Slashdot Mirror
Study Shows Males Commonly Mistake Sexual Intent
seattle-pk writes "Males are apparently clueless when it comes to interpreting sexual intent from females, according to a recent study (PDF) from Indiana University's Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences. Men were found commonly to perceive more sexual intent in women's behavior than women were intending to convey. (A campus survey showed that 68% of college females had an experience where a male mistook signs of friendliness for affection.) However, the study also shows that men were quite likely to misperceive sexual interest as friendliness. 'Rather than seeing the world through sex-colored glasses, men seemed just to have blurry vision of sorts, overall,' according to the article. If you're a male who ever mistook the meaning of a barista's smile, looks like you're not alone."
We're MEN... We need CLEAR signals. We've only got enough blood to fill any one of the two organs at a time and most of the time it isn't the brain. Give us a CLEAR yes. You want us to fully comprehend then wear a damned sign - until then? Well... *shrugs*
Bah... Screw it... Until then remember that we've got too many people on the planet already.
"So long and thanks for all the fish."
Or, if you are a true alpha male, the error's boyfriend would be the one left behind in the dust. Now that's natural selection for you. Sad principle upon to build a stable, peaceful society thought, so let's raise above that ;) Me being a spindly nerd has nothing to do with this view of course.
Ambiguity is probably in women's interest. Just like ovulation being hidden from men, unusually in the animal world (which makes men compete sexually for women constantly, and not just at particular times).
Probably gives women greater power (or rather, it increases the statistical chance of the genes of a particular woman being successfully passed on, which is all natural cares about).
Azural - instrumentals
Don't forget the evolutionary advantage in "mis-communicating" by the females. More or less, guys who like you do stuff for you. You can sleep with whoever you want (eg, the alpha male) and the other guys (beta males) will still bust a nut trying to score by being nice / doing your bidding. Sending misleading signals is absolutely full of win for the girls (until you meet a psycho).
Forget thrust, drag, lift and weight. Airplanes fly because of money.
... and men are simple beigns. It doesn't matter if the woman sends any signals. If she's pretty and witty he's intersted. If she's ugly and witty he ONLY wants to be her friend. If she's ugly and stupid he doesn't know her.
Wait . . .
Are you saying that the cute bartender, the one who laughs at all my horrible jokes and cleans up after me after I get really drunk and spill my beer everywhere, the one that I constantly tip very well . . . are you trying to tell me that she might not actually be into me?
The Internet is generally stupid
An interesting follow up would be to look at men and womens abilities to communicate their emotional states to others of the same sex, and also broaden the range of "intents" studied towards the opposite sex.
Also look at if the sexual orientation of the "recipient" has any effect.
There is a known condition, Asberger's syndrome, which identifies people who are bad at understanding non verbal communication. (Which is also more commonly identified in men than women). Might there also be a condition of people being poor at expressing themselves non verbally. Effective communication does require mutual understanding. Of course there will always be people who deliberatly lie and mislead (who most likely have to be amongst the best communications in the human race to do this sucessfully).
Also, how about looking into this across cultures?
When people from different cultures are communicating they may be extra careful to avoid ambiguity. Even if they were to share the same verbal language they may well assume that they have a different non-verbal language and compensate accordingly. Of course you can't test this using just photographs or videos since there is no mutual dialogue involved.
Street wisdom: Ugly girls wants nice boys. Pretty girls want rich boys.
;p
Those in the middle swing both ways. This is also called "land of possibilities"
Posting AC for obvious reasons, I'd just like to say that you're more right than you may even know here. The only correction I might make is in your phrasing when you say that a woman is "trying" to convey something, since, in my experience, it's frequently quite involuntary. It's also not necessarily a direct proferring of sex, but a way of fitting into a role that looks vulnerable and inspires a hopefully sympathetic reaction. I had a jarring experience with my own evolutionary throwback a year or two ago in Japan. I was alone in Japan for a little over a week, not knowing much Japanese, but trying to be independent as possible anyway. Each time I had to communicate with people (hostel clerks, train station receptionists, etc.), male or female, I could feel my eyes involuntarily became wider, my lower lip protrude, my brow knit in an innocently perplexed manner. It went entirely against my usual modus operandi of being strong and solitary, but as soon as I needed someone's help, really needed it just to get by, here was this automatic mechanism to make me look younger and more harmless and, frankly, dumber and in greater need than I may really have been. And it worked. Damn near every time I asked for help in an uncertain, wavery manner, people treated me more kindly and patiently than they usually do ever. I suppose I could have felt empowered by this, but I was mostly balking at my sudden inability to control what the hell my face did, and feeling guilty for manipulating people, even if it was harmless and I didn't mean to.
I don't doubt that there are women who know exactly what they're doing when they pout at you, but you might be surprised by how many more don't
Okay let me try. Situation, and how the communication works.
Situation 1: There's a real interest in a friendship, although there is no kind of physical attraction. The other person seems genuinely fun to be around
Female: Smiles at him, looks straight into his eyes so that he knows that she is not at all afraid of scaring him off and is therefore NOT looking for a serious relationship. However, she picks up conversation to learn about his interests to be able to propose things they can do together for fun.
