Spammers Say the Darndest Things

The Narrative Fallacy writes "Bill Sweetman has a tongue-in-cheek post about how a few years ago he started collecting some of the more outlandish and amusing email subject lines from the many thousands of spam emails he received promoting various 'solutions' related to his private parts. Sweetman, a Canadian internet marketeer now working for Tucows gets a guilty pleasure from the copywriting 'skills' of the spammers. 'Sometimes the writing is clever. Sometimes it is accidentally funny. And sometimes it's just plain bizarre.' Sweetman writes that it takes a certain twisted creative genius to make your spam message stand out from the rest. and gives us ten of his favorite spam subject lines as well as his would-be replies to the messages. Favorites spam subject lines include 'Small friend is for hiding, big friend is for showing off' and Sweetman's reply: 'Even if the product they are pitching works as promised, I still don't think I would be walking around the neighborhood showing off the results.'"

Comments

Obligatory webcomic link

[Wilson_6500]

http://www.spamusement.com/

Not really a webcomic, not really updated any longer, and I'm unsure if it's completely safe for work.

My collection

[Hew]

Like the author of the article, I too have been collecting the most poetic entries:

• Every woman that sleeps with you will wake up with the smile on her face.
• A big member rules - she is satisfied, you are proud.
• You can fulfill her request and become extremely blessed.
• Having an awesome friend in your pants is all you need in this life.
• A big instrument is a mortgage to success.
• When your tool is big, the rest of the world seems so little for you.
• Catch rapturous girls' looks on your zipper protuberance.
• The best and easiest way to improve your lovemaking is the improvement of your love instrument.
• Filll your bed partner's brain with the excitement and satisfaction.

Re:My collection

[Sir_Lewk]

The best I've seen is: "Bomb her womb with your man cannon." My friends and I had some good laughs with that one.

Re:My collection

[Johnno74]

I got some spam the other day that said this:

This iis your penis: 8--o
This iis your penis on drugs: 8=====O

I showed it to a workmate. He said "I didn't know they were personalizing spam these days"

Bastard.

LOLspam

[ewe2]

is what we've been calling it for some months now, here's a couple of recent favourites:

Reconstruct your male friend and you will love the changes.
You won't find even the traces of your small miserable and retarded friend in pants.

More strength, length, and pleasure with less efforts...
He temperate? of But. And fix be identical.
Which in 'we'll glints God. At injury TWISTED, pausing.

My favorite from a few years back

[dmomo]

Throw it to her from the other room.

Sp4m poetry

[fluffywuffy]

Here's some from my spam box...

It's better to be hung than to work with your tongue.

Women don't like it tender they need a major member.

The dimensions of your tool will grow to a duel.

Re:Sp4m poetry

[jabithew]

The dimensions of your tool will grow to a duel.

What, you fight people with it? Or ceremonial battles turn you on?

Flute...

[dargaud]

I got a spam with a pretty poetic title yesterday: "The magic melody for your flute". I read it to my wife but she said she prefers the trombone... 8-|