Platypus Genome Decoded

TaeKwonDood writes "Is it reptile, bird or mammal? Some of each. Does it have venom, lay eggs and lactate? Yes. Upon discovery in 1798, fellow scientists thought it was for an episode of 'Thou hast been Punk'd,' but this Australia native, on home on land and in water, is real and, finally, it gets its own decoded genome. It's no surprise the DNA is as messed up as the critter itself."

Comments

"Thou hast been Punk'd"?

[SpeedyDX]

Calling the Platypus a "messed up" animal is one thing, but comparing it to an Ashton Kutcher show is just uncalled for.

Re:"Thou hast been Punk'd"?

[Captain Splendid]

but comparing it to an Ashton Kutcher show is just uncalled for.

I dunno. I think it's make a great show:

"Coming up on Thou Has Been Punk'd, we fool village know-it-all Moses into thinking God is speaking to him! Watch out, burning bush is in the hizzy!"

Who did they send the bill to?

[infonography]

National Geographic most likely.

THCTHCTHC

[coren2000]

Strangely, the DNA strands seem to spell out THCTHCTHCTHCTHC repeated a hundred million times.

lactation

[caramello]

why can't i buy platypus cheese?

Re:lactation

[WK2]

So why can't I buy human cheese? And don't say it's for the same reason I can't buy platypus cheese.

Re:lactation

[Anonymous Coward]

For the same reason you can't buy dolphin cheese.

(Don't worry its circular, you just haven't gone far enough)

Re:lactation

[Anonymous Coward]

i wonder if dolphin cheese would be good on a tuna melt. since they're both fishy.

Re:lactation

[YttriumOxide]

Australia: The Confusing Country

Australia is a very confusing place, taking up a large amount of the bottom half of the planet. It is recognizable from orbit because of many unusual features, including what at first looks like an enormous bite taken out of it's southern edge; a wall of sheer cliffs which plunge deep into the girting sea. Geologists assure us that this is simply an accident of geomorphology and plate tectonics, but they still call it the "Great Australian Bight" proving that not only are they covering up a more frightening theory, but they can't spell either.

The first of the confusing things about Australia is the status of the place. Where other land masses and sovereign lands are classified as either continent, island, or country, Australia is considered all three. Typically, it is unique in this.

The second confusing thing about Australia are the animals. They can be divided into three categories. Poisonous, Odd, and Sheep. It is true that of the 10 most poisonous arachnids on the planet, Australia has 9 of them. Actually, it would be more accurate to say that of the 9 most poisonous arachnids, Australia has all of them. Though, there are curiously few snakes, possibly because the spiders have killed them all. Even the spiders won't go near the sea. Any visitors should be careful to check inside boots (before putting them on) under toilet seats (before sitting down) and generally everywhere else. A stick is very useful for this task.

Strangely, it tends to be the second class of animals (the Odd) that are more dangerous. The creature that kills the most people each year is the common Wombat. It is nearly as ridiculous as it's name, and spends it's life digging holes in the ground, in which it hides. During the night it comes out to eat worms and grubs. The wombat kills people in two ways: First, the animal is indestructible. Digging holes in the hard Australian clay builds muscles that outclass Olympic weightlifters. At night, they often wander the roads. Semi-trailers (Road Trains) have hit them at high speed, with all 9 wheels on one side, and this merely makes them very annoyed. They express this by snorting, glaring, and walking away. Alas, to smaller cars, the wombat becomes an asymmetrical high-speed launching pad, with results that can be imagined.

The second way the wombat kills people relates to it's burrowing behavior. If a person happens to put their hand down a Wombat hole, the Wombat will feel the disturbance and think "Ho! My hole is collapsing!" at which it will brace its muscled legs and push up against the roof of it's burrow, with incredible force, to prevent it's collapse. Any unfortunate hand will be crushed, and attempts to withdraw will cause the Wombat to simply bear down harder. The unfortunate will then bleed to death through their crushed hand as the wombat prevents him from seeking assistance. This is considered the third most embarrassing known way to die, and Australians don't talk about it much.

At this point, we would like to mention the Platypus, estranged relative of the mammal, which has a duck-bill, otter's tail, webbed feet, lays eggs, detects it's aquatic prey in the same way as the electric eel, and has venemous barbs attached to its hind legs, thus combining all 'typical' Australian attributes into a single improbable creature.