Male: Asks "Wanna get drunk and play Smash Bros?"
Situation 2: There's a strong physical attraction and interest in pursuing a serious relationship.
Female: Gazes deeply into his eyes to give the impression that she is lost in him. This will provide an excellent "how-we-met" story for their kids. She tries to act interested in his interests because she wants to also be interesting to him.
Male: Asks "Wanna get drunk and play Smash Bros?" with an ulterior motive.
In conclusion, we're all idiots.
It pays biologically for men to err on the side of trying to get laid, for women it's better to err on the side of caution.
"If any question why we died, Tell them because our fathers lied."
FORM: Family, Occupation, Recreation, Money. When ladies talk to you they are only trying to assess your worth. Wealth of an individual can sometimes change with time and circumstance. So ladies put those they believe might become wealthy in the "friends" category, if they do become wealthy they simply pretend they were interested all along.
No. The message should definitely be to women, "Be more clear about your intentions." Because even if men are naturally oblivious, we're not going to become any more insightful, but women can change their behavior. So women, if you don't want to send a message that your interested, quit flirting. If you are interested, go ahead and be forward.
Nonono. When she's pretty and witty, he wants to fuck her and go steady. When she is ugly and witty, he wants to fuck her and stay her friend. When she is ugly and stupid, he wants to fuck her and then move on. Unless she gives good head.
We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
The problem with the article was at the end of it. It stated something to the effect of "men can learn.." Ok, but what about women? Are men the only ones that needs to learn something here? Wouldn't it be better if both learned?
And how do one find this out? Now, I've had my fair share of women and more than so over the years but hearing the results from the study lead me to think about how do people learn how to interpret the other sex intentions? The answer is: we don't! Why? Because anything that tastes or smells like it is sexually related, is absent from any form of education. Until we can talk about sexuality and attraction in a decent form in schools and in media and educate young people, this will continue to be a problem. Cue the religious nutcases who get their pants in a bunch just over the thought of sex and education.
If you mod me down, I *will* introduce you to my sister!
But consider this:
Women will often flirt with a man just for attention. I've met women who simply didn't even know what they were doing was interpreted as flirting. And when I confronted them with this observation, they gave this crazymaking attitude like "I don't even know what you're talking about. I was just being friendly." Yeah, right.
Philipino women are a great example of behavior that can easily be mistaken for flirting. I've never been more confounded by any other culture. The world "no" just isn't in their immediate vocabulary.
Women from American culture can flirt just out of anger. Anyone remember that song, "I know What Boys Like" by the Waitresses? That song spelled it out loud and clear.Women were tired of feeling as if they were being oppressed by men. So they used their power against the men.
Those are just two of the reasons that I've found for the confusion on the part of the women. I know why I've been confused before: I was single. Now that I'm married, that confusion is pretty much gone. I know where I stand with my wife.
It takes two to tango. It's not just that men have blurry vision. Women have fuzzy behavior, too.
The diversity and expression of human opinion is essential to human survival.
I remember that one show from Home Improvement when Tim held up the stop sign, saying "STOP". With the other side having the female way of saying it, reading "If you really cared for me, you'd know what to do now". I found it funny because it's just plain true.
/., my hopes are still there): TELL US, in no uncertain terms, what you want. We're notoriously bad at guessing. We do care for your feelings and needs, but we don't guess them. A man is not constantly trying to find out what's wrong, the way a man works, for him everything is running fine as long as there's nobody complaining. No complaint, no change. We do subscribe to the "never change a running system" theory of thinking. Don't try to poke into a system (or relationship for that matter) without good reason. And some ambigious sigh is no good reason.
We are men. We enjoy a direct, blunt and honest way of talking. Wanna have sex? Then say so. Don't? Works for me either. But don't be surprised that we act it! What this study shows is that we can't "read" women. Ok, we can't. Big news. We're used to saying what we want, and also to being told what is expected from us. The best joke is always a woman complaining that in her relationship, they always do what he wants, be it sexually or otherwise. Guess what: He said what he wants! She was sitting there, waiting for him to guess her interests and desires.
Dear women (in case there are any on
Grab your man and tell him what you want, dammit! Be blunt. We need that.
We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
And the women even have a book of their own on that subject, so it's a bit hypocritical of them to complain about men "cheating"... ;)
Just one? Have you ever been to a supermarket checkout?
Not everyone approaches relationships in the same way. I was looking for a relationship that had emotional and intellectual depth, which required a very rare sort of woman. It took me nearly a decade, but now that I've found her, I can't imagine being with anyone else.
Well, I don't know about you, but I'm getting old. After a few hours of sex, I'm kinda bored with it and I want to do something else. Like, say, start some sort of communication. I mean, in a relationship I'd expect a bit of that, too. You know, for the stuff you can't tell your buddies or the things they don't care about, like your feelings. And somehow I think dear Paris isn't quite the person I'd want to have that kind of conversation with. OTOH, I don't care too much about shoes, shopping and little dogs that are more suitably cathegorized as rats, so I think the topics for discussion would be somewhat limited.
