, the creation of strangelets which, if they touch other matter, would convert that matter into strangelets or the creation of magnetic monopoles which could start a chain reaction and convert atoms to other forms of matter. CERN will hold a public open house meeting on April 6 with word having been spread to some researchers to be prepared to answer questions on microscopic black holes and strangelets if asked."

Comments

THINK OF THE SPACESHIPS

[i_liek_turtles]

Captain Zapp Brannigan: We'll just set a new course for that empty region over there, near that blackish, holeish thing.

Obligatory

[bondsbw]

xkcd

They forgot one...

[supabeast!]

What happens if an escaping convict accidentally wanders into the collider, gains super powers, and tries to take over the world?

Re:They forgot one...

[IthnkImParanoid]

Obviously one of the scientists will have wandered into the collider as well. Although his or her superpowers will not be as powerful/deadly/cool as the convict's, their determination, faith in humankind, and good heart will allow them to narrowly win in the end, no matter how badly the odds look to be stacked against them.

They will still have a hard time getting laid, though.

Re:WTF?

[Spacepup]

I guess it's just the kid in me, but now I want it turned on even more just to see what will really happen.

Maybe they should schedual the first start for one of the predicted end dates ala the Mayans and Egyptans. The Hadron collider builders should also play "It's the End of the World as We Know It" by REM the day it starts.

Re:ICE-9 anyone?

[Jafafa Hots]

"Well -they were afraid when they detonated the first above ground nuke as well -thought they might torch the atmosphere..."

And so it turned out that nuclear explosions were perfectly safe after all. :D

Could this explain the lack of ETs?

[RobinH]

Could this explain why we haven't found the universe teeming with extra terrestrial life? Every civilization becomes more and more advanced, then starts doing more and more powerful experiments, and thinks, "the chance of destroying our planet is really slight... we're perfectly safe going ahead with this." Then, poof!

Re:WTF?

[Valiss]

but the job requirements of being a nuclear safety officer is hardly any prerequisite to being able to in any way accurately understanding the quantum chromodynamics, or even quantized general relativity

No kidding. Have you seen the safety inspector in section 7G?

Re:Hawking Radiation

[pcgabe]

to: s_hawking@cam.ac.uk
re: MBHs
status: urgent

MBHs not dissipating as anticipated. Please advise.

My theory

[TopSpin]

The rest of it just sounds so bizarre it's unreal. The exopologic theorem of Flammeus Fortuitus states that civilizations that pursue the Higgs boson eventually produce destructive monopoles, usually just below their own troposphere, which immediately annihilates their planet/moon and nearby planets and/or suns. Each gamma ray burst detected in the universe is, in fact, another such conversion. Fortunately, interstellar space lacks sufficient matter to sustain the conversion and the process stops.

This theory provides a compelling explanation for why, despite the inevitability provided by immense timescales, we have yet to observe alien visitors; the physics of our universe tends to eliminate those species that investigate the sort of physics that lead to interstellar spacecraft. Thus, the only long-lived species one may expect to discover in the universe are those that do not employ high energy physics which, naturally, precludes all efforts at detection.

It is also possible that I've been working on makefiles for too many hours and no longer merit your attention. You are to be forgiven; you didn't know that when you started reading.

Re:John Titor

[spazdor]

That's what my old roommate used to say.


Fucking ravers.

Don't laugh.. It could happen!

[kpainter]

I found this on Wikipedia (so it must be true). "What came later to be known as "The Black Mesa Incident" was triggered by a seemingly innocuous and routine experiment into teleportation. As part of the Anomalous Materials team in Sector C of the facility, research associate Gordon Freeman introduced a crystalline specimen..." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Mesa_Research_Facility

Re:Hawking Radiation

[Anonymous Coward]

re: MBHs

Well gentlemen, I suggest you all stick you head between your legs and kiss you ass goodbye. I'm going to the Andromeda galaxy. Yes, I invented a way to get there. I did it twenty years ago after a vodka binge, actually. Peace, bitches.

Re:WTF?

[Omestes]

But we won't be here, so why should I care?

It would be very amusing for the folks on the ISS though.