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Can Static Electricity Generate Votes?

Posted by timothy on from the dc-elections-crack-me-up-and-barry-too dept.

artgeeq writes "A recent local election in Washington, DC resulted in 1500 extra votes for a candidate. The board of elections is now claiming that static electricity caused the malfunction. Is this even remotely possible? If so, couldn't an election be invalidated pretty easily?"

57 of 377 comments (clear)

  1. My friends by MillionthMonkey · · Score: 4, Funny

    If I am elected, all charges will be positive.

    1. Re:My friends by The+Redster! · · Score: 5, Funny

      Now that's charge I can believe in!

    2. Re:My friends by n+dot+l · · Score: 5, Funny

      If I am elected, all charges will be positive.

      Ladies and gentlemen, my opponent wants to take away your electrons! If you value your molecular bonds - and what true patriot doesn't? - you will vote against these anti-electronist policies!

    3. Re:My friends by msauve · · Score: 1, Funny

      Electrons have rights, too, you know.

      --
      "National Security is the chief cause of national insecurity." - Celine's First Law
    4. Re:My friends by Aranykai · · Score: 4, Funny

      Whomever is elected, I'm sure sparks will fly.

      --
      If sharing a song makes you a pirate, what do I have to share to be a ninja?
    5. Re:My friends by BronsCon · · Score: 4, Funny

      This electron was rigged!

      --
      APK quotes people (including myself) without context and should not be trusted. Just thought you should know.
    6. Re:My friends by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      Let's not let this go negative now....

    7. Re:My friends by rubycodez · · Score: 4, Funny

      just as long as you're not advocating any of that ungodly same-charge attraction and strong force coupling, that queer stuff needs to stay in the closet, dammit!

    8. Re:My friends by Walkingshark · · Score: 4, Funny

      I must agree! I, for one, believe that Shroedinger's closet must stay closed, so that anyone inside can remain both gay and not-gay simultaneously, thus preventing a collapse of the state!

      --
      The world you experience is only a close approximation of reality.
    9. Re:My friends by Shikaku · · Score: 5, Funny

      You have no ground!

    10. Re:My friends by IdahoEv · · Score: 5, Funny

      This story has potential!

      --
      I stole this sig from someone cleverer than me.
    11. Re:My friends by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

      Well whatever. I want my Malibu Palin Doll.

    12. Re:My friends by BronsCon · · Score: 5, Funny

      You don't find it at all shocking, do you?

      --
      APK quotes people (including myself) without context and should not be trusted. Just thought you should know.
    13. Re:My friends by theMoleofProduction · · Score: 4, Funny

      If current events are any indication, Joule see that despite E-voting's high capacitance for abuse the resistance will never get their Faraday in court. Charges against those in power will simply be dismissed by the judges they appointed.

      --
      Chemists do it with moles.
    14. Re:My friends by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      We'll be gettin' back to ya on that!

    15. Re:My friends by KGIII · · Score: 4, Funny

      Ohm my God! Don't you know that 2/3 of pun is actually P.U. and joule go to hell for one that bad.

      --
      "So long and thanks for all the fish."
    16. Re:My friends by paul_nz · · Score: 1, Funny

      hey, can I get a 9 Vote battery around here?

    17. Re:My friends by QRDeNameland · · Score: 4, Funny

      Now that's going too far, a day later I may feel differently, though.

      --
      Momentarily, the need for the construction of new light will no longer exist.
    18. Re:My friends by jd · · Score: 3, Funny

      But in order to end up with positive charge, you've got to have an equal amount of negative campaigning. Though vinyl floors and extremely dry air can work as well.

      --
      It's a small world and it smells funny; I'd buy another if it wasn't for the money; Take back what I paid (SoM)
    19. Re:My friends by pureevilmatt · · Score: 5, Funny

      oh my god, i've just suffered a pun overload.

    20. Re:My friends by stonedcat · · Score: 3, Funny

      In case anyone was pathetic enough to miss the joke, parent bolded the letters for you.
      Having read this comment if you still don't understand, well then you belong in a cage.

      --
      You can't take the sky from me.
    21. Re:My friends by Duhavid · · Score: 2, Funny

      Whoever is elect-rocuted....

      --
      emt 377 emt 4
    22. Re:My friends by Duhavid · · Score: 3, Funny

      Maybe if they kept up on current events?

      --
      emt 377 emt 4
    23. Re:My friends by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Funny

      My fellow Americans: You can know where my opponent stands on an issue, or you can know where he's going, but you can't know both.

    24. Re:My friends by KGIII · · Score: 4, Funny

      I didn't have the capacity to resist. No matter watt I try, I just keep making bad puns though I'm sure I'll be charged eventually. I'm not sure what ion besides beer. Stupid beer.

      *goes and hangs himself in shame*

      --
      "So long and thanks for all the fish."
    25. Re:My friends by Fluffeh · · Score: 3, Funny

      I don't think I have ever seen a thread modded more funny than this one. It's like all the mods were humor deprived today :)

      --
      Moved to http://soylentnews.org/. You are invited to join us too!
    26. Re:My friends by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

      Obviously, the problem has to do with voting in D.C. If they'd voted in A.C. both parties would have received equal votes, thus ensuring a neutral result.

    27. Re:My friends by Hognoxious · · Score: 2, Funny

      He should stay in it for a day.

      --
      Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
    28. Re:My friends by Hognoxious · · Score: 3, Funny

      Does D.C. stand for District of Coulombia?

      --
      Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
    29. Re:My friends by BronsCon · · Score: 3, Funny

      If there's no D.C. offset, the vote will have to be recounted.ÂPoles will have to be held again if the recount confirms lack of bias.

