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British Royal Navy Submarines Now Run Windows

Posted by samzenpus on from the deep-blue-screen dept.

meist3r writes "On his Government blog, Microsoft's Ian McKenzie announced today that the Royal Navy was ahead of schedule for switching their nuclear submarines to a customized Microsoft Windows solution dubbed 'Submarine Command System Next Generation (SMCS NG)' which apparently consists of Windows 2000 network servers and XP workstations. In the article, it is claimed that this decision will save UK taxpayers £22m over the next ten years. The installation of the new system apparently took just 18 days on the HMS Vigilant. According to the BAE Systems press release from 2005, the overall cost of the rollout was £24.5m for all eleven nuclear submarines of the Vanguard, Trafalgar and Swiftsure classes. Talk about staying with the sinking ship."

24 of 725 comments (clear)

  1. BSOD by sleeponthemic · · Score: 5, Funny

    Blue Submarine of Death

    --
    I record my sleeptalking
    1. Re:BSOD by s1lverl0rd · · Score: 5, Funny

      Having Bliss as a wallpaper below sea level would irritate me a lot.

    2. Re:BSOD by TheLink · · Score: 5, Funny

      How about this instead? http://www.flickr.com/photos/rowandw/2276721446/

      Seems more appropriate given the topic.

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    3. Re:BSOD by Hanners1979 · · Score: 5, Funny

      Considering it's a customised Windows-based solution, I would hope that they've at least made it the Yellow Submarine of Death.

    4. Re:BSOD by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

      On my work PC (I don't work in I.T at the moment) the Sysinternal screensaver BSOD was installed as part of the build. Don't ask me why.

      I set it as my default screensaver and thought it was a bit of fun, that is until when I was away on a business trip (trying to RDesktop in) and there was no response from my PC.

      One of the I.T helpdesk muppets had noticed the BSOD on my monitor, not realised it was a screensaver and took my PC away and reimaged it.

      I wasn't happy!

    5. Re:BSOD by ptelligence · · Score: 5, Funny

      I believe the proper term is "WarDiving"

  2. How deep? by bryan1945 · · Score: 5, Funny

    The last time I drove my car into a lake the windows didn't last past 15 feet. Of course my car is American, and those Brits have that funky metric system, so who knows?

    (Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week)

    --
    Vote monkeys into Congress. They are cheaper and more trustworthy.
    1. Re:How deep? by Mark+Hood · · Score: 5, Funny

      Actually we call it 'Imperial' units.

      Damn colonials are getting uppity again, Ponsenby...

      Mark

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    2. Re:How deep? by jabithew · · Score: 5, Funny

      ...I know a pint...

      Ah, a fine university education at work.

      --
      All intents and purposes. Not intensive purposes.
    3. Re:How deep? by Pvt_Ryan · · Score: 5, Funny
      I should correct that:

      "Launch the Nukes", "Sir yes sir", "Sir I have clicked the button, however it is now prompting me 'Are you sure you really want to launch Nuke?'"
      *Presses YES*
      "But are you really really really sure?"
      *Presses YES again*
      "Do you want windows to remember this choice in future?"
      *Presses NO*
      *paperclip appears*
      "Would you like help 'Launching Nuke'?"
      *Presses No*
      *Walks to the main hatch in dispair*
      *Opens main hatch while 100' below the surface using manual leaver to avoid that damn paperclip*

  3. Obvious reason by cjfs · · Score: 5, Funny

    The navy liked their version of minesweeper best.

  4. Won't work by this+great+guy · · Score: 5, Funny

    I mean who in a sane mind would want windows on a submarine ? It's not like there is anything interesting to see in the darkness of the depths.

  5. HMS Bob by Snufu · · Score: 5, Funny

    Tech support: "Can you tell us the problem with your submarine?"
    HMS Bob: "Das Not Boot."

  6. other news by Jeek+Elemental · · Score: 5, Funny

    Wolfgang Petersen is reportedly preparing to make "Das Reboot", a (very) short sequel.