The last confusing thing about Australia is the inhabitants. First, a short history: Some time around 40,000 years ago, some people arrived in boats from the north. They ate all the available food, and lot of them died. The ones that survived learned respect for the balance of nature, man's proper place in the scheme of things, and spiders. They settled in, and spent a lot of the intervening time making up strange stories.

Then, around 200 years ago, Europeans arrived in boats from the north. More accurately, European convicts were sent, with a few deranged and stupid people in charge. They tried to plant their crops in Autumn (failing to take

Re:lactation

[Shinmizu]

Sounds like a hygiene problem to me.

Re:lactation

[Anonymous Coward]

Godzone is New Zealand, you insensitive clod!

Re:Poisonous

[NoobixCube]

I wonder; if Steve Irwin had a choice, would he have picked the platypus barb, or the sting ray barb? Sure, he'd be alive today if he got stung by the platypus, but it would have really hurt like hell. I'm going to be modded down by all the Crocodile Hunter fans now...

So where's the source code ...

[The Sith Lord]

... and how do I compile it ?

Re:Poisonous

[amRadioHed]

You can pick a female up and hug it... Remember who you're talking to.

I would!

[Greyfox]

I would totally design something like... oh... wait...

Don't bother...

[JavaBasedOS]

I tried to compile it, and all I got was a segmentation fault.

See?

[oracle128]

We told you it was real. Now we just have to decode the Bunyip genome.

Re:See?

[Macgrrl]

Should Bunyips be sequenced before or after Drop Bears?

Now we will find out

[Wylfing]

Now that their DNA has been decoded, we will find out why platypuses are such powerful sorcerers.

Re:Poisonous

[nizo]

Except then the male platypi will swarm and kill him.

The Easter "Bunny" was a Platypus

[frovingslosh]

I believe that Jesus's side kick was a platypus. Two thousand years ago, the Europeans were unfamiliar with the platypus. So a symbol of Easter became an Easter Bunny. But one that brought eggs. And occasionally the bunny was replaced by a duckling, a creature with a duckbill and webbed feet. Had the early Europeans known about this strange Australian mammal, they would have recognized Jesus's sidekick for what he was, and the incorrectly interpreted story of the Easter Bunny would not have spread through the world.

This is, of course, all just theory.

Re:QED

[SanityInAnarchy]

Maybe there's an insane God?

That's probably the single item that religious people seem least able to argue about. Even if they can convince me there is a God, now they have to convince me that it's a good God.

Re:Platypusses

[dierdorf]

Actually platypodes and platypuses are acceptable plurals for onithorhynchus anatinus.

Just don't call a Greek policeman a platypus, even if it is etymologically correct. They get irritated easily.

Re:Poisonous

[Feanturi]

And what I heard about the primary use of that venom is that it is for immobilizing a swimming female, who will proceed to go limp and float helplessly, so that he can get his freak on. The platypus is Nature's date-rapist.

Re:another link

[Bob Gelumph]

... along with the echidna (kinda like an Australian version of a porcupine or hedgehog?)... Actually, the porcupine and hedgehog are more like foreign versions of the echidna.

Re:another link

[erroneus]

"On a personal note"???

Either "I don't think that means what you think that means" or "How personal, exactly, are you with a platypus?" You may not actually want to answer the latter question because it is illegal in many places.

Re:another link

[antic]

In the same way that you're more like a pedantic version of me? ;)

H isn't a nucleobase

[patio11]

And mammals don't lay eggs or come with poison spines, but when has that ever stopped the platypus before?

I could never decide as a kid whether the platypus disproved intelligent design (I mean, come on, look at it) or whether it was just God's grand joke. "Suck on this, natural selection. I wonder how I can make something LESS plausible. Oh, needs more poison spines... and a beaver tail. Oh, and just to top it off, I'm going to stealth mod them with electrolocation so after the humans can actually detect that they'll just go 'Oh WTF no you didn't'. Its good being omnipotent."

Re:Venomous

[Thumper_SVX]

In Australia, if it doesn't have big serrated teeth, it can probably paralyze you with a single bite. And that's just the women...