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Iran Announces Manned Space Mission Plans

Posted by timothy on from the look-out-below dept.

Lucas123 writes "After Iran's first attempt to launch a satellite on Sunday fell noticeably short of the Earth's atmosphere (though Iran claimed it made it into orbit), government officials stated they intend to put a man into space within 10 years. The long-range ballistic technology used to put satellites into space can also be used for launching weapons. Iran says it has no intention to use the technology for launching nuclear warheads."

15 of 559 comments (clear)

  1. They will start... by Thelasko · · Score: 4, Funny

    with a budget of $50 and use a hedgehog as a proof of concept to secure further funding.

    --
    One of our competitors trademarked the term "hypothesis". From now on, we will call them "boneheaded ideas".
  2. Atmosphere out of reach... by MarvinIsANerd · · Score: 5, Funny

    "After Iran's first attempt to launch a satellite on Sunday fell noticeably short of the Earth's atmosphere"

    And we all know how hard it is to reach the Earth's atmosphere!

    1. Re:Atmosphere out of reach... by Areyoukiddingme · · Score: 5, Funny

      And if you read to the end, you see it took four people to come up with that linguistic gem... The author, two contributors, and an explicitly named editor.

      From people who are paid to communicate. That's all they do.

      The species is doomed...

      Fortunately I hear magpies are self-aware...

    2. Re:Atmosphere out of reach... by Thelasko · · Score: 4, Funny

      And we all know how hard it is to reach the Earth's atmosphere!

      It is if your launching a missile from underwater you insensitive clod!

      Wow, I never thought I would use the "insensitive clod" joke... but there it is.

      --
      One of our competitors trademarked the term "hypothesis". From now on, we will call them "boneheaded ideas".
  3. Should provide entertainment. by halivar · · Score: 5, Funny

    Will there be a Iranian Space Information Minister to tell us about all the wonderful things happening in the space program?

    "Our cosmonauts have reported to have seen from space that Italy looks like the boot of Allah striking the Zionist regime. Soon we will harvest the moon for cheese and will no longer rely on the vile cartoon-drawing Danish."

    Now mods... before you mod me flamebait, first consider this: could I possibly be trolling, instead?

    1. Re:Should provide entertainment. by dotancohen · · Score: 4, Funny

      The Jews control Sicily now?!

      You really didn't think that Moshe's Pizza in Haifa would keep us satisfied for very long, did you?

      --
      It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
  4. Sensationalism Much? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    The long-range ballistic technology used to put satellites into space can also be used for launching weapons. Iran says it has no intention to use the technology for launching nuclear warheads."

    It could also be used to deliver a payload of the following things to the earth from orbit

    - Ice Cream
    - Ninja Stars
    - Signed copies of Limbo of the Lost or Daikatana

    You think that we could leave the nefarious plans, no matter how obvious, up to the readers? Sheesh!

  5. Re:but will they get him back down? by Clay+Pigeon+-TPF-VS- · · Score: 4, Funny

    There will be no homosexuals in Iran because the government will send them all into orbit without means to get back down alive.

    --
    Viral software licensing is not freedom, it is in fact GNU/Socialism.
  6. now that's thinking outside the box by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

    A small child can be trained on video games and then sealed into the warhead's reentry vehicle to steer it down to its target. Won't add too much weight, and it's probably cheaper to develop than an equivalent electronic guidance package, given the flexibility and intelligence of the control module. A culture of martyrdom gives Iran some interesting design options.

  7. Re:developing technology for a nuclear weapons prg by Life+Liberty+Freedom · · Score: 4, Funny

    And maybe the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny are real too....

  8. Re:Countering propaganda by Mix+Master+Nixon · · Score: 4, Funny

    Or, you could just say "Bring it on!" That worked wonders for us in Iraq.

    --
    Oppressing an entire population is never cheap.
    --Jeckler (/. Beta IS GARBAGE!)
  9. Re:but will they get him back down? by funwithBSD · · Score: 3, Funny

    Oxygen? Insha'Allah.

    --
    Never answer an anonymous letter. - Yogi Berra
  10. Irans business-plan by ZarathustraDK · · Score: 5, Funny

    1. Drill a lot of oil.

    2. Send iranians into space.

    3. ???????

    4 Prophet!!!

    --
    If you quote this signature there'll be 72 copies of Windows ME waiting for you in Heaven.
  11. Re:but will they get him back down? by JamesRose · · Score: 3, Funny

    You do realise this will result in it raining men.?

  12. Exporting the dark ages to outer space by Deputy+Doodah · · Score: 3, Funny

    Then they'll be able stone women to death with moon rocks.