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Uwe Boll To Quit Making Movies With 1M Signatures
An anonymous reader writes to mention that Uwe Boll, the infamous German director behind such video game adaptations as House of the Dead, BloodRayne, Dungeon Siege and Postal, has recently admitted that he would retire from making movies if enough people want him to stop. When FearNet mentioned to Boll a petition online signed by 18,000 people requesting that he cease making films, Boll responded that '18,000 is not enough to convince me.' So how much would be enough? 'One million,' Boll said."
Where do I sign? Do you need blood? Money? A donation? How many times can I sign? Fucking I'LL SIGN!
Boll is actually quitting because the German government recently closed the tax loophole that allowed Boll and other German filmmakers to set up their "films" as tax shelters for businessmen (with no intent of ever making any money). The gravy train has dried up and the scam is over.
SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
If you can tell me what's so bad about that, I can tell you what's so bad about Uwe Boll movies.
Kwisatz Haderach
Sell the spice to CHOAM
This Mahdi took Shaddam's Throne
Oh of course. We stopped OOXML's ISO fast-tracking cold.
You're missing the point. As long as he's in the business, no one's favorite videogames are safe from being turned into horrible movie adaptations, preventing decent adaptations from ever being made. It's self defense. ; )
Soylent Green is peoplicious!
How about these for example:
- Good Bye Lenin! (2003) - nominated for Golden Globe (ok, perhaps that doesn't amount to much, but it's a nice movie)
- Der Untergang (2004) - oscar nomination for "best foreign language film of the year" (where "foreign" means "not english")
- Das Leben der Anderen (2006) - won the oscar for "best foreign language film", as well as many other awards in several international film festivals (Great Britain and Canada among those)
That's quite a few movies since Lola rennt (1998). Looks like there are quite a few German directors who are actually doing better after all... those movies are all very much worthwhile watching, by the way (though quite disturbing).
P.S. I'm not German so I'm bound to have missed several more good movies.
Every expression is true, for a given value of 'true'
Heh, brings to mind a description on a torrent site of the first (and co-incidentally last) I ever saw. I had to download it after I saw this. I thought it couldn't be that bad... I was wrong. Here's the quote: "Without doubt, this is the worst film ever made, and probably that will ever be made. It is not worth the cost of a cinema ticket, it is not worth the cost of the power it took to keep my computer running to download it, it is not worth the cost of the power to keep your tv on as you watch it. It is not even worth killing the electrons that power that tv's tube, infinitesimal though their brief, tortured lives were. Avoid."
The truth shall always be free: Boris Floricic is Tron.
The problem is not that he's making movies, it's the movies he's making. He's being put at the helm of some of our favourite game franchise crossovers, and then butchering them mercilessly.
...
Imagine your favourite game in the world. You've beaten it on Legendary 15 times. You've read every spinoff novel. You've unlocked every single outfit and cooking utensil. Not only have you rescued the princess, you've persuaded her to get hot-coffee-mod-freaky with you. You own figurines of every single character AND the entire dev team. There's a personal dedication to you on the inside cover of the walkthrough. You've taken out whole battalions with 100% headshots using a catapult and a bag of frozen peas.
This game is your everything. Others might not understand, but it makes you happy, and that's all that counts. Then you find out that there's going to be a movie. On a given release date in the near future, your life will be complete. You impose a media blackout on yourself - no previews, no trailers, no interviews. Nothing that will spoil the anticipation, the cloud of pure joy on which you're floating. This is going to be the best shit ever.
The day arrives. You're at the first screening in the country, sitting front and centre. You've driven 1500 miles to be there. Your hands are shaking. You can't stop grinning.
Two hours later, your eyeballs are bleeding. The only reason you're still alive is that you chewed your own foot off. All that you know and love lies in smoking ruins.
The credits roll... "Directed by: Uwe Boll"
You get where I'm going with this, yeah?
[...]
You get where I'm going with this, yeah? Umm, you really need a girlfriend?
Never mind that once someone with actual fighting experience stepped up to the challenge (and barely weighed less than Uwe), the fight was denied. Boll only accepted entrants who weighed significantly less and had no idea what they were doing.