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This Is the Way the World Ends

Dave Knott writes "The CBC's weekly science radio show Quirks and Quarks this week features a countdown of the top ten planetary doomsday scenarios. Nine science professors and one science fiction author are asked to give (mostly) realistic hypotheses of the ways in which the planet Earth and its inhabitants can be destroyed. These possibilities for mankind's extinction include super-volcanoes, massive gamma ray bursts, and everybody's favorite, the killer asteroid. Perhaps the most terrifying prediction is the reversal of the Earth's magnetic field (combined with untimely solar activity), a periodic event which is currently 1/4 million years overdue."

12 of 394 comments (clear)

  1. Tsk Tsk Tsk by antifoidulus · · Score: 5, Funny

    not a single one of them even considered the possibility of streams getting crossed...for shame!

    1. Re:Tsk Tsk Tsk by daniorerio · · Score: 4, Funny

      I thought seeing Bee Movie *was* the end of the world...

    2. Re:Tsk Tsk Tsk by John+Bayko · · Score: 4, Funny

      Would that mean that I'd have to go outside once in a while? Dangit!

      Naked.

      So bees can get at your stamen.

  2. I already know how the world end. by stonefoz · · Score: 4, Funny

    Wait till I find my r-37, space modulator.

    --
    I think I just cashed out all my cool points.
  3. vogons? by adavies42 · · Score: 5, Funny

    no interstellar bypass?

    --
    Media that can be recorded and distributed can be recorded and distributed.
    -kfg
  4. Re:Um, global thermonuclear war? by ionix5891 · · Score: 4, Funny

    its ok Obama will save us

  5. Too late, it's gone. by apathy+maybe · · Score: 4, Funny

    According to the International Earth-Destruction Advisory Board, the current "Earth-Destruction Alert Level" is "RED". Which means that the Earth has been destroyed.
    A quote from the FAQ:

    My baby's in there!

    Your baby has most likely been destroyed.

    ----

    Anyway, for you deluded fools who think the Earth is still around, take head of this warning:

    The Earth is built to last. It is a 4,550,000,000-year-old, 5,973,600,000,000,000,000,000-tonne ball of iron. It has taken more devastating asteroid hits in its lifetime than you've had hot dinners, and lo, it still orbits merrily. So my first piece of advice to you, dear would-be Earth-destroyer, is: do NOT think this will be easy.

    Obviously it's a little out of date now, 'cause those rascals at CERN managed the job, but still...

    I note that the fools from the article don't actually want to destroy the Earth (well maybe one or two of the scenarios might break it apart or something), otherwise they would have come up with some scenarios like:

    • Annihilated by an equivalent quantity of antimatter
    • Cooked in a solar oven
    • Meticulously and systematically deconstructed

    (Quote and methods from How to destroy the Earth.)

    Fools, I'll show them all!

    --
    I wank in the shower.
  6. Re:Overdue? by slim · · Score: 4, Funny

    People shouldn't still be anthropomorphizing natural phenomena.

    Yeah, the universe hates that.

  7. Re:Most likely scenario by Hal_Porter · · Score: 5, Funny

    Even the most retarded religious fundamentalist understands that dropping a nuclear bomb on someone who has one, or has a country which has one for a friend, isn't such a bright idea.

    snip

    Even actually been to the middle east ?

    Some of the fundamentalists BELIEVE in their god. They don't care if they all die, so long as they go to heaven.

    That's just neocon propaganda. In reality the governments of Iran and North Korea are made up of rational people who will always act in their countries' long term best interests despite their rhetoric. They are totally unlike the US government which will screw up and start wars because of the sort term interest of the ruling class and/or a miscalculation and plunge the world into chaos.

    --
    echo -e 'global _start\n _start:\n mov eax, 2\n int 80h\n jmp _start' > a.asm; nasm a.asm -f elf; ld a.o -o a;
  8. Re:Overdue, eh? by MadnessASAP · · Score: 4, Funny

    Your moms a wild conjecture. IN BED!

    --
    I may agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to face the consequences of saying it.
  9. Re:Um, global thermonuclear war? by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

    We will never kill the earth, even in a worst case senario we'll be nowhere near as bad as some of the significant events of the past like asteroid hits and super volcanos.

    Sounds like a challenge to me!

  10. Missing Option by Arthur+Grumbine · · Score: 5, Funny

    I would vote for the LHC, cuz I saw this totally scary video on Youtube that explained how the LHC was going to create a doorway for Satan. Seriously.

    And hey, if you're going to include a science fiction, why not include a couple biblical/religious predictions? I for one, welcome our 6-winged Seraphim overlords...

    --
    Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure everything I just said is completely wrong.