Personally, I don't find her too attractive. I'm the type of guy that looks a bit beyond looks (ok, there are limits... but generally), and behind the pretty front there's a big nothing, as far as I can tell. I'm also the type of person that wants to have a relationship that doesn't end at the edge of the bed (and no, I don't mean that I also want to fuck in the closet or on the couch).
We used to have a Bill of Rights. Now, with the rights gone, all we have left is the bill.
In the time it would take to do the study, the women would change their minds 4 times making the results invalid...
The study actually just found that women are unclear about communicating their intentions to men.
For the world's women to accept such a conclusion, it would require admitting responsibility rather than just blaming men. Not gonna happen.
(Yes, I have karma to burn.)
In almost ANY communications scenario in which a message is being received but misinterpreted, it must be the job of the sender to clarify the message. The receiver does not know what is wrong, and therefore has no way to force it make sense. The sender, on the other hand, can often perceive what is wrong, and correct the sending.
It doesn't matter who you blame, the fact is that as a practical matter, nobody can clear this up but the sender of the signals. So before women go complaining that their signals are misunderstood, they should make some effort to make sure their signals are unmistakable!
When did /. turn into Redbook?
Give me Classic Slashdot or give me death!
Money is stability and resources for a child, at least in modern societies.
If you want to get completely evolutionary-psychological about it, women want attractive, confident and strong men as fathers for their children. And wealthy, gentle and patient men to raise them. Sometimes, they are even the same man.
By the time you're in your 40's many of your peers will have married and have families, already. Nor will those be (just) babies, they'll be into Scouts, sports, band and chorus, Odyssey of the Mind, etc. (Trying to be P.C. and hit kids' activities for everyone.) At that point if you're still single, you're disconnected from a major port of the interests of a large part of your peer group. Or to put it another way, many of the people I associate with also have families. Interestingly enough, your kids give you another way to meet more people - the parents of their friends. (They've met the kids of our friends, too.) Don't knock it till you've tried it.
There's also a secondary goal - to hit grandparenthood while I still have enough energy to really enjoy it. My wife's and my parents were really all too old for much of this. Kids can be a blast, and a lot of stress and angst. Grandparenthood offers a chance to enjoy it again, knowing that you've survived it once, and can focus more on the good parts.
The living have better things to do than to continue hating the dead.
oh ok. in that case. consider me an alien. :) seeing as how you obviously cant detect one. j/k. lol
I think it has a lot to do with guys being shy...especially geekier types, and once you do finally get some pussy, it is the best thing is the world and you don't want to risk giving it up, so you basically focus on the one girl, and often, do the wrong things. You cater to her every whim, do what ever you can to be nice and follow along so you don't piss her off where she might cut it off. And that is the wrong thing to do...as that she will not respect you, and then WILL often dump you.
You have to be a little aloof, and be in charge...and let it be known (although it can be unsaid) that you won't take shit off her very much, because there is plenty of others out there. If they know they have you...then you lose the game...and they don't respect you. I'm not saying you have to be an asshole...but, don't be pussywhipped... Being a little big of a jerk often is required, how many times do we see asshole guys, that are constantly getting laid by good looking chicks? I think somewhere down deep, they are a little masochistic by nature of their DNA, I don't know any other way to explain it.
I used to be the classic "good guy"...and it always failed. I became a 'friend'...and didn't get any. Or....I got stomped on by girls I did date...
I saw how friends of mine acted, that got the girl and had them following them. Once I started trying to act a bit more like that (and it was NOT in my nature)...I started having much more luck.
Don't forget...there are plenty of girls out there, and these days..MORE and more of them are willing to sleep with you than ever before at any time with the possible exception of the 60's when "the pill" hit....
So, don't get stuck on 'one' girl. Try to hit as many of them as possible...and if by chance you do want kids and family...then along the way, you will find one you want, but, don't just try for one, and settle on the first one or two that gives it to you.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.........
Personally I appreciate it when men are a little bit chivalrous and do things like holding the door open for me. I don't mean going way out of their way to get to the door and open it but holding it open and giving me a smile always brightens my day.
I hate when girls take every polite action from men as an oppressive action. They really do spoil it for the rest of us and let's face it, they're being plain rude.
Please, don't let the actions of a few girls stop you from doing what you think is polite/a nice thing to do. There really are some crazy ones out there who convince themselves they're really that important that every guy wants to take advantage of them, then there are the rest of us who take it as a friendly action and will appreciate it for what it is.
Ok, on the whole sneaky, manipulative, underhanded thing: we're all (girls) guilty of this. This is how women interact with each other as well. That doesn't make it right but I'm afraid we can't always see that we're doing it so from my whole gender: sorry. Being a CS student and surrounded by men for the majority of my days I've become a little more understanding of the difficulties I can pose when I'm not being clear but it's kinda hard to stop doing it all together.
Silly rabbit