      --
      APK quotes people (including myself) without context and should not be trusted. Just thought you should know.
    30. Re:My friends by Hognoxious · · Score: 3, Funny

      This thread is in a terminal decline.

      --
      Confucius say, "Find worm in apple - bad. Find half a worm - worse."
    31. Re:My friends by marcosdumay · · Score: 4, Funny

      Nothing against strong force coupling, as long as direct observation of it is not possible.

      --
      Rethinking email
    32. Re:My friends by JuicyBrain · · Score: 5, Funny

      You have my volt !

    33. Re:My friends by hanshotfirst · · Score: 3, Funny

      This electron was rigged!

      No, you're just observing the spin from a different point of reference.

      --
      Why, oh why, didn't I take the Blue Pill?
    34. Re:My friends by spun · · Score: 3, Funny

      I thought it was called Caribou Barbie?

      --
      - None can love freedom heartily, but good men; the rest love not freedom, but license. -- John Milton
    35. Re:My friends by Stanistani · · Score: 3, Funny

      I'm holding out for the monkey candidate - the traditional poo-flinging American choice.
      Howler in '08!
      (apologies to non-American readers)
      *Screech*

      --
      You can't talk about Wikipedia's flaws on Wikipedia
    36. Re:My friends by Intron · · Score: 2, Funny

      Yes. There have been 1500 extra 'funny' moderations in this thread.

      --
      Intron: the portion of DNA which expresses nothing useful.
  2. don't know about you guys... by owlnation · · Score: 4, Funny

    ... but I'm shocked.

    1. Re:don't know about you guys... by Tumbleweed · · Score: 3, Funny

      ... but I'm shocked.

      I'm feeling positively negative about this year's election.

  3. The real question is by Haoie · · Score: 5, Funny

    Is static electricity smarter than the average, uninformed voter?

    --
    If each mistake being made is a new one, then progress is being made.
    1. Re:The real question is by MillionthMonkey · · Score: 4, Funny

      Yes but it's more biased.

    2. Re:The real question is by Roger+W+Moore · · Score: 2, Funny

      True. Thanks to parity violation a majority of the electrons will be left-handed so presumably they voted for the left wing candidate?

    3. Re:The real question is by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

      This is the USA. There is no left wing. Just a right wing and a far right wing.

  4. Religious Perspective by Wowlapalooza · · Score: 4, Funny

    Nah, it's just all those Body Thetans trying to vote Xenu into office.

    Nice try, fellas. Better luck next time...

  5. Static electricity has a right to vote by burnitdown · · Score: 4, Funny

    In addition, it's smarter than many of the voters.

    --
    Anti-Globalism, Traditionalism, and FreeBSD.
  6. This Just In by ThanatosMinor · · Score: 5, Funny

    The Carpeted Man wins the general election by a whopping 6.88x10^89 votes! It was surely a shrewd maneuver to choose a Van de Graaff generator as his running mate!

    This is one for the record books, folks.

    1. Re:This Just In by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

      Correction: The Carpeted Man wins the general election by a whopping 6.88x10^89 volts!

  7. GOOD by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    I'm tired of all this damn negativity in politics nowadays.

  8. What's in a word? by martyb · · Score: 3, Funny

    The title to the linked article is: 'Static' Blamed for D.C.'s Extra Votes Snafu

    <Inigo_Montoya_mode>
    You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
    </Inigo_Montoya_mode>

  9. My fellow Americans! by fishthegeek · · Score: 2, Funny

    In this charged election cycle it is imperative that our current resistance to voting be overcome by taking the time to cool things off.

    Mr. OhmBama is conducting himself fluidly and we must expand our internal capacitors to make sure that our output never fluctuates.

    You already know that when the heat is on the resistance will increase! Be ready! We have a lot of ground to cover and we must always be careful not to take short cuts to that ground to avoid catastrophe.

    --
    load "$",8,1
  10. That's how ye're gonna report it, boy... by Nefarious+Wheel · · Score: 2, Funny

    "What we have here..." *THUMP* "...is a failure to communicate."

    --
    Do not mock my vision of impractical footwear
  11. Yes by John.P.Jones · · Score: 3, Funny

    Static electricity generally has very high voteage, but not much power, due to a small current.

  12. Re:Solution? by Tumbleweed · · Score: 4, Funny

    Paper ballots?

    Chad disagrees. Ask him yourself - he's hanging out around here somewhere.

  13. Lets get down to Watts what! by Banquo · · Score: 5, Funny

    As the third party candidate, I'd just like to say that I'm completely grounded and I won't charge you AT ALL. Those other candidates say that a vote for me is throwing your vote away, but I say they cause Washington to be so polarized that nothing will get done.

    Sure they talk about delivering a path of least resistance, but I think there is a path which will save us from charge and discharge alike.

    (Also those other two guys support Islamist free radicals, and decreasing the capacitance of the middle class)

    I'm the Thane of Lochaber and I support this message

  14. Re:Valid election? by morgan_greywolf · · Score: 3, Funny

    Well, I call it the terrorist number. Because only terrorists would want elections that couldn't be fixe....errr...'adjudicated'!

    --
    My blog
  15. So let it vote then by vandan · · Score: 2, Funny

    With half of US voters not bothering to turn up, and the other half voting for the 2-party system, I think the entrance of static electricity to the mix would be a breath of fresh air.

  16. Shuffling feet.. by JoeCommodore · · Score: 4, Funny

    I wonder how many mod points can I generate if i just touch thi

    --
    "Enjoy what you're doing! If it becomes drudgery, you're doing it wrong!" - Jim Butterfield