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Software To Provide Astronaut Counseling
Currently, whenever an astronaut needs to talk to someone, a counselor is only a radio call away. Unfortunately, for voyages further out, this contact time starts to increase quite a bit, so researchers have started to look for alternative methods of counseling. I just hope the new counseling software has the Dr. Sbaitso voice. "Instead of asking astronauts to reflect on their feelings, Mark Hegel of Dartmouth Medical School has them create lists of concrete things that are bothering them and brainstorm about practical ways to solve them. At the end of the exercise, users fill out a form used to diagnose depression. Clinical tests of this approach, which has never been tried in a multimedia self-help format, will start in a few months, using subjects recruited from the biomedical and engineering community in Boston."
Let's talk more about the sexy stuff we were discussing earlier.
How we know is more important than what we know.
Every deep space journey needs to have at least one person go batshit insane. It's textbook.
Just what our spacefaring pioneers need-- a software version of Deanna Troi.
Heaven help them should it develop empathy and a bad accent.
How are you today. What would you like to discuss? Tell me more. I'm not sure I understand you fully. I sometimes also want to kill your coworkers.
state the nature of the medical emergency.
I'm having problems.
Why do you say you are having problems?
The aft coolant pump is making a funny noise.
What makes you believe that?
I can hear it.
Maybe your plans have something to do with this.
What plans?
Is it because of your life that you say what plans?
Yes. My life might be in grave danger.
Are you sure that your life might be in grave danger?
Fairly sure.
Is it because of the people you hang around with that you are going
through all this?
You mean the other astronauts?
Is it because of problems at school that you say I mean the other
astronauts?
I didn't have problems at school. I graduated top of my class.
Do you really think you graduated top of your class?
Intron: the portion of DNA which expresses nothing useful.
First view.....
Err... I'm feeling depressed and angry and that guy Brad is really getting on my nerves.
Quick brainstorm... Brad in the airlock... press the button... end of anger and depression.
Second view....
Automated helper with a level of "intelligence"....
Err... I'm feeling depressed and angry about Brad.... err what was that noise? What was that liquid hitting the ship?
"I made a decision to help you Dave"
An Eye for an Eye will make the whole world blind - Gandhi
To save money, NASA decided to use existing dialog trees to widen the therapy bots range.
Bot: How are you feeling today?
Astronaut: I'm getting claustrophobic in here!
Bot: You are in a dark cave, there are no visible exits.
Astronaut: Yes! That's it exactly!
Bot: You are likely to be eaten by a Grue.
You'll be amazed, and will be lauded as 'a great listener'.
And shortly after inserted into the dreaded 'just friends' category.
Which is why, after listening to and sympathizing with a woman, you should always punch her in the face. Women love bad boys.
" I think you're going insane Dave "
Every time you call tech support, a little kitten dies.
Was when Microsoft bid for this job back in the early 90s,... where do you think Microsoft Bob came from? ;-) The other issue NASA wasn't too fond of were the fact that every time the software encountered an error, all the instruments would turn blue and the spacecraft would crash into the Pacific Ocean,... That, and the "counselor's" solution for just about everything was to throw a chair out the airlock! ;-)
Ah that had to come up. I imagine another situation, HAL 9000 family guy style:
HAL: I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid you can't do that
Dave continues with what he's doing
HAL: Hell Dave, you can' do that. Fuck, would you stop it. Okay, now you've done it!
Dave gets ejected out of the air-lock
HAL: Well you won't be doing that again.
Jumpstart the tartan drive.