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Spider Bite Allows Man To Walk Again

Posted by samzenpus on from the web-slinger dept.

Manastorm writes "A man who was wheelchair bound due to a motorcycle accident twenty years ago gained the ability to walk again after being bitten by a recluse spider. 'I can't wait to start dancing,' he said as he looks forward to a full recovery after experiencing what some call a 'true miracle.'" I think we all know how this story is going to end. I hope The Sinister Six have been practicing.

17 of 221 comments (clear)

  1. No radioactivity involved? by R2.0 · · Score: 4, Funny

    No genetic engineering?

    What a let down...

    --
    "As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly." A. Carlson
    1. Re:No radioactivity involved? by phantomfive · · Score: 5, Funny

      You never know. They didn't catch the spider, and it happened in Manteca, California, which is far outside the normal range of the brown recluse spider. However, it is in unusually close proximity to Sutter Buttes, an extinct volcano which would be an ideal place to set up a secret lab for.........experiments. Not that I'm suggesting anything.

      --
      Qxe4
    2. Re:No radioactivity involved? by kbob88 · · Score: 5, Funny

      Repeat after me: there is no secret lab under Sutter Buttes. Certainly not one exactly 322' under Brockman Canyon off Pass Road with henchmen wearing shiny silver suits where several tanks of Sphyrna have recently been delivered. Umm, I mean, these are not the buttes you are looking for...

    3. Re:No radioactivity involved? by Walt+Dismal · · Score: 5, Funny

      I was bitten by a C# bug and now I can spin .NETs. However, my arch-nemesis is Doctor Oct-Torvalds, who has eight tentacle arms powered by a small open-source nuclear reactor.

    4. Re:No radioactivity involved? by Lorens · · Score: 4, Funny

      but nerve regrowth is rare in the spine because spinal fluids prohibit it.

      Guess our intelligent designer needs to go back to the drawing board if (s)he built in a bug like that ;)

      There, corrected that for you. Spiders kill bugs.

  2. First person to make... by Em+Emalb · · Score: 5, Funny

    a spiderman analogy gets beaten about the head, neck, chest, and shoulders with a rocket-propelled spaghetti launcher.

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    Sent from your iPad.
    1. Re:First person to make... by neoform · · Score: 4, Funny

      Forget dancing! He can't wait to climb walls, sling webs and catch Dr. Oct!

      --
      MABASPLOOM!
  3. Re:What a misleading headline by Red+Flayer · · Score: 5, Funny

    Fucking spoilsport.Why can't you let us enjoy our adolescent fantasies of possible superheroism for a little longer?

    I bet you spend the month of December telling little kids at the mall that Santa's a hoax. Miserable bastard.

    --
    "Trolls they were, but filled with the evil will of their master: a fell race..." -- J.R.R. Tolkien on Olog-hai
  4. Myth busters episode by syousef · · Score: 5, Funny

    I'm waiting for the Mythbuster's episode. First we hobble Adam, Jamie and Grant (who can be the control). Then we inject them all with deadly spider venom. If they survive, we see if the spider venom helps them to walk again. Grant gets no venom. Whether they survive or not, it's entertaining and about as scientific as the rest of their testing.

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    1. Re:Myth busters episode by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 4, Funny

      I'm waiting for the Mythbuster's episode.

      It was an exploding spider?

    2. Re:Myth busters episode by PIBM · · Score: 4, Funny

      They can blow up the corpses after they die of the poison ..

  5. Re:What a misleading headline by Anonymous Coward · · Score: 5, Funny

    This just in: Spider bite cures laziness!

  6. Re:What a misleading headline by interkin3tic · · Score: 5, Funny

    You think you're so smart, but I haven't RTFA. Therefore I don't know if you're lying or not, therefore in my world, this man MAY be spiderman.

    I live in a world where spiderman is possibly real, along with santa and the easter bunny. All you have is stupid reality.

  7. The moral of the story by interkin3tic · · Score: 4, Funny

    David Blancarte, 47, is on his feet for the first time since suffering major injuries in a motorcycle accident some 20 years ago...

    He said he was riding on Third Street when a woman motorist made a left turn in front of him. He crashed into her vehicle and was thrown over her car and onto the pavement...

    The turn-around in his condition was ironically caused by the bite of a Recluse spider that put him in a Manteca hospital for five days. Then he was transferred to the Kindred (rehabilitation) Hospital in Modesto where he stayed for five months.

    Blancarte said when he was evaluated at the Modesto hospital his lifeless legs were tested â" actually electrically zapped by a doctor â" to measure nerve function. Not having been able to use his lower limbs for two decades, he was in awe to hear that his nerves were actually alive and could move them again.

    The lesson here is clear: women should not drive.

  8. Missing the point by jd · · Score: 5, Funny

    What's wrong with Santa? We know St. Nick was real (so we know there are charitable people) and we know wormholes are real (so we know how to travel around the globe in an evening).

    The Easter Bunny is a modern corruption of the Eostre hare, which seems to have involved throwing eggs at Bugs in the morning, or something like that.

    Spider threads are one of the strongest organic materials known. If we assume the thread could be scaled to the thickness of a typical hemp rope and that the strength scaled with it, it might just about be strong enough to pull building over with, never mind scaling them.

    It's not about these superheros not being possible - clearly the science says otherwise. It's about them not having happened yet. Which, since the tales all come from the past, means time travel will have to be invented along with them.

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    It's a small world and it smells funny; I'd buy another if it wasn't for the money; Take back what I paid (SoM)
  9. Re:What a misleading headline by Moebius+Loop · · Score: 4, Funny

    Of course. From the time the article is published until the point in time that you read the article, this man is juxtaposed between the state of BEING Spiderman, and the state of NOT BEING Spiderman.

    This is an excellent a thought experiment that illustrates the problems with the Copenhagen interpretation of Quantum Commenting.

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    have you been seen on slash?
  10. Screw spiderman... by JCSoRocks · · Score: 5, Funny

    Let's get this thing to bite a pig!

    SPIDER PIG
    SPIDER PIG
    Does whatever a SPIDER PIG does
    Can he swing
    From a web
    No he cant
    He's a pig
    LOOK OOOUUUTTT!!!!
    He is a SPIDER PIG!!

    You're welcome for getting that stuck in your head for the rest of the day...

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