  7. The subs the least of our problems by Evil_Ether · · Score: 5, Funny

    I find the words Windows and nuclear been uttered in the same sentence very disconcerting.

    --
    If taxation is legalized theft, then Capitalism is a prolonged rape followed by a slow death.
    1. Re:The subs the least of our problems by Roland+Piquepaille · · Score: 5, Funny

      Oh yeah? How about "The USAF accidentally dropped a nuclear bomb in Redmond, WA that fortunately didn't explode, but damaged the building of famous Windows OS maker Microsoft, instantly crushing CEO Steve Ballmer and the entire marketing team into a pulp."

      Feel better now?

  8. Re:Learning from prior mistakes by philspear · · Score: 5, Funny

    They did indeed learn from past mistakes and are remarkably forward-thinking. They made a boat that was doomed to fail miserably, named it the Titanic, and said it was unsinkable. Many years later there was a movie made about it that was a box-office smash hit. They're now seeding an even bigger future movie by making certain that ALL their boats will sink.

  9. I am relieved! by Erikderzweite · · Score: 5, Funny

    Now I can sleep safer knowing that if the Brits are about to launch a nuclear missile from a submarine and start WWIII, a UAC window will pop up asking if they are sure about it.

  10. Not a nice environment to work in by Kupfernigk · · Score: 5, Funny
    I was talking to a retired submariner only last week, a former 1st Lt (exec equivalent), and he commented that being in a submarine is like being in prison, only with no visitors. Most submariners hate it. Think about it: you are in a steel box which is actually quite fragile, and your life is entirely dependent on the decisions made by one man. On a surface ship you may have some influence on your fate (shooting down an enemy aircraft with a gun or a missile, deciding exactly when and where to abandon ship) but in a sub you have no control at all.

    Now think about a corporate drone using Windows. Your desktop is locked down, updates are rolled out by IT. If your machine is taken over by an IE exploit, the Exchange server fails, etc. etc., there is nothing you can do about it.

    Conclusion: Windows is the appropriate operating system for submarines.

    --
    From scarped cliff or quarried stone she cries "A thousand types are gone, I care for nothing, no not one."
  11. Here's where the real savings are by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    Summary fails to mention, and sort of implies the opposite; The cost saving is down to using off the shelf hardware, not switching to windows.

    Windows made the submarines on-the-shelf hardware, they'll be sitting pretty on some reef shelf in no time.

    Mr. Malda, I'm submitting the news article for 2009-01-19 ahead of time:
    Microsoft's Ian McKenzie announced today that the entire Royal Navy Nuclear Submarine fleet had sunk due to a Windows buffer overflow. HMS Vigilant's captain, Commander Bob Anstey, said: "I heard my 1st officer shouting 'Captain, Be SOD, Overflow!', so I yelled at him: 'Get the caulking guns ready, you SOD!' and he just gave me a blank stare and said: 'We cannot caulk this one, sir! Vigilant's a goner!' Well, bugger me!"

    In other news:
    HMS Vigilant's captain, Commander Bob Anstey allegedly accidentally fired a nuclear missile at Redmond, Washington in an attempt to complete the Windows Activation of the newly installed 'Submarine Command System Next Generation' customized Windows XP system. "It was a bug, yes, that's it. Some kind of unfortunate bug triggered the 19-step launch sequence," said Commander Anstey. Nobody at or near Microsoft could be reached for a comment.

  12. Sinking ship? by sepelester · · Score: 5, Funny

    Sounds like sub standard software to me

  13. Windows Security Certification by ei4anb · · Score: 5, Funny

    Slashdot people often said that a Windows computer is only secure when encased in a steel box and sunk beneath the sea. So, why complain now?

  14. Re:Learning from prior mistakes by ray-auch · · Score: 5, Funny

    > ... making certain that ALL their boats will sink

    These boats are submarines. They'd be broken if they _didn't_ sink.

  15. Das Reboot by Joce640k · · Score: 5, Funny

    Just came here to say "Das Reboot" in a random place.

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