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Virtual Fence Could Modernize the Old West

Hugh Pickens writes "For more than a century, ranchers in the West have kept cattle in place with fences of barbed wire, split wood and, more recently, electrified wires. Now, animal science researchers with the Department of Agriculture are working on a system that will allow cowboys to herd their cattle remotely via radio by singing commands and whispering into their ears and tracking movements by satellite and computer. A video of Dean Anderson, a researcher at the USDA's Jornada Experimental Range at Las Cruces, NM., shows how he has built radios that attach to an animal's head that allow a person at the other end to issue a range of commands — gentle singing, sharp commands, or a buzz like a bee or snake — to get the cattle to move where one wants them to. Anderson says it would cost $900 today to put a radio device on one head of cattle, but he says costs will fall and the entire herd wouldn't have to be outfitted, just the 'leaders.' Much of the research has focused on how cattlemen can identify which cattle in their herds are the ones that the others follow."

15 of 216 comments (clear)

  1. Rustlin' by halcyon1234 · · Score: 3, Funny

    So what happens when a posse of rustlers comes along with a roll of tin foil?

    1. Re:Rustlin' by Idiomatick · · Score: 3, Funny

      You are right, we should be mounting laser cannons on them.

    2. Re:Rustlin' by Yvan256 · · Score: 2, Funny

      The last thing we need is land sharks.

  2. Re:This sounds laughably impractical by magarity · · Score: 5, Funny

    You've taken it way too seriously - in reality, the whole 'cattle herd' thing is an allegory for political parties. Read it again and it'll make sense this time.

  3. A first step by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    "For more than a century, politicians in the West have kept sheeple in place with fences of barbed wire, split wood and, more recently, American Idol. Now Sheeple researchers with the Department of Homeland Security, are working on a system that will allow politicans to herd their sheeple remotely via radio by singing commands and whispering into their ears and tracking movements by satellite and computer. A video of Richard Dean Anderson, a researcher at [Secret Base], shows how he has built radios that attach to a sheeple's head (called bluetooth headsets) that allow a person at the other end to issue a range of commands -- gentle singing, sharp commands, or a buzz like a bee or snake -- to get the sheeple to move where one wants them to. Anderson says it would cost $900 today to put a radio device on one person, but he says costs will fall and the entire population wouldn't have to be outfitted, just the "troublemakers." Much of the research has focused on how DHS can identify which sheeple in their herds are the ones that the others follow."

    I'm upping my tin foil.

  4. Suddenly by Technopaladin · · Score: 5, Funny

    All these Bluetooth wearing peoples existence becomes clear...they were the prototype for Cattle management. Truly the work has flipped upside down. I would love to see Rattlesnake, Bee, growling pumped into those things while people cruised around.

  5. Re:This sounds laughably impractical by cayenne8 · · Score: 5, Funny
    Great...so now..instead of cattle rustlers, you're gonna have cattle hackers???

    Man..that is seriously going to fuck with good western movies from now on. How do you string up the rustler/hacker when the bad guy is in Russia, and you're in TX somewhere?

    --
    Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.........
  6. Screw Halo 3... by PinkyDead · · Score: 4, Funny

    I wanna play World of Warcow.

    --
    Genesis 1:32 And God typed :wq!
  7. Mooooo by VincenzoRomano · · Score: 3, Funny

    Moooo!
    - Please, come back to the stable!
    Moooo!
    - OK, you force me to use brute force!
    Moooo ... bzzzzzz ... MOOOOOO!
    - I told you!

    --
    Maybe Computers will never be as intelligent as Humans.
    For sure they won't ever become so stupid. [VR-1988]
  8. Re:This sounds laughably impractical by RMH101 · · Score: 3, Funny

    Yes, those we outsource instead.

  9. Re:This sounds laughably impractical by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    I have stared into the void that is the eye of a bovine creature and the void also stared back.

    That sounds like my last trip to McDonalds. It's bovines serving bovines to bovines. Bovines all the way down.

  10. Re:This sounds laughably impractical by dilvish_the_damned · · Score: 4, Funny

    did I mention you can't lead them down a set of stairs?

    If I had a dime for every time I hid a cow in my bedroom...

    --
    I think you underestimate just how much I just dont care.
  11. Re:This sounds laughably impractical by kat_skan · · Score: 4, Funny

    Personally I think it's worth sacrificing that old trope in exchange for the possibility that any mall anywhere in America could spontaneously be invaded by radio-controlled cows.

  12. Re:This sounds laughably impractical by Hurricane78 · · Score: 2, Funny

    for the possibility that any mall anywhere in America could spontaneously be invaded by radio-controlled cows.

    Possibility?

    I see that every day, ...here at Walmart.

    --
    Any sufficiently advanced intelligence is indistinguishable from stupidity.
  13. head vs. other end by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 1, Funny

    > radios that attach to an animal's head that allow a person at the other end...

    hmm, where's this person supposed to be, say again?