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How To Cut In Line and Not Get Caught
ewenc writes "A psychology study of hundreds of people waiting for front-row access to U2 concerts points to the best ways to cut in line and not get caught. 'Super-fans' are most irked by queue-jumpers. People were equally peeved whether someone cut in front or behind, and cutters who jumped beside a friend were less likely to attract scorn."
For full study results, see this month's Journal of American Douchebag Studies.
SJW: Someone who has run out of real oppression, and has to fake it.
is to pretend you're doing a study on line cutting, and interview someone near the front just as they start letting people in. Then release an actual study to prevent reprisals. Then profit?
Given the history of concentration camps, I'm not so sure I'd be all that eager to get in any line at all, let alone cut towards the front.
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Oddly enough, when I read the title "How To Cut In Line and Not Get Caught", the first thing I thought was, "Does it involve explosions?".
The best way to cut in line without getting caught is to create a diversion, though I'll admit that explosions around a large crowd are probably not a good idea.... Controlled pyrotechnics, might do it, however, e.g. smoke bombs and/or carefully planted sparklers to make it look like an overhead electrical line is about to drop onto the crowd. A bunch of growling, barking dogs being chased down the street by their handlers might also do the trick. Other possibilities include a live bear, a cat fight between two hired actresses, or an alien spacecraft landing nearby... until somebody invents the SEP field, that is.
Of course, an ideal plan would include all of the above simultaneously. Sadly, if someone has time to plan such an elaborate diversion, he/she probably has time to get in line earlier, and as such, everything in this post is a terrible idea. Remember, kids, don't try this at home....
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When I was a kid at Six Flags I used to yell MOM! at the top of my lungs until I got towards the front of the line. Worked like a champ. I've changed it to calling out my kids names and asking if someone has seen my 8 year old, about yea high, etc etc... Sometimes I get called on it but it's usually worth the risk.
no application, they just cut in line when the gov was handing out research grants
Best queue jumping story so far.
unless you use a knife
The article references "line Nazis" who mark everyone's hand with their position in line.
Obviously, you write a "1" on your hand, walk to the front of the line, then walk back along the line counting people. 30 peole back, you write "31" on someone's hand, hand them a marker and tell them to work their way backwards while you work your way forwards. You get to the front of the line, write "2" on the first guy's hand, nod with satisfaction at a job well done, and turn to face front.
If anyone objects, you just show them your hand...
It might look like I'm writing a reply to this post, but actually I'm just trying to get as close to the top of the page as possible.
This effectively adds another 30 people in front of you, pushing you back another 30 minutes, while speeding them up about an hour and a half.
It gets worse when people start to give birth.
Why don't they just get a mage to polymorph them all into sheep like every other group that needs crowd control?
Cuting in line a problem? Ha! In South America we don't have such problem, as there aren't any lines. We replace a long period of diciplined standing time with a short period of mayhem until you get through the gate.
I dunno. In the UK at least you're liable to a severe tutting. Oh, the shame!
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Heh. I just say, "Excuse me" and "Pardon me, Cutting." People appreciate when you're being honest with them.
Maybe his name is Dick.
Ant(Dude) @ Quality Foraged Links (AQFL.net) & The Ant Farm (antfarm.ma.cx / antfarm.home.dhs.org).
I went to a Madness concert a few years back, it was delayed by a few hours and we arrived a bit late too only to see a massive queue of people waiting.
My dad being the big fan of Madness that he is didnt really want to stand at the back so near the front of the queue we saw two people drinking beer and already seemed fairly drunk and just randomly started talking to them acting like we were best friends. Concert queues are good in that sense as everyone seems to be friendly and you know you already have the band in common. The people infront of us didnt care and the people behind us thought we were in the same group.
I got front row nearby a speaker and my punishment since has been living with tinnitus. Cheating always has a price attached to it.
Hey somebody cut!
My mom told me the stork brings them. Delivery takes 4-6 weeks.
I am interested in your ideas and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
Just because you had government sponsored dickery training and license at one time does not make it right.
It just makes your dickery portfolio thicker with dickery experience unavailable to the average "civilian" dick.
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
But if we combined these two fields of research, perhaps we could build a more powerful bomb that only targets pricks who cut in line!
I'm so excited I just made water in my pantaloons!
And I'm jumping in beside a friend. It's less likely to attract scorn.
In Soviet Russia line cuts you?
Close enough ;)
It reminds me of Archimedes who, sitting in a tub, had an idea of a lightbulb above his head. Normaly you would say that it would be a stupid idea, having it when you are in a bath. Somehow the idea did catch on to have lightbulbs not only in the bathroom, but everywhere else as well.
Don't fight for your country, if your country does not fight for you.