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Matt Hazard Returns

Posted by Soulskill on from the blast-from-the-not-past dept.

D3Publisher has announced Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard, bringing everyone's favorite gun-toting superstar back to the forefront of gaming culture. Or at least, that's what they tell us. Nobody's actually ever seen or played a Matt Hazard title before; it's just a clever marketing campaign for what is essentially a parody game based on popular shooter standards. They've even made a fake history of Matt Hazard games. "Eat Lead parodies some of our fondest memories in classic gaming and pop culture, so gamers will have a laugh out loud experience everytime they pick-up the controller," said Pete Andrew, a D3P exec.

31 comments

  1. So essentially by Misanthrope · · Score: 5, Funny

    A game that closely parodies shooters including Duke Nukem.....was developed and came out before Duke Nukem Forever....

    1. Re:So essentially by Afforess · · Score: 1

      Nah, Matt Hazard is more likely a long lost twin to Duke Nukem. Good thing we found him. Sorta.

      --
      If our elected representatives no longer represent us, do we still live in a Democracy?
    2. Re:So essentially by PhasmatisApparatus · · Score: 2, Insightful

      I can't help but get the feeling that someone got impatient waiting for DNF and decided to take matters into their own hands. And like DNF, it quickly became a joke.

    3. Re:So essentially by KDR_11k · · Score: 1

      Yes, we call it Serious Sam. It even got 1.5 sequels before DNF got released.

      --
      Justice is the sheep getting arrested while an impartial judge declares the vote void.
    4. Re:So essentially by kosamae · · Score: 2, Insightful

      How can you parody "Duke Nukem" when it was already a parody of action movie hero stereotypes?

  2. Who? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    Never heard of him. Is he related to the Dukes?

    1. Re:Who? by doctor_nation · · Score: 0, Flamebait

      Wow, it takes a special kind of laziness to not even read the summary! You must be a grad student or something. Or a really good programmer.

    2. Re:Who? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

      It's not laziwhatever you said. I still have no idea who he is. The summary acts like he's all super famous ala Mario or Sonic or Great Puma, but he's not.

    3. Re:Who? by giostickninja · · Score: 1

      I know it's difficult, but try reading all the way to the third sentence of the summary. That should clear things up.

    4. Re:Who? by NoobixCube · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Again, I would like to point out an acronym I suggested a while back: OFFSALRTFS! - "Oh For Fuck's Sake At Least Read The Fucking Summary!" The logical progression from RTFA.

      --
      Admit it. You post strawman arguments as AC so you get modded Insightful for refuting them, rather than Troll
    5. Re:Who? by hairyfeet · · Score: 2, Insightful

      Too long and hard to remember. I suggest RTFSS "Read The Fucking Summary Shithead". It is nice and short,clear and to the point. And of course for those that refuse to even bother to look in the manual before asking stupid questions you could have RTFMD "Read The Fucking Manual Douchebag" which again is short(only one extra letter),clear and gets your irritation across. Both are certainly easier to remember at 3AM than OFFSALRTFS!

      --
      ACs don't waste your time replying, your posts are never seen by me.
  3. Just wow... by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    There's nothing about this game that says it will be good, except apparently its advertising campaign. Really lame slashvertisement, tag appropriately.

  4. Viral marketing by PhasmatisApparatus · · Score: 2, Funny

    It's amazing how well it works. It looks like people have already started to copy and repost the Matt hazard YouTube videos.

  5. Mythbusters by Kamineko · · Score: 1

    Matt Hazard should absolutely totally be the next new Mythbuster.

    I wonder why this website is full of broken links? (And not slashdotted ones) I mean, if you're going to do something like this properly, you usually put all the pictures and websites together first, and then do the spamming. Right?

    1. Re:Mythbusters by nog_lorp · · Score: 1

      My impression is that this is a 'fansite' linking to the "out of business original publisher's" website, which is down.

  6. The Important Question by Afforess · · Score: 1

    The Important Question here is what type of copy-protection (if any) that they will use.

    --
    If our elected representatives no longer represent us, do we still live in a Democracy?
  7. They already made this game.. by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 3, Insightful

    It was called Serious Sam

    1. Re:They already made this game.. by Red_Chaos1 · · Score: 1

      Actually, I think Postal2 was more of a parody of games of this genre than Serious Sam was.

  8. jkb by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 0

    gamers will have a laugh out loud experience everytime they pick-up the controller.

    So it comes up with a hilarious controller?

  9. Platform irony by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 2, Interesting

    This is a console game, no PC version announced. So, 90% of the players won't get the jokes that are supposedly about old school FPS, and the people who would appreciate the jokes won't be playing the game. On top of that, D3, the publisher, has a fairly bad record of the way they handle PC publishing -- see Puzzle Quest, in which they used a PC demo to showcase the game early on, but did not deliver a PC full version until a year after the consoles, and when they did, there was no matchmaking service for multiplayer.

    I think this will turn out to be a pretty good exercise in futility.

    1. Re:Platform irony by Secret+Rabbit · · Score: 0, Troll

      Totally! Because, console gamers clearly have never played a game on a PC nor even owned one!

  10. The "Fake History" site is great... by pushing-robot · · Score: 3, Informative

    The java image ripple, the explosion animated gifs, the colors, the red frames around images, the webring footer, the 404-ed image links, the table-based design with nary a div or stylesheet — it really feels like a ten year old geocities page.

    The only things I could imagine would "improve" it are a lower-color (web safe!) background image, entirely square-cornered sidebars, and no Google ad bar.

    Still, I've seen a lot of parody "old" pages, and this is one of the best. Kudos to the designer!

    --
    How can I believe you when you tell me what I don't want to hear?
    1. Re:The "Fake History" site is great... by giostickninja · · Score: 1

      and no Google ad bar.

      Take a closer look...the Google ad bar is fake. All the links point to "dead" Matt Hazard sites. It's the next best thing to hosting the page on Geosites!

      My personal favorite, however, is the poor grammar and spelling. It makes you totally beleive that the site was made by a 14 year old fanboy, like my old Descent webpage back in the day.

    2. Re:The "Fake History" site is great... by nog_lorp · · Score: 1

      Click the google ads :D

      I wonder if that is legal actually.

    3. Re:The "Fake History" site is great... by Tyris · · Score: 1

      Parody is a protected form of speech, so should be fine.

    4. Re:The "Fake History" site is great... by nog_lorp · · Score: 1

      Yeh, but I don't think the protection extends to use of trademarks - doesn't that seem infringing? Usually a parody would say, perhaps, Goggle or something.

      Regardless, I doubt Google would take issue.

  11. So... by nog_lorp · · Score: 1

    Anyone wanna buy 1317-times.com? :D

  12. "will have a laugh out loud experience" by jellybear · · Score: 1

    OMGE, I am having a laugh out loud experience just seeing how idiotic corporate language has become. HALOLE! HAROFLMAOE!

  13. My buddy will love this by djlemma · · Score: 1

    I happen to have a friend named Matt Hazard. He's a former marine, and pretty close to an action hero to begin with. Just look at his awesome shades.